The Dreaded Telephone

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I study to become a medical secretary and this is the only part I dread about the job. I hate talking on the phone and especially when it´s stressed and I don´t have the time to plan what to say.

To be honest, I'm terrified of using the phone, but only when calling for job interviews and to talk with people I don't know. I get really nervous and I don't always know what to say. I hesitate during some calls, especially when it get forwarded to someone's voicemail. I'm just afraid that people won't think I'm good enough for the job.

I also have a strange physiological aversion to ringing phones, especially when it goes unanswered and then they call back and ugh.

It's usually for my father, and it's usually important, so I generally don't bother answering anyway (unless he's out.)

I just had a job interview a few hours ago for a computer technician position. One possible task I could have is dealing with customers directly. Okay, I can handle that. Seriously, I can. I can talk for hours on end about something as long as I know what I'm talking about!

I might also need to do a lot of phone stuff. I tried not to bring that up, but did mention I did that this past summer. What I didn't say is that I hate giving tech support over the phone because I can't see the damn computer - how am I meant to fix the problem?

"Is it plugged in?"

Yeah, anyway, I'm not sure which I dislike more - answering the phone or calling people. I get awfully anxious in either situation, but I'll have to deal with it one way or another, I figure.

I'm not a big fan of answering the phone though I've gotten better - I used to be terrified of them and avoided answering if I could get away with it.

Another issue is making phone calls myself - whenever I had to I used to write everything I need to say down on a script (which can lead to speaking in an unnatural tone). I don't need to do this anymore, though I'm sometimes guilty of [over?]thinking what I need to say beforehand for a minute or two before making the call.

It just gets better with practice I guess.

Every time the phone rings I feel anxious because I worry that it is going to be for me about a job, even though the phone rings a lot and it is rarely for me.

Hey there,

Was a telemarketer in a previous life and had to learn to love the phone so it is no longer a bother. But I could never get used to the doorbell at my last job. I had a doorbell attached to my desk, and whenever I was in the middle of doing something and the doorbell rang, I had to jump up and go out to help on the customer floor. It was their way of saying 'there is a lineup and please help'. Sometimes it was fine, but if I was in the middle of doing up payroll forms or designing the schedules it was a royal nuisance and made me lose my place.

OP, is it a system where you can change the ringtone?

There might be a soothing one you can use, with a quiet lead-in so it isn't as startling.

I find personally that the suddenness was so distracting that it turned out to be most of the problem. I still have a somewhat sudden ringtone, but it's not as bad, and I like it. But I'm reminded of the slow-wake alarm clocks that use gradual volume (or brightness) escalation to gradually wake up their user. Much better on the psyche.

i am terrified of the phone! ringing startles me so much, and i get a sick feeling.
my phone anxiety is so bad i've missed oppertunities to get a better job because i can't make a simple phone call. my GF is my personal secretary (and that's what she does for a living) and makes any calls for me that she can.
i tell all my friends it's better to text me.. but oh how i wish i could text for important things.

i have to be so prepared to make a phone call. i sit with a piece of paper, no interruptions, and occassionally a xanax. i hover over the send button. sometimes i hang up suddenly as soon as I hear "hello". i have to have everything planned out.. i run every possible conversation topic and branching path in my head first.

when texting started to become mainstream, i secretely cheered inside. i can't wait for augmented reality contacts or some such.. or a text-to-voice function!! that would be delightful.

At home I totally use a silenced bell and automatic voicemail to protect myself from unexpected intrusions that I likely will not handle well. Then I check voicemail from a web interface so that I can see who called and delete messages as needed before having to endure listening to them. Only 5 people on this planet have my cell number, and none of them are family It may seem extreme, but it works well for me in managing the anxiety of having someone/anyone barge into my experience at will by calling. I try to keep my home as my safe, quiet place where I can retreat and regain my strength before again venturing out.

I really dislike the phone. When I was a little kid, I would just refuse to talk on the phone at all. My mother's way of dealing with this was to force me to call any classmates I wanted to invite to my 5th birthday, otherwise they wouldn't be coming. I cried a lot and had major anxiety, but did it because I wanted a birthday party. Maybe not so much the kids there, as the presents, cake, etc. What can I say, I was a five-year-old with (undiagnosed) aspergers...
I didn't really start to use the phone until 4th grade to call my friend who I had become comfortable with. I still felt a lot of anxiety making the call, and would rehearse in my head what to say if my friend's mother answered.
Reasons for not liking the phone? The ringtone startles me every time. It is loud and obnoxious even on low. I don't like people interrupting what I am doing. It forces me, most of the time, to go to social mode in a split second. I am caught off guard and often stumble through the conversation. Often I can't understand what the person is saying (auditory processing issues.) Someone convinced me to buy an attachment that makes a lamp flash on and off instead of ringing.
These days I have my parents on a schedule. I like talking with them every week, and I have them calling Tuesdays at 6 and 7 pm so that there are no surprises.
I am so abrupt with telemarketers when I answer that I just don't get called very much anymore. Haha. If I don't recognize the number, I usually don't answer- much less stressful that way. Even if I do recognize the number I often let it go to voice mail.
I don't own a cellphone, and have zero interest in texting anyone ever.

Your posts are making me think, and I wonder if what really bothers me about the phone is that, as hard as it is for me to figure out what a person is thinking when I'm looking at them while we talk, it's that much harder when I can't see them.

The startling sound alone can't possibly explain the level of what you (Lavenders et al) adroitly describe as anxiety that we experience.

Lavenders, does that lamp thing help?

The lamp flasher does help. These days I get so few phone calls that I don't have it hooked up. The flashing light option is marketed toward people with a hearing impairment, and it is nice that it can be helpful for both hearing too little and hearing too much, i.e., over sensitivity.

I like Marky9's method of checking voice mail from a web interface. My messages are usually from companies trying to sell me something, and having to listen to that close in my ear is abhorrent.

I think you are right, JBlitzen, about the anxiety being more than just due to a startling ringtone. When I was a kid, a ringing phone represented the unknown: a disembodied voice/person that could be anyone calling from anywhere about anything. (We didn't have call display when I was growing up.) Couple that with often not being able to understand what was being said, and the need to play the social game as best I could on demand, and it is obvious to me why I detest the phone.

I find it interesting that the three sounds I seem to really hate the most are ringing alarms/phones (especially the old-fashioned bell sound), the sound of knocking on a door, and for some reason the sound of high heels walking on a hard floor, like down the hallway or street. I have no idea where that came from, but when I hear someone approaching with heels on, I just cringe.

This was SO good to read. Thank you to everyone who replied. I don't feel so bad now about how I handle/deal with the phone.

Some days I hate the phone. Some days I am afraid of it.

If I know I have to make a call, I will pace in front of the phone for a long time (over an hour) or try and find other things to do to delay that one phone call.

I do jump sometimes when it rings -especially if I am focused on something.

When on the phone, my mind goes blank and I don't know what to say. The speed that some phone conversations need to transpire is to fast.

Most times I try to memorize what I NEED to say so as to make sure it comes out of my mouth right. Otherwise, I stutter/stumble through with what I need to say -or forget to say it at all even thought I may have reminded myself just minutes earlier! UGH!

I hate the feeling of having to press the phone next to my ear... makes me feel confined or restricted.

When I am on the phone all the background noises distract me and when I see things out of the corner of my eyes, distract me as well.

I LOVE EMAIL and being able to order things online now.

I hate the telephone too. It bugs me when it rings and when I talk to answering machines/voice mail, I have to "script" what I say in my mind or I sound like a jerk when I leave a message. One weird thing with me though is I love to talk on the ham radio and/or CB. If I hear someone calling me on those two things, it does not distract me and I don't mind but telephones, yuck!

I work in a sales job so the phone is important but the quirk is that I cover our overseas territories so mainly I work with Middle East customers. Keeps conversations down to a minimum, no expectation for chit chat just straight into answering a question or 2 and then most of the conversations are on e_mail. Also means I get into the office at 6:30am a good 2 1/2 hours before my colleagues and get a nice mid afternoon finish.

If I see a UK number calling on my phone I usually ignore it as I can't face doing the whole overly friendly small talk thing. In the past I have had to work on UK sales which can be difficult, I have to really build myself up for it and just get on with it but there have been times when I couldn't face it, just think about it too much and get anxious. I went around 4 weeks in one old job not using the phone without my boss noticing!

I answer phone calls all day...