Standing up for myself

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I have worked in the same company for nearly 6 years and it's through a work program for people with disabilities. The company is a real job where you clock in and out and then have have regular shifts. Anyway, the owner of the company has a son with Autism and he is a more severe case that I do. I have Asperger's myself and I work there part-time and go to school online. I feel like she has been jealous of my ever since I have gotten good grades and gotten to do all these things that she feels her son can't. In response, she has been cutting me down and has been talking down to me as if she thinks I am a child and too disabled to do anything. She makes comments that no one will be interested in me or that my choice of career has been too hard for me. She is also very short and snotty with me when I try to talk to her at all. Mean while, she has treated all the other women who work there better and has even done girl's lunch with them and leaves me out unless it's a whole employee deal.


Someone today told me to tell her how I felt but I am scared of getting fired. How should I communicate at her without sound disrespectful?

Last edited by Miyah on 20 Jan 2010, 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You say son and you say she and I can't understand your post.

How old is this person or how old are these people?

The owner of the company is in her 50's and has a son with a severe case of Autism and she acts like one of the preppy mean girls in high school. She cuts me down all the time and talks down to me, knowing that I have Asperger's syndrome.

Her comments do sound quite harsh, but she may have a point in that when you go to work, nobody wants to hear how hard it is for you; everybody has their difficulties but people just get on with it. Also, bear in mind that when she gets back from work she has to deal with her severely autistic son, so she may be exhausted and highly stressed out herself most days.

I am not telling her about my harsh life. I try to talk about something positive, and she is negative regardless and I am getting tired of it.

Hey lene, quit being mean to this poster. It's people like you that prevent us aspies from succeeding in the business world.

this might be a key, it might be that she's projecting her resentment from the care she has to give to her son onto the poster (which is wrong, 100%). I didn't catch your country of origin but in the U.S. she can't discriminate against you based on your disability. I'm not so sure it's a good idea to tell her your feelings. I would go through a period of documenting every discriminatory or hostile action (leaving you out of lunch, for example) without telling ANYONE that you are doing so. You then need to think hard about what action to take. If she has borderline tendencies any action from you (like talking to her about your feelings) might end up setting you up for retaliation and give her grounds to say you are asking for special treatment. If you got the job through an agency maybe talk to them about how you feel.

One thing it's taken me a very long time to come to terms with in life is that sometimes people aim very low in life in terms of their own behavior and treatment of others. That's probably not the best way of expressing it but they do. You might be able to call your employment security commission and ask about advice on how to handle a discriminatory situation correctly. I just think you need more feedback before you proceed.

You know, this is what we in my company would call "Self-advocacy." I'm trying to think of a better way to put this (anyone want to jump in here and try to work on the wording?), but you really need to talk to your boss. A self-advocacy statement is not an attack. Rather, it is something like this:

"Excuse me, ma'am? I've been thinking about the professional relationship we have, and I think I need to improve my communication with you. I would appreciate it if we could have cordial conversations, and hopefully put whatever problem we may have behind us."

(Okay, the wording sucks and I need a little help, but that's basically the gist of what to say)

This does three things:
1) It shoulders your responsibility, showing that mayhaps you may have been have a communication issue
2) It shoulders her responsibility, saying that you don't think (for whatever reason) that you have been communicating cordially with her
3) It leaves what you believe (and may NOT be the problem, just fyi ) to be the problem out of the equation.

However, I would like a little help with the wording...

I wasn't being mean I was just trying to see the situation from more than one perspective.

Miyah, sorry I misread your initial post; I thought it was you saying your chosen career was too hard for you, not her.