Need advice on dealing with male coworkers

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And what advice would you give to the woman in the elevator? Take it?

Notice how she DIDN'T hurt him? Notice how she DIDN'T disable her attacker? Notice how the same man who was the type to fondle her breasts was the same type of man who beat her to a bloody pulp?

Notice how he was dressed nicely, respectably, camouflaged, waiting like a predatory animal for the proper victim? Notice that all predatory animals go for the weak, the sick, and the lame, the most vulnerable?

HE WOULD HAVE BEATEN HER LIKE THAT ANYWAYS.

For someone like that, a slap in the face is foreplay. It does not hurt, disable or injure; it feeds the fantasy. Such a non-defence only confirms that he is all-powerful and she is helpless.

Now, if you know anything about ambush predators, you will know that they themselves feel weak - they strike without warning to compensate for their own perceived weakness. They are counting on the element of surprise, they are counting on the woman being unable to fight back, they want to eliminate the possibility of resistance.

Surprise is both their greatest power and their greatest weakness.

In other words, the last thing a guy like that expects is an effective counter-attack. I'll put a link at the end of my post to back this up - ambush criminals like rapists and muggers almost always flee once there is effective resistance.

Eddie Murphy said it best - you don't need to hit balls, you just need to graze balls.

Now what this woman did was escalate the situation. This is not good. An attacker needs to be disabled, NOT overpowered. An eye gouge is a twofold attack - it is both blinding and painful. Simple pain is not enough. When you are full of adrenaline, like the attacker would be, you do not feel pain like you normally would.

And if you're ret*d enough to try and grapple someone in real life situations, take a look at this:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXvx8HBMTYA&feature=related[/youtube]

You need unstabbed kidneys to live.

I'll post this elsewhere too, because it's a great resource, and this guy really really knows his stuff. Marc MacYoung's No Nonsense Self-Defense. This link take you to the section on rape, but there is a whole lot more there as well for both men and women, plus stuff like how to avoid scams and crappy schools.

Our minds are our greatest weapon.

I know better than to pick a fight I can't win.
And what I was refering to is pretty much like smacking a dog with a newspaper. It's fairly humiliating to be swatted and told "Bad". (Yes, I usually do say it.)


I did talk to the other guy today. It went well. He said he had no idea it was really upsetting me and won't do it anymore. He even said he'd try to get the other guy to chill some, but I doubt that will happen.

I get the point of your video, but that's not the case here. I do have a "danger radar instinct" for lack of a better word. Some people or situations really put me on guard. Here, it's annoyance, not danger.
The one time I did draw blood (it was instinctive thing, and a bit much I admit), his response was to cower.
So I see this as training, if he won't learn from voice then we'll do correction. Kind of like a bad dog. If it's unplesent to touch me, he should stop. Conditioned response.

I'll let you know how it goes, but it might be a while. When he knows he pissed me off (the other day), he tends to back off for a while.

I'm proud of you.

I would have advised the woman to press all of the buttons in the elevator to open the door and get out as quickly as possible to a place of safety. If the creep had tried to restrain her then I would have gone with a well-placed kick to escape.

Ever heard of the emergency stop button?

Do you think that someone who has gone to this type of trouble would not have thought of this? If he was strong enough to subdue her, her was strong enough to subdue her while she pushed buttons.

Is he going to just stand there while she does this?

These people are not like you and me. This guy had spent years fantasizing about this kind of crap before he got the nerve to do something about it. You think YOU have obsessive thoughts...

I know you mean well, but seriously, man. I'm not just talking out my ass, I've done high-risk security my whole adult life. Some people are messed.

Check out John Douglas's site.

Just an update, so far everything's going pretty good. It probably won't last, but now I'll deal with it if (when) it happens. Thanks for all the support, apparently it was just what I needed.

I'm glad. You are the paragon of stupendous badassitude.

Just don't start stealing his lunch money - that's just mean.

You'd BETTER break that habit, or you could lose this guy! Relationships can be very fragile, even with stable/normal people. Communication isn't just "key" - it's "critical"!

I'm trying to, but it's hard. He understands me (as much as anyone can) so it's okay. We have a good relationship. He actually likes it that I'm not "normal".

It just occurred to me that you hit one of these guys already. Drew blood, probably hurt.

Whether he deserved it or not is irrelevant - because this type of rotten guy may very well be brooding in the memory of that pain and planning his revenge.

YOU MUST TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THIS! This guy could be very, very dangerous down the road...

you might invest in some mace.

you might consider taking a tape recorder to work with you - you could play it for your husband to give him an idea of how bad it really is.

and make sure you're never alone in a secluded place with either of these men.

No, they're not dangerous. I have very good danger radar, trust me on this.

As for the "drawing blood" part, I smacked him with a metal comb I was holding at the time. The edge scratched a little. It's not like I punched him in the nose or something.

Secluded place, ha. Sometimes there's only 2 of us there, that's the job. But they're not the rapist type, just annoying. Seriously, trust me on that. If I had reason to be worried, I would not work alone with them.

Ans so, far, everything's been cool now. One guy I'm expecting to be more trouble down the road, but I'll deal when (if) it happens. The other, we talked, we're good now.

Let's face it - we're not the best judges of character, and predators are often quite good at masking their true intent - the ability to fly under your "radar".

Noone seems the "rapist type" until they do it.

I'm not sure why you're even defending such vile swine of men, but I sure hope you're right...

If it is getting bad, just leave. Just curious, is there the chance that they would actually try to do something to you?

I am, at least on whether or not they're dangerous. I trust my instincts.

No.


So far the problem seems to be resolved.

I would tell your husband EVERYTHING. Tell him that you are constantly being sexually harassed at work. Ask your husband to talk to those men. Personally, I would quit. There is no job that worths that humiliation and misery. There are other jobs out there. I think that working at a low-paying job, e.g. at a grocery store, is still better than the job you have--no matter how much money you're making.