What do you want to do? Nothing.

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When I was 20, a ROTC captain had the nerve to tell me that ,"students that take six years to graduate are undisciplined.". And ROTC does not take "undisciplined students"

You can't measure discipline


He should see how "undisciplined" I am today

Unfortunately, I'm genuinely starting to want to do nothing with my life other than bum around, after years and years and years of trying my hardest to achieve something, namely a career of some kind. I'm just burnt out and want to stop caring for a change. I've still got just barely enough of a sense of FOMO (fear of missing out) to drive me to try to keep track on social media of what I feel like I should be doing, comparing myself to what others are doing, but I'm starting to ignore even that increasingly, because it does nothing but get me down.

I wonder if it's a type of self-imposed Stockholm Syndrome, as in I might as well enjoy my long stretches of chronic unemployment, and rejection from social and even volunteering opportunities, if these things are going to be forced upon me.

Gee dee

Numerous paying jobs, unpaid internships, and volunteer jobs have rejected me

Even things like volunteering at the senior center, and animal rights campaign

Maybe you should not compare yourself to someone else, because everyone has a different situation

Having said that, I compare myself to others constantly

And I find myself too visually ugly, gravitationally fat, academically stupid, vocationally incompetent, socially awkward

But "life goes on"

My older sister is a medical doctor

When I was young my precious lil "parents" used to compare me to her, and other smart Chinese children, a lot

At some point, to gave up

If success means medical doctor and failure means everything else, then why waste energy.

Effort

Failure