Anyone scared to have a job?

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I always dread the thought of having a job. When I worked I would always fear going or looking at my schedule. My interviews are usually bad and I can't work more than 2-3 days a week without losing my mind. Because of all that I have a lame employment record and don't prefer to have a potential job contact my previous ones.

But most of them were people/customer oriented so that's probably why the experiences turned out so bad. My best job was at a medical equipment manufacturing company (as an assembler), which only started to suck when there was less work and more silly conversations.

Yeah the thought of having a job right now really freaks me out.....every job I've had I always end up feeling like the idiot that everyone is in laughing at on the inside. I've had a total of three jobs one of them was a college work study job and I feel like thats the only reason I was not fired from it. It was also the only job where my employer told me what some issues where.......apparently I am too slow, don't always follow directions perfectly(I have a tendeny to forget half of what someone tells me to do in the process of doing it), and was not enthusiastic about the college events we set up and helped run. And I felt like a lot of the other employees where just being nice to me out of politness.

I am scared of talking to people, which would mean the interview. I have had three jobs, the first I worked for my dad at his donut shop until we sold it.

The second I got a couple months after the shop sold, and I worked in the kitchen at the same Chick-fil-A my dad worked at. I didn't even really have an interview, the boss just talked with me, made sure I knew that kitchen work was hard (didn't want to work counter.) and talked a little about what I had in front of me (my homework). It got hard when they needed me up front and put me up there. Didn't get enough hours, was too stressed by working with customers and talking until my mouth was dry.

The third I actually got while still working the second, but I had no problem doing both for awhile. I knew someone down the street from where I live and their son has special needs and they were going to get help from the pediatric home health place in the same town I lived in. They got me to turn in my application, had an "interview" the same week, made sure I had everything I needed and began to work at their house, a 5 minute drive from my house. I love working with special needs kids, they love me, I get to determine my own hours I can work, I have little to no interaction with the office, drop off notes in a drop box on the weekend and play outside, xbox, read, color, or whatever the child wants to do. I do interact with the parents, but they understand I am there to work so I do not really get or have to chit chat with them.

I worked at mcd's for 3 years, in the mid 90s, until I just couldn't do it any more. Aspergers (didn't know about it at the time) certainly was a factor, but physical limitations coming out of Lyme disease were far more important factors in me being rendered unemployable.

I'm currently in a program that's specifically to help people with ASD get a job. Unfortunately they seem to have no idea what do with me, because I don't have a prefference and so far, each and every temp job they got me was horrible.
For the past 3 weeks I've been working in a self-service (mostly) restaurant, the co-workers are friendly and don't make a fuss when I screw up and I don't mind the work that much (except the "DROP EVERYTHING AND FETCH <food here> NOW" vibe I get every time the chef requests I get something), what bothers me the most is that it has messed up my routine.
I get a lot less done in a day than I used to, for obvious reasons, and it gets on my freaking nerves because I don't want to go to sleep until I feel my day is "finished" which requires the completion of certain tasks but if I don't go to sleep (ridiculously early in my opinion) then I can't do my job properly.

I may be getting a new job (actually, as a trainee) in a few months (I'll know for sure this thursday). Not scared at all. Really looking forward to it, since I hate my current job. It bores me, even though it is the first time I have friends who are not weird like me (and it's the first time I have friends since I was 15). But it is simply a matter of staying in touch with them.

I have two jobs that I had for 9 years each the only reason they kept me for so long is because I was lowest paid person there. I still believe being around people on the job causes me so much anxiety that it causes my blood pressure to spike. After spending 8-10 hours a day around people that hate me takes a lot out of me it would take me 4 hours of just sitting doing nothing to feel like doing something later in the day. I was prone to violent meltdowns where I put holes in walls and picked fights with total strangers. But since being laid off for over a year I feel better my blood pressure is in check and have not have a single meltdown. I am afraid if I go back to another low paying job where I am mistreated will set off causing even more violent meltdowns. I really don't think I can be around people anymore.

I absolutly hate looking for work! There's nothing like it! I have to deal with fear or redicule, the memories of my past disaster jobs, the garbage someone is going to lie and tell, and knowing I have to compete against... what's the current statistic unemployeed right now? Something million? There is no possitive here. At the same time, I live with the daily experiance of guilt. I watch my mother come home everyday, and I just feel like diveing off a cliff just to make her wallet better.

It's grateing my nerve, and the odds of getting an actual job, no matter the pay, is slim like the state's lottery ticket! What fun. I hate working in most jobs, because of the social requirements, the shunning, the teasing, and the work place clique BS. If my memory serves me by whatever reason, I will see the job as being a future end, barely going around a year. I will loose by jerks, lies, or some form of technology. I would probably get up in the morning to go to a job I knew wasn't going to make it anyway. YAY!

I'm just worried about that getting a job would pull me away from living my life by my heart. I'd end up trying to see how fast I can do just ONLY to make greedy corporations and businesses happy without myself being happy. It's already worrying me about 2-3 years ahead when I'd be working in graphics & web design. I'm worried that the rush in the job would take away the appreciation of the art itself...

The reason why I'm scared to get a job is because the fear of being judged by new people. I've found out what the fear is about in my volunteer job what I am doing at the moment whilst on job seekers. There are nice people there, but even I've found that I was being judged by one or two of the people there. The trouble with me is that I come across as normal, and people get used to my ''NT side'' (as what it is to them), then my AS suddenly jumps to the front of me, which means I have an Aspie moment, (well, I don't know if they are exactly Aspie moments, but they are social mistakes I do on the spur of the moment, which is out of the ordinary). When I make these stupid social mistakes, it seems to freak people out - and then I get judged and laughed at. It really isn't nice at all. But if I write ''I have AS and Dyspraxia'' or something down on the application form, or tell the interviewer, I get a gut feeling that it might reduce my chances of having the job. And yes, it is discrimination, I know. NTs who don't really have a clue, and who just care about making money, aren't going to want to employ somebody on the spectrum who won't say boo to a goose. Some might, but most won't. Not where I come from anyway. Makes me feel so useless.

Makes me wish I was born NT, really.