Asperger family!! !

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I am new to this site. I had 3 kids with my previous husband. My second child has aspergers. She is now 16. I remarried 6 years ago and had 2 more kids. My husband and I have been in marriage counseling for the past 6 months. I insisted on counseling because our communication is completely ineffective. My husband is also inattentive to everyone's needs most of the time. He is very ridgid. Our lives revolve around his routines and we all walk on eggshells. He is quick to become angry, and when he is angry, he is mean. Our counselor has talked about the fact that he is unable to have empathy for others but has never mentioned the possibility of being in the spectrum. I recently spoke with a psychologist that goes to our church and explaioned to her that we were having trouble. She said that she has observed that he may have asperger like behaviors. On Wednesday, our naturopath came over to help me with some health issues. She told me that it was obvious to her that my husband has aspergers as well as our 5 year old and possibly our 3 year old. Our naturopath works a lot with developmental disabilities. If my husband does have this, why would these other people see it and not our family marriage therapist. Why after having a child with aspergers(and being very active with her care) would I marry someone with it and not know it? I love my husband and I love my kids. I am just extremely overwhelmed with the possibility of 4 out of 7 of my family members having aspergers!! ! help, I need some support!! !

Welcome to Wrong Planet, aspiemommy!!

If three of your children by two different fathers have AS, maybe you have it, too.

Or she could just be attracted to asperger's men and the ex may have it, too.

Or she could be a carrier and not have it. My mother doesn't have it but there is autism and asperger's all over her side of the family. (My father has asperger's as well.)

Thanks for the replies. Interestingly I did think of those possibilities. I do not believe at all that I have any aspergers or anyone in my family. My ex-husband does not have it either. My ex does have it in his family. I believe that my husband does have it which would explain why my 2 little kids have it. Now that I think about it, he also has 2 aunts & an uncle who are not very social. None of them have ever married or have any children. Maybe I am attracted to it without realizing it. I remember falling in love with him partly because he was so unique and that If I looked for a hundred years, I would never find anyone else like him. I have to hold onto that somehow. Lately I've been too caught up in hurt because I am not getting my emotional needs met by him. I love him and I know he loves me. Is it possible that this can work? Can I get my emotional needs met somewhere else? It seems that there was something said in our wedding vows where this would apply. For better for worse, in sickness and in health. 3 years ago when I was hospitalized for an emergency with my heart, he stuck by me. He was not happy about it because it was not part of his routine, but he did not leave me. Makes me think I need to try. What are peoples thoughts on marriages working. Is it possible?

Or ASPD:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ASPD

Yes. With a lot of work, patience, and compromise on both sides.

I have AS, my partner does not. We live as common-law married (I lose some of my disability benefits if we marry) and have been together for eleven years so far. It's hard work, but if both people are willing to work on meeting in the middle, it can work.