Cold shoulder at work

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but what if a woman doesn't care about changing trends? we should pretend that we do just so other people won't shun us?

think i'll stick with being shunned, thanks.

That's the hard thing to balance, isn't it? Between 'it's their problem if they take my disinterest as a personal insult' and 'I'll feign interest to be accepted by people.'

If I fit in personally, it's easier to accept bumps that come up in work. A common interest could be the difference between 'that idiot can't do anything right' and 'melanie made a mistake but obviously didn't mean anything by it, so no worries.'

my experience has taught me that there is no balance--if you are not dedicated to maintaining the "feminine status quo" then you are a threat to be neutralised by shaming and shunning. i got tired of it so i don't bother at all anymore. i have my one good (male) friend who doesn't expect me to talk about stupid s**t like clothes or gossip, and that's all i need.

I feel you there. I am much more at peace now having a close friend who totally accepts the way I talk and what I talk about, it's nice to be able to totally relax in a conversation for once.
I've mostly worked with men over the years, and with a handful of other women more like myself. This is the first job I've had since temping in high school where I've been around all women and it's a different environment for me to adjust to.