My inability to speak up in meetings is ruining my prospects

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Recently I went for a promotion at work and my boss told me that while I was competent, reliable and pleasant to work with, I needed to "strengthen my brand" and "increase my leadership potential" before I could progress further. Being a literal person, I am not very good at reading between the lines of corporate BS, so I asked him to explain what he meant...he gave me a real life example of how I'm very quiet in meetings and how I let other people dominate when I'm perfectly equipped to speak up myself.

I told him that while I felt confident in one on one situations, if there were even three people having a discussion I became "shy". The truth is that I simply struggle in any group discussion as I don't know when to speak and whether I'm saying something relevant and appropriate. It hasn't helped that when I am brave enough to speak up, one of my colleagues is always correcting me, making comments which suggest what I've said is irrelevant or just plain glowering at me from across the table.

Are any of you in the same position?

This has made me consider getting a diagnosis, but even if I do to what extent will my work take it into account? I don't want to play the positive discrimination card, but at the same time I don't think that being able to join in at meetings is a skill I'm going to sprout magically any time soon, yet my boss has put this down as one of my "scorecard objectives" for the next year!

I wouldn't try and play the 'autism card' immediately. In fact, I'd hesitate to play it at all.

Since you've only just become aware of what your weakness is (speaking up in meetings), why not make a serious attempt to change that? It is possible with practice, and it will be very hard to begin with, but it's a lot more of a long term solution than chalking up everything you find difficult to autism or some unfixable disability.

Even if your boss just sees you making an effort (no matter how clumsy initially), that will look 100% times more impressive than you turning up conveniently after your meeting with the adult equivalent of a note from your mum.

Would it not be far better to be promoted based on your merits (which would include public speaking if that is part of the job) than because your boss has to promote you to avoid a law suit? I can see the latter breeding quite a bit of resentment.

I'm not trying to be harsh here or make light of your anxiety; I have been in your situation and I know how nerve-wracking it can be intitially. Don't let that stop you though; with practice, eventually it can become second nature to speak your mind.

(p.s. drama lessons can help. Another thing that really does is practicing talking to yourself on web cam and recording yourself. Then compare yourself to other 'professional' people talking on the internet and see if you can train yourself to speak more like they do).

This is all good advice, thank you. You are right, and I don't want to end up in a situation where I only get promoted because my boss is scared of being sued. I actually can't be bothered with that...I know someone who is trying to claim that he got fired because he's in a certain minority when quite clearly he rubbed people up the wrong way. A diagnosis would be more of a mitigating factor, rather than a tool to get me promoted.

I suppose I've been defeatist and I've sort of stubbornly resigned myself to the fact that this ain't going to change, but as you suggest I can help myself to boost my confidence. Interesting you should suggest a drama course, as there is something in the pipeline at work along those lines. I just need to believe I can do it.

Your colleague does this because they are a passive bully. They likely have a low opinion of you and you are an easy target for them to dominate.

It is your quietness and unwillingness to speak up which facilitates this. Allow them to correct you when you are wrong but be strong in doing so. Don't become meek. Acknowledge by reaffirming their correction and then continue with what you were saying. Don't apologize, cower and go quite.
Support your claims and ideas when needed to show that your ideas are not irrelevant and stop focusing so much attention on what this colleague says. Focus more on your other colleagues.

If you present yourself as meek then you will be treated as such. If you present yourself as confident, or at least with a lot of self respect, you will be treated as such.

Your boss obviously likes you and wants to see you improve in this arena. Be glad. Some people have bullies for bosses.

Have you ever heard of Toastmasters? It is a non-profit network of speech clubs. I am sure it is worth a try

http://www.toastmasters.org/MainMenuCat ... sters.aspx

Here to find the nearest club in your city:
http://reports.toastmasters.org/findaclub/

I don't have a good formula for how to regularly speak up at meetings (such an NT thing to do...)

But after looking at what Chronos wrote I do have a suggestion about the disagreeable person. This very agressive girl was hired into our unit a few years ago and was constantly dismissive of everything that everyone said at our weekly meetings. She knew how to do it better, and could not understand why we would do it THAT way. Whatever.

It got on my nerves after awhile, and the next time she did it to me, I shot right back at her. FACTS as to why we did it that way, and how her suggestion was uninformed! In her own agressive style. It made a few people sit up, but she never got in my face again. I didn't shout, but I didn't whisper either.

The key is to answer back Immediately and shoot them right back down. Sometimes you only have to do it once.

Good Luck!