How to Interact with ADHD Co-Worker?

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Does anyone have tips on how to deal nicely and effectively with a ADHD peer at work? They jump all over the place chasing squirrels, while my cognitive style really wants to finish one thing then progress to the next.

When I try to bring it back to the original topic, I feel so boring and limited and rote and tedious. I can't hold too many open circuits in my head, I need to close 'em off before moving along. I imagine when two ADHD workers get together they jump around and cover everything kind of hopscotch. Or, maybe they don't really.

I suspect the solution is to not limit the interaction to just one of our styles, but to find a way to style that lets us do our own thing while still getting stuff done/covered. Asynch methods like chat are good that way, but I have no peace yet that all the stray ends will get covered until I get more experience with this person.

But what do you folks think? What has worked for you?

Anything is distracting. The only way to keep being focused with AD(H)D is to not be distracted by coworkers or any other elements in the environment. It seems like people without AD(H)D work best for some time, take a little break (which they needed) and are back to work. With AD(H)D, breaks are actually harmful, because breaks make the person completely lose focus for a while with disastrous results. It's my way of functioning anyway. Talking or hearing people talking is the worst And continuous intensive work is a necessity, because hyperfocus.
So, the best way to interact is doing it only once all the daily work is done. Before, "please don't distract me" (although i recognize that coworkers can be offended, I can't work differently, sadly - I tried and I just can't). I take very tiny breaks just to bring back a cup of coffee, because caffeine helps greatly. I also don't mind music at work, but only music, not radios where people talk all the time because talking is distracting.
I hope this helps

Thanks MissAlgeron... Great ideas. In this case the worker is remote and so am I, so many issues are solved by having our own office space and times. It's more the thing of how to carry on a coherent conversation...

Some days are better than others, and I realize I'm rigid in the other direction - someone more NT would flow with it much better.

Conversations are like work. A coworker with AD(H)D needs a lot of stimulation to be functional. I'd be grateful if my own coworkers did the same, gently reminded me of the main topic regularly and started ideas to make me help perfecting them. I'm a very bad coworker of I don't have a coworker who doesn't help me by leading the conversation and asking questions about problems I can solve. A moderate dose of stress is good for this. (But too much stress can do the exact contrary)

OH, so it helps if I keep it on topic? I was kind of thinking it was rude to interrupt the 14 different streams and force it back into one. That's something I can do. Thanks Miss!

Anybody have any other thoughts?

Ummmm....undiagnosed, but I do have that 14 different streams thing going on. Everyone is different, it depends on how your co-worker functions. I will eventually work my way back to the original topic. Often, the diversifying is a way to buy time and work on the things I am able to work on until I've processed something that's been puzzling me about the first thing. Your co-worker may be entirely different - but it's worth asking them directly about how they function best.

I find that a lot of more focused people don't understand why this is so difficult, and try to shame me into staying on topic. Needless to say, this is not a good experience for either of us because:

a) I'm miserable and have no prospect of escaping from my misery other than avoiding that person.
b) The shaming has no effect other than making me even more unfocused, because I have to spend precious energy on just dealing with that person. So the person gets even more frustrated. And little gets done.

A sense of humor and focusing on the co-worker's strengths can really go a long way.

Why don't you ask them how they function best? Something along the lines of "I noticed you and I have really different working styles. I work best by processing one thing at a time. What works best for you?" That way you show both respect and a constructive attitude.

Ok thanks, Underwater... So I won't just force it into one thing.

Honestly I can feel my own 14 different streams of diversion going on in my head, and have somewhat learned to channel it into one thing at a time. So, that's why I can be a little rigid about it, because I'm afraid of surrendering to the mental confusion there.

In a way maybe we're similar but dealing with it differently

I think you are going to have to ask them rather than just rely on people who may or may not feel the same. Do you know for certain that you colleague has adhd? Not for example really high iq with no outlet?

If they are having the same problem as I have, they might benefit from analytical questions. Sometimes I am pondering a problem, but because I can't put my finger on what the problem is, I can't formulate a question to ask the other person. Which is why I leave it to my subconscious while I deal with other things.

However it seems that Miss Algernon experiences this differently, so I think you need more info on your colleague.

As someone with an ADHD diagnosis, I would say that the first thing would be to ask the person about their strengths and what kinds of interactions work best with them. Many people with ADHD have Autism-like issues with social interactions, figurative/literal speech, and body language and communicate better in writing, while some have low literacy levels and need a lot of personal interaction to understand what is going on (I'm in the first category).

A lot of people with ADHD seem to do better asynchronously in a lot of ways. For example, if you are the person's supervisor, giving them a list of 10 tasks that must be done by the end of the week may bring out their strengths much better than if you gave them hourly or daily goals and then micromanaged them. Sometimes people with ADHD seem to "goof off" a lot but still get things done - for example software developers with ADHD who seem to be watching cat videos every few minutes but stay until 9 PM to get the job done.

Even if you are not the supervisor, keep in mind that ADHD can help immensely in "fight or flight" scenarios - these are the people who can often hyperfocus on something, pulling out all the stops and applying excellent analytical skills to solve a particular pending problem.

Many people with ADHD thrive on variety and exploration and do poorly with repeated or unimaginative tasks. A person with ADHD might not be the person you want unloading boxes from trucks all day, but could be just the person to stop a runaway truck from destroying your warehouse's walls. In fact, if you assign such a person to be a truck unloader, they are probably already imagining themselves becoming a runaway truck-stopping hero someday. So take advantage of that!