Does anyone else get anxiety asking people to be references?

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LookWhoItIs
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 11 Jul 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 158
Location: Deep South U.S.A.

01 Aug 2016, 8:46 pm

I can't even quite put my finger on why this happens, but I get very nervous and have borderline anxiety attacks when I think about asking someone to be a reference for me. This happens even if I am fairly certain the person will do it.

I have a job (beneath my educational qualifications), but I'm ready to start looking for a better one where there will be some advancement potential. This references issue, however, is a stumbling block (I can't just use my old ones because it has been several years since I last went job-searching).



startide_rising
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 18 Jul 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 22
Location: New England

01 Aug 2016, 11:04 pm

Yes, I hate having to ask for references, although like you I can't quite put my finger on why it makes me anxious.

When you ask if you can list someone as a reference, make sure to ask if it's okay to list them as such on an ongoing basis, rather than for a specific application. That way at least you won't feel like you have to keep asking them when you apply for different jobs or different types of things (jobs, volunteer positions, rental applications, etc.).

If it's any comfort, in my experience when I've applied for things my references are often never actually called or emailed, even in cases when I've been offered the position.

Good luck with the job search!



lidsmichelle
Veteran
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Joined: 27 May 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 686
Location: South-eastern Washington

04 Aug 2016, 8:35 am

Yes, it's very stressful. I plan on staying in this job for at least a year, and in dreading when I get close to leaving and need to start asking coworkers (especially my superior) for recommendations.

I'm terrified they'll say no, I think is the problem.


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