Choosing a "safe" career path vs. following your dreams

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Desurage

Today's dreams are not today's "reality"

Today's dreams could be next decades "reality"

The Holocaust, Japanese internment camps, slavery, homophobia, sexism were reality at some time

That does not necessarily follow "reality" is good or correct. Or permanent.



No way could i be a truck driver. I have a hard enough time driving Class C. Driving for over 40 hours a week. Sleep deprivation. Yes that might suit autism, socially. But you constantly have too pay attention and respond correctly, immediately, and efficiently. And then ready to make the next response

You're definitely right. It's moving faster than ever before too. I'm glad I got it good while I have it good.

Safe = not satisfying but reliable

Dream = satisfying but considerable risk of failure

Much depends on your tolerance for risk and how well you handle failure. Every "successful" man I know (or who has a "dream job") got a lot of NO before they found their YES. It was a test in perseverance.

Another key is to be honest about your dreams. How "attainable" are they in the real world? Lots of guys love basketball and dream of being in the NBA (maybe really good at the sport too), but incredibly few make it.

the world needs professionals from a wide variety of jobs.

not just STEM jobs.

but jobs the trades, social sciences, liberal arts.

jobs nobody wants to do.

garbagemen, janitors,

many want to be professional basketball players. many want to be president of the united states. many want to be astonauts.

sometimes it is a little too idealistic to follow your dreams.

but there is something wrong with everything.

if you have the time, money, and desire to follow your dreams, that's one thing.

in some situations, following your dreams is not the best course of action.

in some situations following your dreams is the best course of action.

every situation is different.

if your dream is a bit astronomical, like professional football player, it is good to have a back up plan.

but sometimes you do not know what is a realistic plan.

I obsess about stuff like that too. Join the club

I'm trying to work out how I mix the two. I know this is not possible for everyone, and it depends entirely on what that dream is.
My own dream used to be a circus artist, but I've realized that wasn't the dream at all. I loved doing circus. I loved the training and the huge sense of accomplishment of landing a new trick. It gave me so much joy and confidence, and I was sure I wanted to do it for as long as my body would allow me to.
But as I got into a professional circus-education, I realized there was more to the job than just doing cool tricks. If I wanted to keep doing it full time, I would have to be in constant (close, physical) contact with other artists, I would have to travel around the world without a safe base to return to, and being on a stage is the main requirement for living as a circus artist. All things that I can't really handle.
I had to decide it wasn't worth it. It still hurts to not be able to train every day, but I think it's better like this.

Now I am working as an illustrator, which is great. Art is another big passion of mine, and being able to do it from home has changed my life. It has downsides of course, like negotiating with clients, marketing myself, and maybe creating art that I don't like. But all jobs will have a downside or two. I think I'm having it as perfect as I can. This is as close to the safest path and the dream-job that I can get.
With the help of the fantastic internet, there are new job-opportunities opening up for people like me every day. You can do just about anything from home (if that's what you want).

Another take on this is that the dream might stop being the dream once you get there. My passion for art seems to die a little when I do it on behalf of others, so even though I'm having a great time right now, I'm not too sure if I want to keep doing it like this.
I'm considering becoming a gardener instead. That would probably be the safest path that I could ever take. You get to work by yourself, in nature. The best job I ever had was to be the yard-caretaker of a school. Every day, up at three o'clock, all alone on the bus into town, all alone raking leaves in the yard all day, except for a few smoke-breaks with the janitor who I got along with really well. And then go home and dive into a personal art project without guidelines or deadlines.

Yeah, I think I want to try out the safer safe path again. I really liked that.

Retro gamer 87

There are numerous things that I strongly doubt that I will ever. Get over

My precious lil "parents". Made me take the SAT in 7th grade. And memorize 10 to 20 SAT words per day over the summer from 3rd to 7th grade. And 10 to 20 SAT words per week over the school year, from 3 Rd to 7th grade. And they had the nerve to compare me unfavorably to someone else's academically smart Chinese daughter. And ask why was I not like that. Which made me feel like there was something wrong with me. But there is something wrong with everything



Homophobia



Social rejection



My precious lil "parents" noticed and criticized my autism symptoms. But they did not send me to get a diagnosis. And that is "failure to attend to a special education need". A violation of Child Protective services


Precious lil "people" are so judgmental.

I know it was probably horrible but I still think it's pretty cool that you sat the SAT in the seventh grade.

I guess I had the exact opposite problem. Rather than being overworked and overstudying I was bone lazy. I studied only a few hours per week because at the time I only wanted to put in a minimum amount of effort. In hindsight I regret this.

I have a morbid curiosity about how much a human being can endure. We all know the stereotype about Asians studying 12 or 16 or more hours per day, you lived it. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been tough enough to endure it. Would I have found a well of hidden willpower I didn't know I had? Or would I crack? I'll never know.

Right now I'm wasting a Sunday morning in front of the computer, turning into a lazy couch potato. I hate myself for that. I should use my weekend productively. Time to vacuum my apartment.

I've only "sat" for a portrait.

We, in the US, "take" tests

There's a thread about the difference between British and American English....

Well my version has Added Alliterative Appeal

Retro gamer 87

The dictionary definition of "cool" and "horrible" are vague. Anyone could label anything as "cool" or "horrible"

The solar system does not contain anything called "should". If there were something anyone "should" do, it is lead a balanced life........

Anyways I would imagine that the best strategy was moderation


Putting all your eggs in one basket



Anyways, there are some jobs and goals that require a lot of time, money, energy and sacrifice

For example to get into Olympics gymnastics, gymnasts have to start training when very young, for many hours on end, with qualified instructor. fine

But I, for one, ended up with little to show for the emotional turmoil, except shame, fear, and failure.......

For the amount of energy that my precious lil "parents" made me waste on studying. Academics, you would imagine that I "should" have gotten at least a Master's degree in an STEM subject. And a matching job

But there is no such thing as "should" and if there were it would not matter, because you do not get it anyway.....

The only jobs I have ever had were minimum wage. Menial labor.

So I am a failure

Can't even earn enough for room and board.

Much less psychotherapy

But if I were to have led a (more) balanced childhood, then I could also work minimum wage jobs. And then I would need less psychotherapy

Sometimes I think if I could make myself endure something horrible that would make me feel more cool.This is a really good point. I keep saying I should do this and I should do that. I should stop saying should.

And I should try to lead a balanced life rather than role models out of people who have extremely unbalanced lives.I know. How I envy them! I have a book about them. They have cool/horrible lives! For example.

5:00 AM Wake up and get ready
6:00 AM Get dropped off at the gym. Train for 3 hours.
9:00 AM Arrive at school.
3:00 PM Leave school. Return to gym. Train for 6 hours.
9:00 PM Arrive home. Put ice packs on aching ankles. Do homework for 3 hours.
12:00 AM Bed. Sleep for 5 hours. Repeat the next day.

All this on a very low calorie diet because they have to be thin. All this and they still get straight As in every subject at school. If they have the flu, they still have to train. If they have a broken ankle, they still have to train. Maybe the Olympics is a few weeks away and they won't postpone it for illness or injury.

How I envy people with that incredible work ethic! How I envy their incredible self-discipline! When I was that age I did no sports, spent most of my time out of school watching TV, got straight Cs in every subject, stayed home if I was even slightly sick and lived on a very high calorie diet because I was an obese glutton.

If I have even half as much self-discipline as a gymnast I would be more successful today. I could be a developer getting paid $70,000 per year instead of just a software tester getting paid $55,000 per year (that may still sound like a good salary but I am very bad with money so most of it gets wasted).I'll admit I was luckier than you. I spent my late teens and most of my 20s playing video games and then I stumbled into a STEM job without any significant qualifications. The reason I feel depressed is because I feel like I didn't earn it and because I feel like I will never ever get promoted.