I think my older, hated coworker is unaware that he has AS

Post Reply New Topic

I work with a guy in his 50's. We have basically the same job, some aspects of it i am better at, some aspects he is better at. He's older and has more experience but is harder to work with. I think he resents that i am seen in a better light than he is. He probably resents that my title gives me seniority above him, even though he is ostensibly my supervisor. I probably make more money than he does.

Working with him is, frankly, the only major stress i have about my job. The rest of it is the usual sort of challenge anyone with anxious procrastination issues has.

He has aspie pedandry in spades, which isn't necessarily bad - it's an asset in this job - but his other features include paranoia and an inability to read nonverbal cues. And a tendency toward aggression.

His default position in any argument is that he's been misunderstood and personally slighted, and he has a tendency to aggressively pursue minutiae long past the point where he was fully understood. To the point where our documentation guy has specifically requested that this guy does not review documentation - not because the input is worthless, but because the input arrives with a series of pointless, irritating, and time consuming discussions.

In meetings he often gets stuck on definitions and nomenclature and becomes unable to progress with the rest of the group.

I don't think that he is aware that his "foibles" match a specific set of diagnostic criteria.

I am unsure whether anyone would benefit from his being informed of his probable diagnosis at this point.

This has been weighing on my mind today because i learned that from the beginning of next week through the end of september, it turns out that he will be reporting to me. Which will be awkward in part because he is ostensibly my team leader (but not my boss).

I credit any success in my career to the hard-fought acquisition of skills that are unnatural for aspies, but he is 17 years older than i am, and sort of a jerk.

If i were his boss - and i wouldn't really be his boss under the scenario our boss proposed in private to me today - i would value his contribution, but i would still find his personality tiresome.

Paranoia and agression would cause me to hesitate to comment on his personality, or suggest a diagnosis. I would try to think of a way to suggest it without appearing to do so, but nothing comes to mind right now. Sometimes, I've managed to fly under the radar and get people information they can use without setting off their alarms, but I have to just keep my goal in mind and wait for the opportunity to present itself.

Self-knowledge is a special interest of mine.

He confided in me once that his wife has, for 20+ years, tried to teach him that perception is functionally equal to reality.

This leads me to believe that perhaps he is unable to predict how others might perceive his actions.

I feel bad for him, for struggling with his career as much as he does and for the fact that after all that struggle he's technically junior to someone much younger than he is (I have a "Sr." before my title, he doesn't) - but i also think that he is an annoying jackwagon and i wish i didn't work with him.

It's the paranoia, and scheming, that give me pause. He used to try to play the part of the understanding coworker under the irrational and despotic boss with me, but i never was able to play along with that because i think our boss is a pretty reasonable guy. Not the most talented management I've worked under by a long shot, but very far from the worst. I think he eventually clued into my failure to commiserate and gave up on that tactic.

If i were to point out to him that there is a method of understanding the way his brain works and by extension methods of correcting his behavior, i fear that all he would hear is "you are sick and/or disabled and i don't like you".

If you find it interesting and amusing to try to subtly plant the seeds of the idea in his head, go for it. I'd avoid "trying to help," though, manipulators always seem to pick up on that.