Looking for advice on what I should do about work/life

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This may come off kind of like a complaint/rant post but it's not meant to be that way. I really am looking for advice on stuff & posting mite help me sort things out. I'm unemployed & I've been unemployed for about year & a half now. I'm currently receiving Social Security Disability but there's no future on that. I don't get a lot of money so I'm stuck living with my parents who make it very clear that I should be doing SOMETHING with my life instead of being dependent on them. My mom's stuck at a job she hates & she cant afford to retire because I'm still living here & not paying for my fair share of expenses; I cant afford it. I felt better when I was working because it gets boring being at home doing nothing after a while. Plus I'm not around people much at all & I think having a job would help me socially as well as making me more independent. My problem is I'm not sure what kinds of jobs I could do fairly well thou. I do not officially have Aspergers but I'm pretty sure I fit the profile but I also have some other disabilities that are severely limiting me & I do not think I have any of the special skills/strengths that people with AS sometimes have.

I was born with a rare genetic vision disorder where that causes me to have some colorblindness. I have problems seeing things in certain colors like it's hard for me to see things written in blue sometimes. I also am very sensitive to lighting conditions & I actuality see better in lower light. I am very nearsighted as well & have problems seeing fine details at distances. My vision acuity on paper is 20/100 but lighting conditions & colors of things affect it a lot. It's hard for me to explain. I cant drive cuz of it witch is a bummer cuz i live in a rural area with no public transportation & lots of the stores/businesses are over 15 miles away so that means I'm dependent on my parents for transpiration & they both work; it's one of the many things they say I'm to dependent on em for. My vision disorder was not diagnosed or recognized by a doc till my senior year of high-school & I was born with it. There is no cure or treatment for my vision. It's something I have to deal with as it is the best I can.

I also have a tremor disorder where I have problems doing things with fine motor skills. It's not quite consistent but things like stress & anxiety make it worse. I generally don't have problems doing basic everyday stuff but my tremors are more with the fine motor skills. I could have problems doing hardware things on my computer like putting ram in or trying to screw in a hardrive for example. My handwriting is barely legible & it takes me a while to write anything. I'm also extremely uncomfortable on ladders. My tremors can affect my voice sometimes when I'm tired or nervous as well. I think I've had problems most all my life but I think being on meds for different mental stuff in the past made em worse. There are treatments available & I've tried a lot of the meds for it but they made me very sick or caused me to be constantly tired &r had mental side-effects. I'm much much more functional NOT being on any meds rite now.

I've been diagnosed as Dyslexic & ADHD sense I started kindergarten & I've had lots of problems academically. I'm not good at math & I barely passed algebra1. My spelling is very bad to & I sometimes spell or type the letters in the wrong places to like I'll spell "the" "teh" for example; I've had lots of problem in English class but my reading comprehension was pretty good thou it takes me a long time to read cuz I read very slowly. I never learned from studding or doing homework. I am an auditory leaner thou I often did not look at my teachers while they wer talking. I also get names, dates, numbers & words confused. I also get left & right confused & I am extremely bad with directions/maps/diagrams ect. I never wanted to go to college because I had some many problems academically I think I was only able to graduate high-school because some of my teachers curved my grade. The idea of going to college & taking coarses I had problems with in school seems completely pointless to me.

After I graduated high-school in 2001 I started working with LRS(Louisiana Rehabilitation Services). LRS sent me to a training center for about 6months for people with vision problems to learn life skills & stuff. After I got out of that program I worked with LRS in trying to get a job & they did very little for me except tell me to keep asserting myself. I was actively looking for a job for over two years before I got my 1st job. I wasn't quite aware of all my limitations then & I was applying at lots of places every month & I bet I had less than 5 interviews in the over two years I had been looking before I got my 1st job.

The 1st job I got was a dishwasher & I got that job because I was working with another organization in addition to LRS who lined it up for me. I had problems doing certain aspects of the job like cleaning tables but I did a good job with the actual washing of dishes despite my physical problems. I'm obsessive compulsive & I found techniques that helped. I really disliked the job thou cuz there was a lot of pressure at times, I had problems doing certain aspects & the chemicals wer really bad on my skin. I do NOT want to go back to dish-washing. I was there for 10 months & I left because I got hired at WalMart.

WalMart hired me to do stocking but I had lots of problems cuz of my tremors & I couldn't read the upc codes/labels so after a couple nites they transferred me to maintenance department. Maintenance was a lot of cleaning floors & stuff. I had a lots of problems at 1st but my supervisor & some of my coworkers saw me trying & they wer willing to work with me. I could never do the advanced stuff like really using the machines but I did the basics very well & I was able to assist with advanced stuff & move equipment ect. I was there for 25 months & I left because management changed & I started having lots of problems. Management kept pulling me off to do other things & complained cuz the work I was supposed to be doing didn't get done. I had been working over 55 hours a week cuz we wer shorthanded & the stress got to bad for me to stay anymore. We had a contract crew assisting us & shortly after I left the department disappeared & the contract crew took over. I think management wanted me gone cuz I would of had problems in other departments.

The next & last job I had was a custodian at a sporting-good store. I had problems doing certain aspects of the job at times because of my tremors & I did not feel safe handling the box-cutter to toss trash at times or climbing ladders to dust shelves. I've tried getting treatment for my tremors & I had to go home cuz I felt like I was having a stroke & the docs ran test but only told me it was not a stroke. I think the med made me sick. After being out for two weeks I was told that due to company policy they no longer considered me employed but they would take me back if I reapplied. I never reapplied cuz I was still trying to get treatment for tremors & did NOT feel safe. After a while of the treatment making me sick; I quit seeing the doc. That was the last job I had.

I've been having conversations lately with my parents about how they wish I was working & we usually end up arguing. They think I quit WalMart & the sporting-good store because I am lazy & do not want to work. I was working over 55 hours a week when I could so it is NOT about me being lazy. They keep telling me that I should be doing something that would help me get a job or make some progress in life rite now but I have no clue what that something is & when I ask em; they tell me that it is for me to figure out & that I do not listen to their suggestions. The only thing they suggest is for me to apply at McDonalds. I do not think fast-food is safe because I don't handle stress well, I get confused & I think it's dangerous for me to be around hot grease. My parents think I'm making excuses when I talk about my limitations because they have not noticed me having any tremor problems lately but I am usually not doing things with fine motor-skills around em & I am not stressed out. They keep telling me that I can do anything I put my mind to but I believe I'm trying to be realistic about my options but I feel I don't have any rite now. I honestly felt better when I was working & I really liked what I did at WalMart even thou there was no advancement; it was challenging enough for me. I've tried putting in apps at other places for stuff like that but I cant do advance stuff so I have no luck. I've been working with LRS & another organization but my state is having lots of problems & the social services wer the 1st things to get cut so programs that would help me find a job are severly overloaded & underfunded. Lots of places are not wanting to hire people with limitations rite now. I feel like I am stuck. I feel I have no choices/options & my parents think the problem is all my attitude. I have no clue what I am supposed to be doing. I'm not really expecting anything from this post & maybe I should of just made a blog instead but maybe someone can think of something that I haven't.

Hey man, I don't really have any advice. Just wanted to say that I sympathize. Feeling stuck in one's situation really, really sucks. Keep your eyes and heart open. May you be happy.

Thanx for that I think I would be happier if I felt like more people could sympathize or least be accepting of my situation but if I had something going on that would be even better. I understand that my parents, especially my mom are frustrated & concerned because they are worried about me being on my own after they die but their method of pressuring me/pushing me/encouraging me is NOT helping. Maybe they are rite in a way cuz I guess I can understand why they think I am lazy rite now because I am being a leach on society & them. I'll admit that the phrase "Learned Helplessness" is a major theme in my life but when I do try my very best; people still think I'm not trying. I wish they would tell me what to do instead of all this I have to decide & put my mind to stuff because I do NOT comprehend that

I wonder if you are thinking too hard about these jobs that you're sort of ruling them out before you even try (it's easy to do).

Maybe you could try applying for anything and everything and stick each job out for as long as you can stand. You may find that some of the anxiety gos away as you become more used to it. Remember, nobody's job is forever in this day and age, and it's actually almost a blessing that you can change frequently.

It'll also get your parents off your back. I understand your problem, but I do feel really sorry for your mum.

I do apply at places when I think it's something I mite could do & if I get lucky I get an interview but I don't get the job & one of my parents gets inconvenienced by having to miss work to bring me to the interview. I feel bad about the whole situation but I'm worried about potentially screwing up my benefits to. My benefits got cut off rite before I got sick at my last job. I didn't have any money coming in for a few month after; I was on SSI then thou. I was also having lots of medical bills because I wanted to keep working; I'm still paying that debt off. I think I would of been better off if I didn't take that job cuz I was on there a couple months. I guess I'm afraid I'll make my situation worse by getting a job that I'm not capable or safe doing. I don't want to make anything worse.
I do have a tendency to over-think things a lot yet parents say that i don't think. I'm horrible at making decisions sometimes

It sounds like you have a number of very real factors that are coming together to make getting work difficult.

1. Your rural location and the need to arrange transportation
2. The depressed economy in lousiana
3. Physical problems that limit the kinds of work you can effectively do

But there are two things in your posts that make me think you have more abilities than you might believe.

1. You state your problems clearly and throughally [sorry, I've never been able to spell that word]
2. You say you are an "auditory" learner.

I work in video post production, doing graphics and visual effects. I am a visual learner and it's an area that works well for me. The guy who does sound mixing and recording where I work is profoundly color blind and would not fare well in the visual aspects of film making.

You seem to have a good ability to examine and analyze a problem. Perhaps it would be helpful to write a detailed list of the things you are good at and the things you enjoy doing and start identifying how these might be turned into a viable job or the beginnings of a career.

If you learn and interact with the world better through sound, you might look into following a path that would get you work in areas where being good with sounds is important. As I mentioned with my co-worker, there is sound mixing and recording. Obviously this takes time and experience to get these jobs, but is there a local music scene you could get involved with.

But working with "auditory" learning isn't limited to music. A teacher who talks and listens to students could make effective use of auditory faculties. A bicycle repairman might learn to diagnose problems by listening to the sound a wheel or a chain makes as it goes around. I used to work as a movie projectionist and I could tell when a projector needed adjusting or repair just by the sound it made while it was running.

You may need to deal with entry level jobs still. Think about what jobs, even at the entry level, might benefit more from an ability to hear than to see. Or think about how the skills you may have at processing auditory stimulous might be effective as an alternative way of doing a job.

You express yourself well and with a spell checker and some careful proof reading, you might find that you could be valuble in work that requires examining problems and finding solutions.

Obviously if you have trouble with spelling, being a transcriber might not be an ideal job. But if you can overcome the problems with spelling, or find adequate work arounds such as a spelling and grammar checker, you might do well doing freelance transcribing. But just because you have trouble with spelling now, doesn't mean that you cannot work to overcome those problems. There are some disabilities you may never be able to get over, but there are many that you can. Reading some of my essays from early college, I am astounded that I actually got into college, much less graduated, but over time, with work, I learned to write adequately enough to get published in some magazines. It took a huge amount of work and I'm still not the greatest writer around, but I'm adequate. You need to think in terms of how you can amplify and improve the skills you have rather than looking at your disabilities.

It takes a lot of work and it will take a lot longer than you would like. But it can be done.

You are clearly pretty good at examining a problem. You need to examine where your skills lie and figure out how to put them to use.

Good luck,

Lars

Thanx jagatai your post make sense & I will have to think about it for a while.

I think the economy here is/was one of the best parts of the nation cuz of the oil industry/offshore jobs. The social programs/services wer cut early on thou to save money as well witch I think will make things much worse in the long run. Now we have this oil leak in the golf. Seafood was a big thing here & now grocery stores are not allowed to sell it for the time being. I'm not sure what's going to happen now but I'm guessing lots of shrimpers will be looking for work soon. Plus it's summer time so lots of people out of school could be working rite now.

I am good at analyzing things but I think I tend to overdue it sometimes(or lots of times). It took me a couple hours to type type it up thou. It takes time for me to figure out how to say what I want & I still don't feel like I make sense sometimes; I think it was a easier for me before I tried out any meds cuz now I feel I keep zoning-out more & it's harder to concentrate.

I was a auditory learner in school but it makes sense considering my bad vision & problems noticing details even when I do see it. My hearing is better than average(guess it could be related to my vision being bad maybe) but if there's lots of noises; I can get confused/distracted by it. When that happens; I sometimes process/hear things wrong or miss out on something.

I'm not sure what I'm good at. I never had a dream-job or something that I really wanted to do or felt I could do. What I was good at with work was caring & effort. I don't feel like I have strengths/skills with things unrelated to work either well my mom says I'm good at arguing & complaining I don't really do much for fun except listen to music, watching TV & spending time online