Blaming parents for not having a job

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1. Technically you're right, no one did force him to go. No one did hold up a gun to his head. Maybe pressured is a better word.
2. A lot of folks who claim disability believe they have 0% chance of ever being able to perform any type of job due to their severe limitations.
3. This assumes he even knows what he is doing when he is looking for jobs.
4. Did you not insult him by calling him immature which makes you a hypocrite?
5. I believe there is a quote by Albert Einstein that says "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." He is being expected to do the same thing over and over again which kept on failing. Maybe he needs to completely do something different.
6. Sometimes survival is not the only way to win. Case in point "Socrates"
7. You are like most Americans. It seems like You believe in this internal locus of control to an extreme. I'm sorry but I do not agree with it. He is in control of his life and circumstances to a certain extent. I do not believe in this 100% take responsibility and positivity nonsense. It only looks at a small part of the picture.
8. Why are these employers regarded as gods who can do no wrong? Why are they never open to challenge and questioning? In fact, why isn't America, its standards and values are ever open to challenge and questioning?
9. He could try self-employment if he is up for it. This is what I am trying to do. Getting a job is not the only option. I would keep trying to think outside the box. If this does not work then he needs to claim disability. I do not agree with ooo on this. Because of our cultural values and standards he will not get the help and assistance he needs. In my opinion he is going may need to challenge people's cultural standards and values if he is to get what he needs. He needs to challenge this extreme internal locus of control if any progress is to be made. He has to challenge the idea of "taking responsibility" to the extent that it is taken. I believe some external locus control is actually true. I don't believe this positivity that pervades our standards is ultimate truth well. Some negativity has to exist. If you believe in either extreme then in my opinion you're not looking at the fuller picture.

Last edited by cubedemon6073 on 02 Jul 2012, 1:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not completely condoning this kid/adult's behavior, but I will call bs on this one. Yeah, maybe it's technically true, but it ignores the immense amount of pressure parents and teachers place on young people to go to college. Basically, you're told that if you don't go to college, you're a loser, moron, etc. that will never make more than minimum wage. Never mind the fact that many people who never went to college seem to do just fine, while so many college graduates struggle.

His mentor sounds like he is full of hogwash for one thing. Have you spoken to your friend about going to see a different counselor who can help his deal with that anger?

As for working, I would suggest to him that although he is angry, it is NOT his parents responsibility to look for a job anymore and that he is an adult. You might also suggest to him that the economy is in a tight bind right now and so he needs to cool it. Finally, have you ever suggested that he volunteers in an area that is closely related to his field? That way he could learn some new skills and make some new connections.

Why is it not his parents responsibility to look for a job anymore that he is an adult?



What is your reasoning? Why and how are any of us expected to effectively function in an economy that is in a tight bind? Can you eloborate in intricate detail how one is to do this?




What is the logical reasoning that one must make connections in order to obtain a job? Why must one volunteer? While he volunteers how is it possible for him to be responsible for himself? How does he clothe and feed himself? Why must one be completely responsible for oneself? Why is every man considered an island? What is the reasoning for this and how is this truly conducive for an effective functional society? How is it truthfully possible for an individual to be 100% self-sufficient? Why is higher self-sufficiently a virtue? Why can't everyone in their communites pull together and help each other out? Why is this considered evil?

Yes, and you're correct. It is time to start calling bs on a lot of things that are ocurring in the USA like this extreme internal locus of control people seem to have, this positive attitude bs and this pull yourself up by yourself nonsense. Yes, it is exactly what you're told. If you don't go to college, they consider you a moron, a loser, that would never make more than minimum wage.

Do you know what? I think it time to start making some of these parents, teachers, and all of these elderly adults who preach responsibility and positivity accountable to what they say. There is one group who is doing this. http://www.youthfacts.org/

I believe it it time to questioning our cultural values and standards.

There isn't any more pressure on USA kids to go to college than anywhere else in the '1st world'. Every industrialized society tries to strike that 'go to college or be a nobody' on its young citizens. From my own history I've held fast to the big names that never finished college. 'Bill G and Steve W' helped make all this possible. In the end a degree is little more than an overpriced piece of toilet paper. US junior high students 100 years ago had twice the knowledge of today's grad school grads.

ANYway a previous post stated parents should raise their kids up with the proper direction. This is what they seemed to stop doing around the turn of the 20th century. How many people are growing up now having learned how to flush a toilet from some day care facility? Farmers, merchants, fishermen, miners and seamstresses all used to educate their offspring in the family trade. Even throughout most of history if a young man wanted to make his way in the world he apprenticed at something where he would essential be the master artisan's shadow for a period of time.

Being on the spectrum is tough no doubt. I heard at school that the world doesn't owe anyone a living so much I want to gag. Part of the problem today is that nobody wants to make anything or pay the right price for someone else to make the thing right. Everyone just wants to sell things so they can buy more things.

Parents here screwed up way back when they told the son "don't play outside, you might get shot or kidnapped"
"Don't worry about mowing the lawn, that's what the 'gardeners' are for"
"You need $20 for that new game? Here you go"
"What do you mean you're bored? Look at all these DVDs, games and toys you've got, here, take the Suburban and go get another one, I'm busy"

Yes it took me another 15 years to find something I enjoyed that people would actually pay me for but in the meantime I took every crumb thrown my way; detailing cars, painting, framing, yardwork. Nothing ever steady enough to keep me going but I was able to accomplish a few short-term goals out of it.

Another anyway: seems like such an NT thing to do, handpicking the schools and career paths of their brood

For every Bill or Steve, there's a few tens of thousands who fell through the cracks because they didn't have that damned piece of paper. So if you're a young person, you gotta ask yourself: are you feeling lucky?




We don't live in the 1800s anymore. It's got its upsides and its downsides, but that's what it is. You have to get that silly paper or you'll be marginilized in the economy, doing crappy, low-paid jobs. Sure ... after 10 or 20 years you might get lucky. But chances are just as good that you won't, and with unskilled labour being so volatile ... destitution and homelessness may catch you before you ever have a chance to get lucky. That's the reality. It ought to be different, but that's what it actually is.

Relying on luck and having to fall back on others all the time, is no way to live. It stinks. I hate it. I'd go now, even at this late date, if I wasn't up to my eyeballs in debt and unable to get a student loan.

For every Bill or Steve, there's a few tens of thousands who fell through the cracks because they didn't have that damned piece of paper. So if you're a young person, you gotta ask yourself: are you feeling lucky?

Apparently there are a lot who fell through the cracks even though they did have this damned piece of paper.

It also is fact that evil wins when good does nothing. I ask, why is it this way and why does it have to be this way. A lot of folks I've spoken to are pissed about the way things are in this country. Check out what this young man said and check out what svrcrow says. http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthre ... fb39c9f4f7

Svrcrow, has spoken to people as well. A lot people in this country are unhappy about how things are in this country. Yet, they accept it. Do you really want to know why it is the way it is and why life is unfair? There is a paradox to the answer and the answer is because most of the people choose to accept it this way. People accept unfairness because they've experienced and felt like they could do nothing. People feel like they can do nothing and it continues to perpetuate. Like I said, I think it is time to start questioning the way things are and American cultural values that exist here especially extreme internal locus of control.




Some of those who went to college and got the paper are up to their eyeballs in debt. Either way it goes it seems like it is heads you lose and tails you lose. It's called a catch-22. Maybe it is time to crash the airplane into sweden(metaphorically) like Orr did in the book catch-22.

Tune in, turn on, and drop out, eh?

That's not really doing anything, unless you're actually doing something else (which is harder without resources). Pushing a mop around or detailing cars because you didn't go to college isn't a revolution.



You don't have to shoot yourself in the foot to question things; in fact you can more effectively do so, if you don't shoot yourself in the foot.

First, I'm going to assume that I am 100% on the things I say and believe. If I am wrong, then why am I wrong not just on this post but on others that you have read in the past of mine? I am willing to learn if you're willing to provide knowledge. Honestly, for the most I will not be listened to what I say anyway so all I am doing is blowing hot air to the wind. As I see it, I believe we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. Neither will this Aunt of the kid.

Yes, tune in to pursuing objective truth, turn on to using logic, and drop out of practicing deceit, double-speaking, and lying. Question people's standard's and values.

If we're talking about Timothy Leary's version we're hell bound no matter what we do. What does one do when one is in a contradiction? They say if you can't beat them, you join them. You use double speak as well and you make the people think they are getting gold when it is actual crap but it is not crap but truly gold. You make the double-speakers believe they are pretending that it is crap they are selling to the people when it is actually gold. I don't want to fight the man. I am going to become the man. I will improve my social skills as well I would use doublespeak against double speak or BS against BS and achieve objective truth by using double negations. I will make gold from BS and as we speak I am slowly putting this into place. I call this quadruple speak. One may have to go north in order to go south if you understand my metaphor.

Sweetleaf and others if any of you read this if you want to beat the wolves you have to become a wolf.

How does going to college prevent any of these things? It's just sounds like you're romanticizing not having an education, as if it makes you more genuine than people who do. I don't see how. What is the difference between going to college to learn a trade such as locksmithing or steamfitting, and just taking a job like detailing cars, in terms of objective truth, logic, deceit, double-speaking, etc? Why is the locksmith or plumber more deceitful than the car detailer? Why does the skilled tradesperson's standards demand more scrutiny than the car detailer's?

We must question people's standards and values, indeed - starting with our own.



I don't recall disagreeing with you before ... I may well have done so, but I don't keep track of everyone. I suppose our underlying principles might differ - this could cause us to have different standards consistently. And I do tend to question people's standards and values. I have no dislike for you, if that's what you're implying.

We are comparing apples and oranges. I am encouraging the questioning of society's values, beliefs, and the way things our done including going to college and trying different things beyond the traditions of society? Why can't one be educated without ever obtaining a degree? I romantizize romanticize thinking is what I do. What I am trying to do is think outside of the box and get others to think outside the box including other ASD on here.

It seems like you're talking about something different entirely. I may be misinterpreting but it seems like you're saying to go down the traditional path like it is the only path. Many have tried it over and over again and failed every time. A lot of people have received degrees and still can't get a job. How do you know the outcomes for you would be any different if you went to college? You go to college to get an education and learn how to think not just get a job. In fact, going to college to learn how to think and to get educated was the orignal purpose. This is just one way to educate oneself. Maybe the outcomes would be a lot worse for you then they are now. Maybe you would have had college debt plus the debt you have now. How do you know your life would be any better than it is now?

Guess what? People write up their resume and submit it 100s of times to different places. Why would one continue on the same path and listen to advice from people and it consistently does not work? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Functioning in American society is just one way of existing and being successful. Are there are other ways we can all go that would be better for all of us? Am I even correct in some of the things I say in my previous post. I don't know. Should one even try to change and challenge society? Is this a good way to go? Again I don't know. Is doing something radically different a good way. I don't know.

My ultimate point is, let's think outside of the box and lets see what happens. I do question my own beliefs as well.

He was 18... an adult. He could have done whatever he wanted, as he was of age. He made his decision.

People can pressure him, but the ultimate decision was his. He CHOICE to go to college. Having society or familiar or relationship pressure doesn't FORCE you to do anything. You STILL have the CHOICE.

And society "pressures" people to get jobs, but look around here a while, and plenty of people don't "succumb" to that pressure either.

He is immature for treating his parent like that.

He is immature for blaming his parents that he went to college. He was privileged enough to attend and afford college. He CHOSE to go to college. He's an adult, not taking responsibility for HIS CHOICE, instead blaming his parents. That's immaturity. It has nothing to do with autism.

Your other comments don't make any sense, so I won't reply to those. Employers who can do no wrong? When did we say that? You don't like one employer's actions, you work for another employer.

Bottom line: he's an adult. He made a choice. He now has to live with it. Humans should take responsibility for themselves. Part of being responsible is finding a job you can do, or finding family to take you in.

Um, a 0% chance of disabled persons working? No. With rehab, placement and work skill aid, and perseverance, persons with disabilities can work just like anyone else can.

Exactly.

EXACTLY.