What Do You Do When Your Job Turns Into A Nightmare?

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For the past several years, my job has grown more and more uncomfortable, and until recently I couldn't give reason why. The past few years are one thing - the growing phobias, the feelings of inadequacies, the mounting pressures, my already low-self-esteem - but over the past few moths it seems to have escalated.

It's true that the mask or facade that I built to try to make life easier has crumbled. Now, even my alarm clock is inspiring anxiety attacks. My boss is phoning me at home for the most inane things - or so it seems to me - and this sets of more panic.

With the recent Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis, I'm still in the dark a bit. I was hoping some people on the forum might know or have had experience with this. What do you do when work becomes your worst enemy? When you can hardly go to work for the anxiety it creates, what are your next steps?

Thanks for listening folks.

-B

First, I find that most workplace problems are related to other people and the mind games they play in the workplace. If I can just focus on doing my job, it rarely causes me a problem. Are your co-workers doing stuff to make you uncomfortable lately?

Second, are you just "burning out" with your current occupation. I know when I grow tired of a place, the little things just eat at me until I feel like I'm going crazy.

It's hard to attribute what's likely causing your problem without understanding more of what goes on that has made you more unhappy in the workplace. Fears, phobias, stress doesn't just appear out of nowhere. If you've been doing the job for some time, you shouldn't feel inadequate...you should feel empowered because you know how to do your job.

The phobias (groups, etc.) have always been present. More so than anything has been a significant change in work environment; my supervisor has really been pushing buttons, in particular since I told him that I was seeing a therapist (I turned in an excuse for work absence), being pushed into a more public office pool, etc...

When it starts getting like this for me, it's usually the time to start looking for another job. I rarely stay in the same job for more than 18 months to 2 years. But it will depend for you on how easy it would be to find something else.

Something very like this happened to me. I was stressed to the point that I was contemplating suicide.

Finally, I had to quit. I tried working for myself (a disaster), and ended up in a crappy low paying job with no stress and going back to school.

It sucks to have no money, but I'm much, much happier now.

really.

Your supervisor should not be doing that. A complaint to human resources might be in order. Sadly, you will have to be able to articulate specific incidents to back your complaint.

I actually have considered school as an option. And the pace of this job has been so horrible as far as contributing to stress, so a new job is in my mind as well.

Unfortunately, human resources and my employer are one in the same. So that option isn't open to me.

On the many sleepless nights that I've had lately, quitting has seemed more and more promising. With no other job to step into, it's a last resort as well. While suicidal isn't exactly the feeling, the feeling of things being better if I didn't wake up is near the surface.

Thanks everyone for the comments and suggestions.

I think I know what you're going though. I've been in my current job about 8 months. I work in a tiny organization with just 2 regular co-workers. Our boss is out and about most of the time, only being in the office once a week, if that; the rest of the time she's firing off emails, micro-managing us - we all wish we could smash that bloody iphone!

As zer0netgain says, alot of this is caused by other people. I get on really well with my two co-workers, but one of them tends to get stressed out, and passes that stress on to me. She will point out my mistakes I've made, making sure I know that it's her who has to clear things up, and that if I don't buck my ideas up the boss will find out. I find I make more mistakes, and have even had a note written in my personnel record about them (my boss ringing me at home to tell me off!)

Now I have this constant background feeling of dread that everything I do is somehow wrong, and that it will come back and bite me on the bum. When the phone rings, I worry it's someone whose booking didn't go through or some other oversight on my part.

I'm now actively looking for another job. I feel like I am completely useless and wonder what I'm really cut out for. I'm really limited to office work, and all that seems to be available multi-tasking, fast-paced administrative jobs, reception or sales.

That's why you need a good team, an honest team. That's the best remedy to making mistakes, which is part of being human afterall. And your boss is way out of line for calling you at home, anything other than a real-time, forward-looking emergency.

And good for you for looking for another job!

And same for you XynephioNNoiR. If your boss is calling you more than once a month at home, really more than once every three months, then he or she really needs to be paying you an executive salary.

A little bit of gamesmanship, get there early and leave on time. If you get there ten minutes early and are working while other people are showing, they don't really know how long you've been there.

Consider ' . . FAMILY SITUATION I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF . . ' as a way of half quitting.

'No, I can't tell you. It's personal. It's a situation I have to take care of.'

Now, that's a lie. But, on the theory that the way these people have treated you, that it's okay to use a lie of deflection. Well, whatever the justification, the way I look at it, this is a good card to have to potentially play. If things get tight . .

' . . family situation I have to . . '

Don't give them the details. Hold tight on that. And you control the length of time, although I recommend at least three days, and you can go considerably longer. They might suspect it's a lie, and don't say a word. But they might also realize how much they miss you as an employee, and treat you a little nicer when you come back, for a while. Then things will slide back to the way they are now. But this can buy you time and breathing space.

This is advice similar to that which I devised for myself about seven years ago. It did two things, although I handled them self-destructively. I mention self-destructive because I used work as a means to deal with my anxiety/fear around other people. When more people were hired at the office, I noticed my production went down. So I came in earlier and left later just to get the normal amount of work finished.

When those additional positions were closed and the employees quit or were laid-off, I kept working those hours because it offered me a reason to avoid the crowds that my few friends were finding so eager to hang out in.

More things, that I honestly can't mention here, have happened at work and the job has become a place that inspires this anxiety and such. I literally have to force myself to go into work and when I get there, unless the work load is such that I can... Zen out, then the anxiety simply mounts.

I'm an architect/designer. A field of work that once relied heavily on artistic ability, math skills, the sharpness of your pen, and the straightness of your lines is now a field that requires keeping pace with ever advancing technology. To make a long story short, my employer hasn't advanced his technology. I've looked into changing jobs, but what I'm finding now is that I would have a very difficult transition - with the Asperger's diagnosis it would be nearly impossible. Not so much the learning, but the learning in a stress-filled environment.

So, I resort to my thoughts of quitting. Which I envision as cutting my losses and getting my life back on track. I am discussing these things with my therapist and no decision has been reached yet.

This reminds me of an injury I had six years ago. I wrecked my truck and hurt my back and neck. The doctor's orders were to rest and rehab. I couldn't do this due to work and other things. So what should've taken a month is still incomplete because my back still bothers me.

A person commented recently that the anxiety attacks may be my body's method of telling me that I'm reaching a breaking point of sorts. That frightens me.

I'm beginning to realize that I've been struggling in this job sense day one. Not my design skills - art has always been my one area of refuge. But the working with other people. Following through with things on construction sites. Picking my mistakes and taking instructions of corrections.

And, I've written quite a bit here. LoL. I have a bit of soul searching to do on these matters and also discussing them with my therapist. Hopefully a positive resolution will appear.

Again, thank you all. I appreciate all the great advice.

I have been having some similar complications at work. I was originally hired as a graphic artist and visual effects artist for a small film production company. I don't like doing the same thing every day so I tend to learn a little bit about a lot of different things. As a result, when there isn't graphics work to be done, I end up doing technical support or other jobs that I am not especially good at, but can do adequately enough.

The result is that my job has transformed from one that I was interested in and could do well, to something that I find boring and I am not good at. I am making more and more mistakes and feeling less creative. I feel as if my boss (who is a very generous and probably the best boss one could hope for) is starting to think I don't know what I'm doing.

Nobody conspired to put me in this position. It just happened because it was convenient for my boss and I took the path of least resistance. Now I'm thinking I want to change jobs to something that better utilizes my creative skills and puts less emphasis on my technical skills. But I have come to feel incompetent due to all the mistakes I have made lately.

My plan for the moment is to hold steady. Don't make any quick moves. This is a bad time to just quit. But I can push to do more graphics work. When opportunities arise, I can insist that we need a more "graphic" look to the project. Bosses often get overwhelmed with all the stuff they have to deal with. Some will welcome an employee who takes the lead and tells them what needs to be done.

One thing you might consider. Be honest and direct with your boss. It might be helpful to spend some time writing notes and organizing your thoughts on the subject. Write out what you feel would be the ideal solution to your troubles at work. You probably cannot get the ideal solution, but with some honest and non-confrontational discussion with your boss, you might be able to get enough of what you need.

Remember that if your boss could do what you do, he or she wouldn't need to hire you. You provide something valuable to your boss. That puts you in a position where you can negotiate a bit. Even if this is an annoyance to your boss, often negotiating with an existing employee is better than finding someone else.

Look at the situation from your boss' point of view. What are the stresses and demands that create problems for your boss? Is there a way you can both improve your situation as well as your boss'? If you are good at problem solving (and from your posts here, it sounds like you've already done a lot of the necessary thinking) then work at solving the problem of reducing stress for your boss. You may find that this will reduce stress for you.

I don't know that any of this applies to your situation. I am mostly thinking of my issues and suggesting ideas that I suspect would work for me. I hope some part of an idea here is useful to you.

This is almost exactly how I've been feeling.

My discussions with my boss have never went great in the past, but I have considered laying things out on the table just to see if possibly changing things up a bit might work.

Thanks for the reply. I appreciate it.

Not necessarily. When I worked at H&R Block, I never got up to my standards as far as working with the tax prep software, but I was head and shoulders above most other employees. I was able to help other employees, and the office manager. In fact, I was kind of a star. Not all the time, nothing works all the time, but I definitely was a person worth asking. (The problem with H&R Block is that you're expected to sell bank products without informing customers of substantial negatives.)

So, I never got the really firm understanding that I like to get. Well, chalk one up to the benefits of loosey-goosey understanding! How far can you go with this type of understanding? Well, look all around us. Pretty much the world we humans have built is based on loosey-goosey understanding. (and it helps to speak both languages, as I think we as people with Asperger's can. Even if the firm understanding is our preferred language, we can get pretty good at various second languages.)

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And something else I might recommend, esp during a difficult time in your life, is to add free positives. Maybe a hiking club, a political club, a class you've always vaguely wanted to take, something for fun and exploration, basically just something for s**ts and grins.