Coworker threatens you, what should you do?

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Your Uncle sounds like a pretty alright guy. He would take it seriously. Other regional people may or may not. CowboyFromHell has to trust his read of the situation. Where we are strongest as human beings is in pattern recognition and in “feeling” our way through a situation, not step-by-step logic (even though our institutions mightily try and make us operate that way).

And remember, the threat/attempt with the truck happened away from work premises. That’s a scary thing.

There’s a case to be made for standing pat (remember the Chris Cooper character in OCTOBER SKY deciding not to do anything when the other Dad shot at his house). There’s also a case to be made for filing a police report. CowboyFromHell has to trust his judgment call.

Upd473 loLzzZ!!1 0mGZZZ CS N bS n evry udda SHIT3z DERE iz

Well first off, as I stated in the original post, the night before I made this thread, I had mentioned the original incident to the manager who had apparently forgotten about the situation, and that he acted like I was full of s***. A few nights ago, while I was working, the assistant grocery manager got on the intercom and called us over to the tables at the Starbucks kiosk. He handed each one of us a paper to sign.

What did they paper say? It's just a bunch of stuff in this list saying that the best way to work as a team on the night shift is to take responsibility for our actions and work together and that "...any conflicts between the members of our team must be resolved between ourselves." Everyone was to sign their copy. I didn't want to sign the damn thing in the first place but I did anyway just to not draw attention to myself as everyone was right there around me including my.... new friend.
So basically this is another way to stop me from--as you said it--"tattling."

I just noticed something else that he may be up to. I noticed that this girl who works on the front end and usually comes in around opening time, who has always been rude/unfriendly/having nothing to do with me, has lately all of a sudden been sticking around and randomly helping me with whatever small task I am doing at the end portion of my shift, and even been attempting to have conversations with me. Over a year of being a b**** to me and now being overly nice to me?!
I realized today that this has been going on for about as long as she has been dating Fred, which is the past month or so. Could he be trying to frame me by making it look like I'm coming on to his girlfriend to give him a false reason to start some more s***?

From my experience at a restaurant, I'd say it's more likely she's sincerely trying to be a peacemaker, or sincerely trying to clean up a situation in her mind caused by Fred (she may have the savior complex in which she wants to "help" Fred, having no idea the depth of his anger).

He is likely to view it as you coming on to her. So, Watch Out!

There's no way he can have a fulfilling relationship. He's maintaining a front, and past the first couple of dates at that (and then revealing oneself in a series of medium steps, but he doesn't begin to have these social skills).

And since there's no personal satisfaction in maintaining a front, even more frustration in his life. And he can't direct anger at her. So, enter the convenient third party, which might be you.

This is incredibly serious. Think of how much anger even "normal" people have in relationships, with issues of perceived jealousy, etc, etc. And multiple it by three.

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The first time with his big friend. He could have just enjoyed strutting around with his big friend. 'Hey, Dude, how ya doing? Hey, have you met Ernest? . . . ' No, instead it has to be something as crude and as on-the-nose as a direct verbal threat.

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And when he told the manager he was just kidding and that flew, that could have been a sense of personal effectiveness. He got a freebie. He got away with it so casually, so easily. But no, he instead has to glare at you for weeks (and presumably giving himself the "luxury" of hating you while he does).

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Then the part with the truck. razzes you in an attempt to feel better. Or maybe he views it as oneupsmanship where he maintains a constant line or a constant curve and you "have" to move.

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This guy has serious issues. Only consulation, anything you've thought about doing to him, his Dad probably already did. Or anything you've thought about saying to him, his Dad probably already did.

That's good. It tells me, like a skilled poker player, you've felt your way through this situation pretty well. And you don't need to be perfect, you just have to avoid the big mistakes. It's a question of, How good is your B game. So it tells me, you haven't really had conversations with her. You have felt that something isn't quite right.

Normally you might be able to say, let me ask you one more thing and then I do need to get back to work. But, she's helping you with work, so it's a little different.

So, you could say, Jane*, I'd rather do it myself. She's likely to be stunned, and then say to soften it, you might say: Jane*, I appreciate you offering to help me, but I'd prefer to do it myself.

That is, you risk being rude. That ain't risk-free either of course, but it might be better than the guy thinking you're coming on to her.

Or, plan to do a single-person task at the end of your shift. Maybe a paper work task that only one person can do and takes concentration to make sure you're doing it right. Shame you have to go through all this, but so be it.

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Or this risky finess move. 'Jane, I think Fred and I both owe each other an apology.' Of course you don't really owe Fred an apology for anything, I don't see how you've done anything wrong. That's a social lie and then some. But the only way I can see it working would be to equalize it, to go through the social fiction of equalizing blame on both sides.

That is, the girlfriend is trying to be a peacemaker. You let her succeed at being a peacemaker.

A risky finesse move. And you'd have to put yourself in a mental place where you're not going to get angry whatever Fred says.


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Trust your gut instincts. And keep us informed.

'A family situation, it will be at least a couple of days. I'm sorry, I have to take care of it.'

'I can't tell you. It's a family situation I have to take care of.'

If things get tight, you might be able to use this. It tends to be more effective than calling in sick. And plus, you can extend the 'family situation.'


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The economy might be starting to come back (Hooray!). Jobs tend to follow inventory and sales (and maybe a couple of other things as well). So, if you low-key it, your terms, not out of desperation, more out of hope and optimism, jobs might open up that seem considerably more promising than Kroger.

And this for some comic relief. You know, somewhere between this and micromanagement, there has to be a happy medium (!) (!) (!)

That and the rest of it... a great and thoughtful post.

Yep, even while I hadn't at first guessed what it was, I did sense something was wrong right off the bat. Because no, I haven't had a conversation with her before as obviously she was always busy being a b***h to me. And again, I hadn't had it figured out yet at first, but although I had a bad feeling about it, my reaction was basically to give her the near-silent treatment and just agree with whatever she was saying (with a quick smile where it was needed as not to appear rude), and despite my acquired skill I avoided any eye contact and just kept my eyes on the task literally in front of me to keep it so it would not appear as what I assume now it was intended to be.

As for the second statement (about getting angry and uncooperative), I'm actually quite good at making peace and have been able to easily get people on my good side, and I was actually willing to try it willingly right before things started getting worse.

I was talking with a friend about commodity vs. value-added businesses. He had a good laugh at the conventional view that it’s either-or, with a huge canyon separating them and nothing in between. When in fact, it’s a continuum, it has got to be. He also told me that on the show “The Office,” they like to think they add service to their sales of paper (how much service can you really add to paper!), and got a chuckle about that. I myself have only seen bits and snippets of the show.

Okay, all that said, a grocery store is still very much on the commodity side of the continuum, and that might be part of the explanation for why many (most?) of the managers sure seem to be minimally motivated and largely disengaged. It’s just not very motivating to face twenty-five different tasks, which if you do them perfectly and get an average amount of good luck, you can then come up to neutral. And basically they are non-communicating with team members in any kind of meaningful way. And they are non-building a team. (Of course, it goes without saying that any manager worth his or her salt looks for ways to get motivated, looks for ways to have genuine communication, and looks for ways to genuinely build a team.)


So, what I'm trying to say is that this current crop of managers are a bunch of stumble bums!

This is the reason I'm a business major. If someone threatens me I can just fire them. I could never work for another company without getting witch trialed.

I don't know about that paper, that might not even be a legal thing to do. Your whole work environment sounds really, really sick.

As far as the girl, she's dating a psycho, she's either a codependent or a psycho herself. I would watch yourself around her, don't make yourself vulnerable, don't touch her in any way or allow her to corner you(he could have set her up to try to get you fired for sexual harassment). Just cover yourself and don't assume she's being 'nice'. If she was nice and she knows her boyfriend hates you (this is a very sick person, clearly) she'd stay away from you so as not to risk fanning the flames. People are so twisted...I did alot of factory work and the stuff I have seen still blows my mind sometimes when I think about it.