Aspergers. What do I tell my employer?

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Hi,

I've been handed the diagnosis of "Aspergers" by a consultant psychiatrist today and am in a bit of a state about it. If any of you can offer me advice then please do so.....

I've known I've had problems "upstairs" for around 20 years but about 8 months ago during a really stressful time in my life I started losing grip on my life. My Doctor diagnosed me as depressed and dosed me up on prozac style pills but eventually I got referred to a psychiatrist. They have today told me to stop all medication and start learning to deal with Aspergers.

This is the UK NHS we're dealing with so I have been given no information other than being told to research it myself and to learn how to deal with the symptoms (OK - I've been doing this undiagnosed all my life anyway but now I know why!).

I've been working from home mostly for 3 months but my employer is keen to get me back into the office - but I was having problems dealing with the face to face stresses there and was havign a hard time keeping a lid on my frustrations.

Do I tell my emplyer that I have been diagnosed as Aspergers or do I tell them it is all stress related and "blag it" for a few months while I try and sort my life/condition/future?

How have other peoples employers reacted to an adult diagnosis like this?

FYI - I work in I.T. (suprise, suprise) and am a 43 year old male, but the company I work for is ruthless with employees. I'm seriously worried about this.

Okay, if they're ruthless, then play a very measured hand. Tell them something vague like that it's stress related.

And, by the way, welcome to the group!

Welcome to WP, I hope that you are happy here.

My advice is to think before you act, you should go get expert advice from somewhere such as a citizen's advice buero.

You now have a disability. Bear in mind at in the UK discrimination against the disabled is against the law.

The benefit of Asperger's is that we can dive deeper into topics. And maybe the world is also a richer place. For example, I recently learned that big strides have been made with "Oral Rehydration Therapy," that it's maybe no longer really the case of one bag of IV fluid and the rest by mouth, but getting it right with the fluid itself, and so the world is a friendlier place and a more just place. I haven't yet seen Atavar, but am tickled pink that people are open to these ideas. And that Sandra Bullock and Meryl Streep apparantly shared a pretty passionate kiss at a previous awards ceremony (!) (!) I did not know this, but I learned this Sunday night.

Okay, my idea day or job might be my own individual intellect work first part of the day, combined intellectual and social work mid to late afternoon including meeting new people (I kind of enjoy politics where you meet new people and there's a topic to talk about), then maybe social in the evening with people I already know. I really liked driving home from parties with a previous girlfriend, we would kind of review what had happened socially.

Okay, I think in a lot of IT workplaces, the managers do not fully respect the nerds, and that's basically the fact of the matter. There was a documentary maybe on the early days of gaming that covered some of the history of Atari, one company executive contemptuously referred to the designers as a bunch of prima donnas (it sounds like he was a prima donna!). Okay, reading the tea leaves of the market and determining not really where the market is now but where it's likely to be, that too is a skill. But so is doing the actually programming and the handshakes between systems and/or languages.

Now, Dave, just imagine, if you got a reasonable boss, someone who operates according to the realilty principle? Imagine how good that would be! So perhaps, entirely on your own terms, you can go look for a better job. And perhaps in the time being, you could somewhat disengage from this job and handle it in a more superficial manner (we Aspies might go so much in depth, that superficial to us . . . well, it still might be pretty good, and it might have the advantage of being quicker.)

Okay, on second languages, reading Richard Feynman's second book ("What Do YOU Care What Other People Think?"), he was spending time with his first wife who was in the hospital with tuberculosis. They got talking about how bloodhounds have 100 or so times the sense of smell as humans, it sounds like they were both pretty brainy, intellectual people (maybe Aspie, maybe not, and either way is perfectly okay). And Richard got thinking, so how bad are humans anyway? As I remember the story, there was a rack of glasses, either in the room or perhaps they were in the hospital cafeteria. So, Richard suggested that he step out of the room and that his wife touch one of the glasses all over and when he came back, he'd see if he could tell which one she had touched. So he came back in and it was so obvious which one she had touched! So, next time, she touched one just a little bit and he could still tell.

In a similar way, although childhood may be the best time to learn a new language, a person in their 50s might be able to learn Swahili and might get pretty good at.

So, a diagnosis of Asperger's, might mean that there are new realms we can learn, and although much of this may be in the sense of a second language, we might still be able to get pretty good at it!

Well, I'm from the US not the UK, but here goes.

I Would NEVER tell an employer. Ever. The only reason I would tell an employer is if they were involved in my personal lfe, like they were my best best friend or relative. My husband is an Aspie and works in IT as well and he says he would NEVER "come out" at work. he says he knows that they would most likely not understand and would start looking for a reason to let him go. Fortunately for him he works from home 75% of the time. The other 25% is face to face sales stuff though and it is THAT part that causes difficulties for him. In fact he is looking for another type of job as he has decided that sales is NOT for him. He is hoping to get back into a purely technical job like ones he has had in the past. Even with these difficulties he says he would NEVER tell them. We of course have laws against discrimination, but employers get around that ALL the time.

I am not sure what type of IT job you have but maybe you can tweak your job a bit to have it be more suitable for your situation (My husband for instance tries to make as many meetings via phone/internet instead of in person. Plus it makes more sense that way since his customers are all over the southern half of this state so he can sometimes sell more by talking to people via phone or internet). If not, I would maybe look for another job. There are SO many IT jobs that do not require a lot of face-to-face interaction or socialization or sales. I hope you feel better Finding out something like this can be shocking at first sometimes, but then it can be very reassuring because you can understand yourself better because of it

PS- even here in the US with our "great health care" *eye roll* all we get is a dianosis and the convo ends there. Like many others and myself have said in other threads the majority of doctors don't even seem to know what Asperger's is. And even when they THINK they do their ideas about it are wrong (that we CAN'T feel or that all Autistics and Aspies are "Rain Man" or that it can be cured with drugs). So I would research it yourself. Good luck and I hope this helps.

On thinking about it, if you just stop the medication, you could have a wicked drop in serotonin, or some other neurotransmitter I don't even know about. I think the general advice, even for reactive depression where a person's external situation has changed and when they have learned and practiced new skills, is to come off the medication slowly.

And just like a person with Asperger's can suffer from high blood pressure or an unhealthy ratio of good cholesterol to bad cholesterol, a person with Asperger's can certainly suffer from depression.

Don't let them be clunky. By that I mean, don't let them make a textbook decision that sounds good but isn't working. Trust the feel and texture of the situation. And if need be, consider going back to your original doctor who gave you the prozac-like pills.

And it sounds like this company's work environment, and we'll put this gentiley, has a fair to middling amount of social interactions that are confusing and/or negative (how that's!). And that would wear on a person and bog down even someone with above-average social skills.

Perhaps you can continue to primarily work from home, and go in on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons? Or meet with selective colleagues in ways that work for you?

That's good advice. I'm surprised. I had the idea that throwing pills at everything is the only health strategy these days. I recommend regular exercise, a clean diet, and meditation to put in its stead.



I only mention asperger's if it's a job I don't want. I think the strategy you outline is a good one.

I concur, particularly with exercise, which is a demonstrated mood elevator.

However, however . . . I still think you may want to come off something like prozac in phases. And, sometimes a person does need an antidepressant, and for those times, it's a good thing that they're available.

Thanks for the advice......

Now I've had a night to sleep on it (thanks to the wonders of 20mg of Temazipam) things are a little clearer.

My hand has been forced at work. A couple of weeks ago my employers sent me to a private Doctor to have an independant occupational health review so they could have an idea as to my ongoing employability. As I was still labelled as being depressed and suffering from stress related problems I signed all the paperwork giving them permission to have medical details from my Doctor and my Consultant Psychiatric - who I had not seen at that time but I was expecting to back the depressed/stressed ticket.

So...... This will come out.

My Psychiatrist said yesterday he was delaying making an official diagnosis for three months when I would go back to see him. I think therefore I have three months and maybe a few weeks before Human Resources at work are handed a written report about this. I suppose I could start writing letters withdrawing my permission for them to have my medical details but that would probably be very suspicious.

So the good news is that I have a little breathing space, but the bad news is they will have a very detailed report on the inside workings of my head by summer.

Oh well, it's out of your hands then. If you are good at your job then that's in your favour. They may be glad that it's asperger's and not something worse. Good luck.

The short answer is that if you want your employer to accommodate your special needs in the workplace, you have to tell them about it. At least you have a Dx to back you up.

If you can get by without anyone knowing, it might be wise to not tell anyone, but that doesn't look like your situation.

UK law in this area is very different from what I'm used to here in the US. In my experience, an employer even asking to have copies of your medical information would be highly inappropriate. The only exception to this is usually for positions involving security clearance, large sums of money, or children.

I told an employer once, and it turned out to be a poor decision. She then decided that I was simply using my disability as an excuse.

WOW. I'm sorry. That really sucks. Not sure what to tell you, that just doesn't happen here in the states unless you're a cop or in a similar job and go through something traumatic. That is the only time I have ever heard of an employer sending someone to a dr. and requesting the results.

At least you have a few months. I would just start looking for another job. Maybe this won' cause problems, but just in case I would look. I'm glad you're feeling like you can think a bit more clearly about it though. I wish you all the luck

It sounds like you’ve made the correct poker read. If you attempt to withdraw permission at this point, that might look more suspicious. And like the person says above, they may be glad it’s Asperger’s and not something else. And just maybe, Asperger’s is enjoying some cachet in the IT field?

Or, perhaps to give you a little cover, some people think Asperger’s is overdiagnosed these days and is trendy.

My advice would be to be matter-of-fact, almost breezy. ‘They tell me it means I’m strong on technical skills, but sometimes miss on picking up on social aspects.’


‘It means I have patchy social skills. Now, every human being on the face of the Earth has patchy social skills. But I think mine are more patchy than average. Apparently, I’m not aware of certain social cues and undertones. And it’s like anything, it’s hard to be aware of what you’re not aware of!’

That’s more the kind of thing you might tell a friend. And, it sounds like the people at this workplace aren’t exactly the friendliest blokes (now, I myself am a Yank, but how is that for putting it in English terms?).

Now, the standard advice is that it’s easier looking for a job with a job. That is written across the sky, probably in almost every single job hunting book out there, but . . . when I have a bad job, that is so draining of emotional and social energy, that I have very little left over. And the standard advice, almost always implied, that you look for a job in big, say, four hour blocks of time, like all Saturday morning. That’s too much (especially since a job hunt involves a number of decisions that I need to feel my way to). So, perhaps nimbling at a job hunt a couple of times a week? Perhaps something like that.

I have never told an employer, because I frankly don't see it as anyone's business. Sometimes I wish I could so that my actions might be better understood, but they would be even more confused and I would probably experience discrimination. I guess it's hard for me to figure out how "normal" I seem. I have trouble knowing if I can successfully fly under the radar, or if I'm the person at work that obviously "off." If I can get away with seeming normal, why tell them, but if it's assumed I have a disorder anyway, they might as well know what it is. I wish there was some sort of test to figure out how I'm adapting to social situations these days.

But I think that's another topic (sort of). At work, my biggest issue is not knowing what is appropriate to discuss...mostly because I think that the way you say something dictates the extent of what you are allowed to say (note:just a theory). I think this is something that is a normal problem, but the extra layer of "work" just confuses the hell out of me.

I think it's incredibly bizarre that this information is being released to your employer. I don't know what can be done about it, but you have my sympathies. I've never been to a psychiatrist, but does the report explain what Aspergers is and so forth? That would be a lot more enlightening for the situation, as opposed to a stark diagnosis that allows them to come to their own conclusions.

Unrelated edit: I think I say I think too much.