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Hating a coworker & boss says "fix it"

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edgewaters
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10 May 2012, 11:22 pm

GumbyLives wrote:
My boss (who I admire a great deal) has suggested that I tell this person what an ass she is and see if she will listen and change her ways. I'm severely doubtful that would have any effect, and I really doubt I could do it with the tact my boss is giving me credit for - which all means trying to "make nice" with this coworker could blow up into a nightmare. "Nightmare" being defined as she becomes not just bugged by me, but actively hostile to me, AND I don't have enough social skills to be able to understand fully what's going on and protect myself.

What do you think? Should I try to talk it out with this coworker (if so, advice on how to do it right)? Or should I keep doing what I'm doing? Or something else?


How good is your boss at assessing your capabilities? Does he have a good track record here? How well does he understand you and your limitations?

If you've trusted his judgement in these regards in the past, I see no reason to stop. Especially if he's familiar with both of you, if he's a good assessor, he might have a point. If, however, you're a bit dubious about that, I might stick with my first instincts.



Yoshie777
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11 May 2012, 12:41 am

In my family, we learn to just 'be a duck' and have all the negative comments and situations just wash off of us.


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namaste
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12 May 2012, 12:37 pm

avoid confrontations
just concentrate on your job
already its difficult for us to get jobs and hold onto any
ignore co-workers just take a chillpill


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mastermenthe
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12 May 2012, 4:50 pm

I understand your frustration.
The only thing you can do in this situation is to actively record any incidences in which she is unmistakeably undermining the manager's authority and/or violating the rules and regulations of the company or civil law.
Once this evidence has been gained, present it to your boss at such a time when your coworker is unable or unlikely to be in contact with that boss, so as to insure that your coworker is not able to interrupt the investigation or worse, explode the affair into a massive sitcom drama-fest.
Otherwise, you can skip the chain of command and send the evidence to your boss's direct superior or to HR department, who is less likely to have any sort of friendly relationship with that coworker.
This will mean that your coworker may be fired, but assuming that she is as destructive to the company as you say she is, then she must be fired. There is no other alternative.

You will need to purchase for yourself a high quality audio recording device for you to carry on your person that can record effectively while being discreetly located in your pocket, as well as a possible video recording device such as a pen-camera. You must also do the same for your office. I can give further advice if you can explain how you two usually meet or communicate, especially when there are problems.

The goal here is to have the evidence be as undeniable as possible, so that your coworker cannot have a foothold to use her inborn charisma and turn your superiors against you.