In trouble for inappropriate conversations at work

Post Reply New Topic

This is something that has plagued me for the 15 years that I have been in the work world. It is an aspect of my AS that has also cost me a handful of jobs. I often get accused of making inappropriate, insensitive and impulsive comments at my place of work. I can see it in a handful of situations (like making endearing comments about a coworker that has a "cute" first name), but it has also gotten me in trouble when I talk about partaking of events at my church, my community activism, and my special interests. For some reason, my co-workers like to run to my boss about my conversations, but I have to endure conversations about excessive drinking and partying, fights with significant others and family problems, crass and inappropriate jokes, etc. I have felt kind of singled out over the years. I may soon lose another job over this behavior, but I am not quite sure how to put an end to it. Has anyone ever run into this at work? Does anyone know how to counter and deal with this behavior?

Lay it out in the group, that when they have an objection about your conversation topics they come to you instead of going behind your back and talk to the management.

Autism might be go hand in hand with tactless remarks, but atleast your honest in your thoughts - even how harsh it might sound.

I don't know if you used similar tactics on them in times past or that there is something else happening there (office politics). But if co-workers there dislike you for any reason some will try almost anything to get you to go, even getting you fired.

Word of advice, Church and Politics are best left at home, unless your job is dealing with either one.

I agree with you about religion and politics, especially those matters that are controversial and cause arguement. I never talk about my faith or my religion with my co-workers, but rather events that are going on at my church such as movie nights, dinners, volunteering, etc. These type of activities are the some of how I occupy my time outside of work. I just talk to people about these things, never telling them that they have to join me.

Politics with me is more of slippery slope. I am very political active in my community and wear it on my sleeve so to speak. While I try to stay away from the Republican vs. Democrat or issue type arguments, my conversations center more around local politics. The city that I live in was impacted by a major flood 2 1/2 years ago (the 5th worst disaster in US history in terms of cost) , and I have been very active in roles of recovery and rebuilding our community. I attend a number of meetings, am on a couple of committees, and many of our local public officials on up to our Governor and Congressman are friends and acquaintances. The flood has been my special interest the last couple of years as well. I do realize that there are some deep seeded feelings, but I am also eager to do what I can to quell some of those feelings that people have, and help those in need. This is what has defined who I am for the last couple of years. It has taken up an incredible amount of time, and I have a lot invested in the flood, so that I why I talk about it all of the time.

Most of my problems don't happen in the office, but much rather in the lunch/breakroom. Maybe I need to engage in more mundane conversations such as weather and sports. I sometimes also think that there are bigger problems than just the conversations. It could be the fact that I don't fit in well with the company culture, am a little odd, and even though I do a thorough job, am not the most effecient employee. I do know that companies like to run off those that aren't fast and don't fit in. I have seen it happen so many times to other people.

So, you have discovered NT's are hypocrites who can't take what they dish.

Anyway, as the other posters said, church politics, and I'll add one, sex, are better not spoken about at work.

Easy answer. Stop talking about these things at your place of business. If it is causing you trouble then it isn't worth it. Doesn't really matter why people are taking offense when the solution is so simple. Instead of analyzing their motivations just stop the offending behavior.

Once you've been asked by a superior to not discuss something at work, you don't, no matter how unfair it seems.

If they haven't given you specific instructions, but something vague instead, you can ask for clarification saying, "I am under the impression some of my conversation makes other employees uncomfortable, and I prefer not to have that effect, but since they don't tell me directly when we're having a conversation, I need some better guidelines."

You can also ask one sentence into a conversation, "are you comfortable having me talk more about this? It is something of great interest to me, but I don't want to bore you!" You can also say, "I'm not good at reading subtle signals, so if you prefer I drop a topic I've started, I would appreciate it if you would just tell me." Basically, start throwing the ball into their court for telling you when your conversation makes them uncomfortable.

I know from watching my son's interactions that you aren't likely to ever see interesting, fair, reasonable, etc., in the same way your coworkers do, and you may be stuck playing by their rules since "getting along" is usually valued. But you can engage them in helping you with the process of getting along, instead of allowing them to undermine you behind your back. That is a choice to make, although you may not want to make it. It does mean having to do a bit of acting while in the work place, and subverting your own desires and interests to those of others.

This

Fact of the matter is, if it keeps happening, you're doing something wrong that other people aren't, and someone's uncomfortable as a result.

I first of all want to thank everyone for the replies!

I have taken a step back and realized that it is not just the topic of conversations that I have on break and lunch, but much rather how much I talk about these subjects and the dynamics of the socialization at work.

Things have been really busy and stressful at my place of employment due to the Xmas season. I have noticed that people's tolerance levels have gone down. Things that people just let roll for some reason have become a big deal. I still don't like the fact that people have to run to the boss for every little situation that makes them uncomfortable, I do agree, they should learn how to speak up for themselves. I also hate how this impacts my job, and the fact that the company documents this behavior. The company needs to also learn to let some of it slide.

One thing that I tried to cut back and hopefully cease is going out to the smoke break areas during my break. I don't smoke, but it is the only place that there is any conversation during break and I like to visit with people about my day, etc. Sometimes I pick up on it more than others, but the people at the smoke area can be real cliquish and gossipy. There have been times that I have been allowed into conversations, but many times there may be subtle clues that I am not welcome, but I still try to butt into conversations anyways. I feel so lonely at work a lot of times and just want to be accepted by someone and/or make a couple of friends at work.

Lastly, I have noticed that once a co-worker (or even a friend outside of work) has taken a little interest in my special interests, I have a tendency to overwhelm people with my conversation (This strangely was pointed out to me recently in a nice way by my best friend from childhood). People only want a little small talk or a synposis of what is going on, not a lecture on lets say, something about our community's flood of a couple of years ago. Since quite a few of my co-workers were impacted, people still have a tendency to respond emotionally to this event, and not step back with any reason to understand why things the way that they are.

I sometimes don't realize that act the way I do is offensive, until someone points it out to me in this manner. I wish that people would point it out to me with few or no consequence (like my friend did). I just hate how this behavior has impact on major things in your life like your job or your friendships.

This alone is more than enough to cause serious problems.