Sorry to be a downer, but...

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I'm 30 years old, and I feel like I'm not capable of doing half of the things I want to do. I wanted to become a writer, a dog trainer, a certified professional organizer, a maid, and a CIA clandestine agent or government translator (I guess the last one sounds pretty far fetched, but it did seem pretty cool anyway), but in the real world I'm just a teacher, and I took out around a hundred thousand dollars in student loans just to get here. I only make enough each month to cover my expenses. I would love to go back and get some good training to learn how to do some of those other really great jobs.

I have taken a few steps towards getting training for the good jobs. I'm taking dog training courses online, but, from what I can tell, I've successfully wasted my money. The lessons are good, but I'm paying more than I would have for a course at a regular four-year college. I've also been practicing creative writing and posting online. People are brutal and really know how to crush dreams. You would think that after earning a degree in English I would be at least a somewhat decent writer, but I think there's a lot for me to improve upon. Plus, it's a horrid distraction from my teaching job, because I constantly daydream about what to put on paper. As for CPO, I'm already totally disorganized, like abysmally disorganized. I don't like it. Believe it or not, I actually like being in a clean and orderly place, but I don't know how to keep it that way. It always seems like too much work and not enough reward. I feel like helping clean other people's houses is out of the question, even though some teenagers do this as their summer job. Why am I so bad at this that I can't even do what teenagers do successfully? I sometimes honestly just feel worthless. I was learning a foreign language in preparation to go overseas, but I got to the part where I could benefit from having a conversation partner and froze. Situations like that make me pretty nervous. I hate that people I respect and really want to learn from probably believe I'm some kind of jerk because of irrational social fears.

I was diagnosed with ASD about a year or so ago, and although it answered a lot of questions, it also made me just feel like dirt. No one really cares about you, and if you work with people all of the time, you begin to wonder why people claim to care so much about the health and well-being of others when they really don't.

It seems to me that you would be a great manager in one or more of your desired careers. Managers need to be enthusiastic about the variety of things that they oversee. But, they can't afford the time it would take to actually do the detail work. You appear to know a little about a lot of things (think renaissance man), and a lot about some other things. Combining all your knowledge into managing could work wonders for you. I have known many educators who ended up in management careers in marketing, lobbying, negotiating and public relations. After all, the hoped-for careers you described (like education) require a lot of knowledge skills where seeking quick answers for a hundred questions a day makes you irreplaceable.

Okay, but how should I get started?

okay. i am 34 years old. and i do not just feel like i am not "capable of doing half the things i want to do." i am incapable of doing all the things i want to do (in terms of vocations). without exaggeration. seriously. in the past, i have wanted to become a writer, a structural engineer, a physicist, an accountant.

and then only jobs i have had were minimum wage. and got fired from almost all of them. all the job skills i know how to do, all the other idiots also know how to do.

https://studentaid.ed.gov/sa/repay-loan ... on/teacher

there are some programs that forgive student loans, for teachers.

and i do not earn enough to cover anything. and it has been a long time since someone made the mistake of hiring my worthless corpse. pretty soon i have to start aggressively panhandling.

what is a "decent writer" is subjective. you can't measure the quality of your writing. plenty of times, someone told me i was good at writing and should get published. but they themselves did not know what it took to go through the publication process. and they might have been biased in my favor b/c at the time they were my precious lil "friends".

vice versa. likewise. the feedback about your writing, that someone gave you, might not be accurate. if they themselves have gotten published, then that is one thing. but if they have not gotten published, then you should not even take their responses into account altogether.

everyone is good (smart) at some things and bad (stupid) at other things. (theory of multiple intelligences). IQ test. weschler, wais, wiat. stanford binet.

maybe you are not good at cleaning houses, but you are good at other things.

it could have to do with anything, from executive functioning disorder, to organization, to anything.

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besides there are plenty of things i am extremely bad @ too. big deal. that does not make you any morally inferior to someone.

likewise, what if you were good @ cleaning houses, then what? whooptie do.

yeah that's it though.

b/c in the past, sometimes i wished i was good (or at least better) @:

structural engineering, mechanical engineering, math, physics, computers

english/writing/reading

socially

handling emotions

physical strength/speed/coordination

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but. hey. whatever.

so what, i am bad at them? it is not a felony to be bad at them.

and someone that is good @ them is not a morally superior person to me.

It's just a game I play... the right people will come to me and for the other idiots it goes over their heads.

Earlier this year I put an ad in the big paper saying "Aspie for short-term hire as consultant" and no one wants to hire me LOL So I'll just come here and have fun with you guys instead and screw them for their greed and ignorance and go on destroying the planet and wish some of you were with me on this LOL

Those were good suggestions. I was a pretty decent short story writer once upon a time, but I've gotten out of practice, and my OCD sometimes won't allow me to write, but I guess that's another story entirely. I guess I can share it anyway. I sometimes get the idea that certain things are "wrong" and it's difficult for me to get those ideas out of my head, really difficult. I didn't have this problem when I was a child, but after I became an adult I met people who constantly feed these OCD worries. Right now, it's at a point where I do feel guilty for a lot of the things I once wouldn't have thought twice about. I hate this feeling, too, but I just can't shake it sometimes.

There's work at the Hyundai, Kia, and other Korean car factories. I've heard a lot of people did not like those jobs, and to me, a school teacher is a great alternative to all the other jobs you wanted. Tom Hank's character in Saving Private Ryan was a school teacher, so that's cool.