Skills downplayed, "interpersonal" side overblown

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Unfortunately, other jobs all want the same "Personality Factor X". Unless I can find a way into some other type of work completely where being Mrs. Data isn't a big deal, I'll just end up getting more of the same at another organization. And where I won't have the modicum of protection I have here through racking up several years' service and someone could then just make sure I don't pass the 6 month's probation.

And no, I'm never grumpy. Just invisible. Or so it feels, until THEY want something.

I was referred to OH by HR a month after I went off work sick with stress - a "management referral" and I was worried by this, but I have found them very helpful. To be more specific, I found the OH nurse OK but after a couple of months she referred me to an OH doctor because I was a "complicated case", and I have found the OH doctor extremely helpful. I have been seeing the OH doctor almost every month for a year or so now and during that time she has helped by suggesting various adjustments that might help at work (which have been put in place ... it's been a process of trial and error and some have worked better than others). I do have co-morbid mental health issues but at work it is the ASD that primarily affects me, and she seems to understand this (I'm not sure how much experience she has with ASDs but she listens and seems to understand what I'm saying and is very supportive).

I have heard horror stories about OH services, but they're not all bad and I hope yours is OK.

Thanks, Yellowbanana. I just hope that the OH people realise that it's not counselling I need (I'm quite comfortable in my own skin thank you), I just need a quiet place to sit and work where I'm not distracted/interrupted constantly, and to be appreciated for my skills and knowledge instead of having some personality thing that I don't understand demanded.

I believe Tyrion is right. You have given specific incidents and I may have some ideas. Tyrion, I am giving suggestions myself. Am I correct so far or am I way off track?

Here is the thing on this. Some people want to feel appreciated and want to know that you care. My question for you is why didn't you offer to shred the documents for her? How long would that have taken? I have had to learn this with my wife as well when she asks if I know what time a store closes. My natural response is to say "No, I do not."

My wife hates that and I have had to realize it. It is difficult for me but when she asks me if I know something and if I do not know I ask her if she wants me to find out. Taking and Showing Initiative means doing or volunteering to do something without being asked to do it. This is what some people want from you. By stating "She could have asked me, or even walked a few paces outside her door to where there's a confidential shredding bin" you have the expectation that she should ask you. This shows lack of initiative. By volunteering and offering to help her out with the shredding you show initiative. This is what they mean here by showing initiative and this is one example of where they are saying you lack initiative.

The purpose of taking and showing initiative is to show that you care not only about your job but your co-workers and management.



If Tyrion is correct, I believe this is what you should've done. First, I would've taken a deep breath. Second, I would've told this woman "Mam, I have a major project that is in the hopper now that I am working on. It is a priority #1 now. " After that I would've said, "when do you need this formatted by exactly because if I have to I will stay late or take the document home and format it there?" Finally, I would've said "I do have a sick boyfriend and I do need to take care of him and if it is possible I would prefer to take it home and I will work on it at home."
Is this what they call passive-aggressive?



Examine your workplace setting now. Are there things that need to be done on a recurring basis? Offer to do them for folks whenever you can. Let's say you're the first person there. Go ahead and make coffee. If you see things in the break room as messy straighten it up. If you see someone struggling with something offer to help. If one of your co-workers has to stay every night to get something done offer to help them out by doing it for them every week or so as a favor even if your not paid for it.



Was this an emergency situation? How sick is your bf? Does he have the flu or a cold? Like Tyrion said, is it possible to get someone else to look after him? Can he look after himself? Is he bedridden? If you have to be there with your bf can you take your work home with you and work on it and every so often check in on him?

The problem is she did not show or act like she cared.



I do agree. I would've attempted to make a compromise so we can all win.



Unfortunately, to them she does. To them, it looks like she doesn't care. This is why I would've tried to compromise as best as possible to show that I do. Missmoneypenny sounds like she was abrupt. This is not good because it shows she does not care. Whether this is true or not is irrelevant. Personally, I don't like it myself but in the workplace perception counts more than what actually is. Yes, it is stupid but there is nothing I can do about it. Ultimately, she needs to find a way to show she does care about the people there.



If she can't do my suggestions, I will have to agree with you and Tyrion and that is to move on and find another job or do other things to support yourself.



In this world today we all will need it

No, don't do that. This comes across as though your high maintenance and inflexible. I would take the counseling that they offer you. I would tell the counselor what your thoughts and feelings are and I would apologize for any offense I have committed. I would tell this counselor what you have said here. I would ask for constructive feedback on it. Do not demand but use your asking voice. Try to keep it a bit calm and mellow. I would ask your counselor what can I do to improve my relationship with others here?

You have to show that you are willing to do things yourself as well for others in your team and work environment.

I'm going to be honest with you as well. I do not believe there is a major difference between the underlying philosophies of the different employers. Basically, you have your choice amongst kodos and kang (simpsons).

When they state get a different job I do not think this will make a difference whatsoever.