guys who do that are jerks, and I've never dated them. I think that there is a difference between sexual harassment and friendly teasing, but it's obviously up to the original poster to know what is going here.
c-ed wrote:
Can I give you an NT perspective on this? Did you ever know a boy in elementary school who teased you, kicked you, made fun of you, and was a general nuisance to you? That boy liked you. And for some unknown reason, even grown men really seem to enjoy teasing women, and they never ever know when to stop. Sometimes you can take the teasing up to a point, but then it crosses a line and upsets you or makes you mad, and THEY CAN'T TELL. I have dated lots of guys who do this, and I'm a pretty straightforward NT woman who communicates extremely well, and they still can't tell they've crossed the line. It's almost as though they're getting an adrenaline high from the "game," and they're not receiving any other input. Not to excuse it, but I'm just telling you this is well-known territory.
I can also tell you this, your reactions are fueling this. They are enjoying you reactions, and likely even viewing them as participation on your part. And I'm going to give you the same advice that my mom gave me about that boy in elementary school who wouldn't leave me alone: IGNORE HIM. Any messed-up thing he does gets no reaction from you. And I mean nothing: no words, no eye contact, no grimace, no laugh, nothing. It's as though he doesn't exist. It would actually be best if you physically left the room, if possible. If he's behaving appropriately and nicely, go ahead and interact away. Reward him with your attention when he's doing something right. If not, he gets nothing. It may take a while because he has been getting attention for it in the past, and it may get worse before it gets better (it's called an "extinction burst"), but power through it. I can almost guarantee you the situation will improve.
Now that I have said that, I will say this. It is NEVER OK to put your hands on another person without their consent. I don't mean to imply that what they're doing is acceptable. I had a different read on this situation than many others who replied, and I could be wrong. If you are quite sure these guys aren't a physical danger to you (and you sound like you are), I think this is what's going on.
It sounds like the only thing you HAVEN'T tried is ignoring them. So why not give it a try?
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"To be stupid, selfish, and have a good health are the three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost."
-Gustave Flaubert
05 Dec 2007, 7:58 pm
That's possible assault, which would leave them there, and you on the street.
