Should you disclose if asked point-blank??

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I'm wondering if it's wise to disclose your condition if someone (like a boss or manager) asks you point-blank - not necessarily "do you have Asperger Syndrome" but more queries like "how is it that you are very good at detailed tasks, but you somehow miss the big picture and don't always do what's expected of you?" OR "how is that you're very good at analyzing things on your own, but you need to ask people questions about more obvious things??"

Granted, I wouldn't expect someone to ask if you have Aspergers (or even ADHD, or OCD) point-blank; technically it's illegal and definitely inappropriate to ask this. But speaking of inappropriate, I could see a boss or manager asking you "do you have some sort of problem??" particularly if they're a "Type A" personality or somebody who has lower tolerance for AS quirks. BTW, I really hate the "some sort of problem" label or query - it's the ultimate layperson label - nay, make that lame-person label.

I've read Barbara Bissonnette's book on Asperger survival in the workplace, as I'm sure many of you have, and she gives guidelines for disclosure - like only disclose if you feel your job is in jeopardy (which I know is difficult to tell for many of us, due to not picking up unspoken cues) - especially if you get a direct warning to improve. She said DO NOT disclose in a moment of panic, like let's say where you're being criticized or called out on an error you made - but where someone asks you one of those "contradicting queries" like "how is it that A, yet B??" THEN I think you'd pretty much have to, otherwise, they might be even more pissed if you played dumb then told them later. And most definitely, if they suspect or accuse you that your paradoxical behaviour is the result of an attitude problem (if they suspect you're being perverse or passive-aggressive), then by all means disclose, or you could find yourself not only w/o a job but possibly ineligible to collect benefits.

Does anyone have any experience with or insights into such a dilemma?

Hey there.

I would answer 'Like everyone else, there's some areas I am stronger in than others'.

I think less said is better, and the tone should be calm, yet friendly.

Of course, one might have to listen to some things coming back that are untrue - but let's face it, a lot of our working lives we have to deal with perceptions about ourself, rather than realities. In fact, make that the whole of our lives.

No point in getting wound up about it.

I agree. The only people you should be disclosing to are family and close friends.

What is your personality type? Different personality types have different ways of learning and working. Maybe you can just tell your boss what your personality type is and what that means when it comes to working and learning for you. That's much easier to grasp onto for someone then just saying "I am better at some things than other things". I feel like if you said the latter then they'll try to figure out how to make you better in the things you're not great at and that won't work for aspies.

If you know your personality type just type into google your personality type and then type learning style after it.

Myers-Briggs seems to have some currency in the business world. And I think some Aspies are INTJ, INTP, INFP. And an occasional Aspie might even be E for extroversion, but I'm not.

I think you're hitting on the key point, the times a person might be genuinely curious and genuinely open vs. hostile and critical.

Now, it still is your choice of course.

But if you choose to disclose, I might recommend the method like a poker player where you make a medium bet and see how it goes. Maybe one or two sentences, see how it goes, then perhaps a little bit more. For example, with me, I might say, 'Oh, I'm very much an artist type personality. Now, you know, they now think that Autism is a Spectrum that blurs all the way to normal (or, they now think a number of famous people have had Asperger's Syndrome). Of course we're all different in one way or another (or, of course a person shouldn't have to be famous to be considered a valued member of a team).'

But even that might be saying too much, and you see how easy it is to slide into just talking too much, even with a light touch.

Last edited by AardvarkGoodSwimmer on 17 Oct 2013, 11:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've heard it argued that Aspies tend to be xNTx (given everything, more INTx) - which is quite ironic, given the more common meaning of NT.

It is said that Idealists and Rationalists are 8-10% of the population, depending on the study. From my own experience, I would tend to think that the bulk of Aspergers would be in these two categories, and more in the Rational side of things. However, yes, it's just another generalisation.

To the above - I'd be hesitant about giving away anything that could be used against you. It's like giving power away. I know that if my employers knew, the game would be up, and I would not be able to say or prove a thing. Why risk that.

^ I agree about being cautious and would further offer that the employers will always work to their benefit, not yours.

On the other hand, I am finding myself casually slipping it in conversations as if it's a known thing simply because it's making my life incredibly difficult when people, quite understandably, make an erroneous assumptions that I am playing truant or being difficult when in reality I'm just having a sensory overload.

I'm still taking a risk, but if I don't say anything formally and take care to be as agreeable as I possibly can whenever I can (this is harder for me than you can possibly imagine), then there is nothing they can do, however I am just hoping that everyone is going to continue being understanding rather than go out of their way to make my life difficult. Sadly, I know that most people won't be as lucky in terms of how friendly and supportive their workplace is, so I would definitely err on the side of caution for that one. I was advised by my GP not to seek formal diagnosis for this very reason as well.

I have heard too many horror stories where good workers who have held down a job for ten years disclose their autism and they end up getting fired and the boss recommends that the worker go on disability benefits.

This should come at no surprise because if an autistic admits that he is mentally ill and disabled he will be treated as if he has a contagious disease.

I find it ironic that these same psychiatrists who labeled me as a disease would have gladly given their daughter to me in marriage that is before I was formerly diagnosed.

So are you saying that they got shown the door as a result of their disclosure?

Or are you implying that the management found a sneaky way to shut them out? (e.g. sabotage, exaggerations of errors, etc.)

If it's the former, and if the person (verbally) disclosing followed it up with an email (bcc: to personal address ) saying "thank you for taking the time to discuss Aspergers with me" then I would think that would be grounds for a lawsuit, or a case with a human rights commission. The fact that those good workers in your example had been there for 10 years suggests to me that there was never a serious performance problem, and that would only strengthen their case for legal action.

I have heard people say the most disturbing things about autism /AS while I was in the room. People don't know crap about it. I worry that if I disclose, people will 1. watch me very closely and not trust me 2. re-interpret everything they have noticed about me before --"I KNEW there was something wrong with that guy 3. treat me as if I were intellectually impaired (ie. retarded--low IQ)

It kind of reminds me of a guy I worked with many years ago who told everyone he was a recovering alcoholic--yeah, everyone was very understanding . . . and wondered what he was up to whenever he called in sick. Works a lot better on TV, I think.

The case for legal action is severely weakened because the high functioning autistic victim is asked to apply for disability which proves to the nuerotypical that all people with high functioning autism are so severely disabled that they cannot perform their job and function in society.

The only way to win is for the high functioning autistic to renounce disability income and to renounce the advice of lawyers that claim to represent the interests of autistics.

So, you're talking about if my own lawyer were to recommend that I apply for disability? I think that would generally be lousy advice on his or her part.

For starters, I understand that it can be really hard to get SSI and can take many months running into years, especially if the person has a fair amount of employment history.

I struggle with jobs, a lot. I want to be myself, not pretend to be someone else. I tell myself it's about engagement, not conformity, to engage in measured disclosure, be middle of the road, try and appreciate others, realize that a lot of people including bosses just don't take jobs that seriously, etc. It's still really a struggle.

I think there should be both unemployment compensation and disability as part of a decent social safety net.

I think the only trouble with some of the earlier posters' advice to say "Well, some people have strengths in some areas, and others have them in other areas" (to when a boss/manager presses you for why you struggle with something simple, when you can digest complex concepts and analysis) is that WHAT IF THEY INSIST ON KNOWING. They could simply come back with "well, OK, but in your case, the gap/discrepancy seems really wide, I've never seen that in anybody, how is that - tell me?!?" - tempting to ask them to mind their own business, but at that point you might have to disclose.

What I find horribly ironic is that the very same people who will insist and pressure you for a proper answer will be the first to accuse you of "making excuses" when you tell them. It's like, "give me an answer that makes sense, but not the one that I don't want to hear" (pardon the double negative.)

Come to think of it, that statement pretty much sums up a good deal of the workplace mentality

Both would be types of bullying behavior, both insisting on more of an answer and then not accepting the answer when he or she gets it.

Such a boss would just be a general jerk, in multiple areas.

Well, yeah. You hit the nail on the head. If they pressure you to give an answer, then by implication such a person knows virtually nothing about Aspergers, and would act towards you as such. Like you were just a "problem employee". When the reality is you're looking for a win-win. Likely their response might be "well, I NEED you to intuitively read the big picture to be successful at this job" - which is just a subjective bias, after all, it's not like I'm in the role of a police officer where it's, objectively speaking, essential. There are ways around this, sure, if I have to spend a little more time on analysis of relevant parts-to-whole and ask clarifying questions, it's more than offset by the sharp and quick analysis I do at the more detailed level (which he has complimented me on a few times). And that, to me, is "seeing the bigger picture."