Unworthy of income or life it seems

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The title isn't meant to draw pity or sympathy. I'm just numb at this point honestly. Years and years and years of living... I just really am lost. See, I'm OK with myself - as much as I have problems. I have interests. I have struggles. I want to be a part of people but I'm completely lost on the common art of saying the things people do. I can't even mimic it really... barely. Not just because I don't care, it just doesn't click. I just want to have some friends that leave the mind games behind. To have some people who live without pushing you into their scheme.

To be able to support myself without the constant threat of being fired by petty office politics and unhappy people(?) If they're happy, I guess I am truly messed up. I try not to put others down. I try to say stuff, little things... but without fail, with every job... I am on the outside of the people. It's tough to form a friend. It appears I make people nervous for being quiet. It appears I make people nervous because of my energy (not actions). It appears I make people nervous when I tie my shoe, Jesus Christ. So when a few people decide to start rumors and build a case for my removal, it's like clockwork. Do I deserve the street for being myself? For not understanding why I'm so strange to people? I don't know what to do. Really.

People seem to band up and plot to destroy my livelihood (and subsequently, my life) when I............

Try too little. Too much. Dress up... dress down, dress average. Try to be mediocre. Act like I care. Act like I couldn't care less. Have a neutral act. Don't give compliments... give too many compliments. Give the odd accomplishment. If I talk a lot. If I don't talk at all then forget about it, I'm done. If I talk just occasionally. If I act cocky. If I act insecure. If I don't act either of those but still act humble. I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't. If I have a new pair of shoes I'm an arrogant prick. If I wear old shoes I'm a broke joke slob with self-esteem issues. If I work hard it's because I have a chip on my shoulder. If I don't work hard enough I'm dipping the chips in salsa. Should I keep I going?

Why will people just not let me be myself. Do I not belong here the same as everyone else?

You see what they do is... they talk about you just loud enough so you can hear it. They make references to it between themselves in earshot so you know you're not in.

This isn't paranoia. I'm just different. I'm suppose to apologize and create myself around what works for other people, rather than myself. I tried that for a very long-time. It's led me nowhere. Backwards. I didn't get the game. It seems like I'm just in a different game altogether. Especially when I'm not allowed to just earn a damn paycheck.

Thoughts?

And thank you

Have you tried going to the people that treat you unfairly and straight up, ask them why?

Why work in an office? There are many jobs that have far more liberating work environments.

I've learned that most people, sorry to say, aren't honest. If they're that way to begin with, they'll temporarily side with you and then the chastising intensifies.


Well I wish it were that easy. I don't fit in with the squares, or the cool ones. The norms either. Still, the bills come.

I've tried talking to counselors, psychiatrists, family, friends... all but the first two used them against me and think it's damn funny when I try. And when the trying doesn't work especially.

I'd love to be free of it all.

...nice avatar Chronos

what is "them"?

Lol it's universal, "Everybody Lies". I'm talking about going directly to the source, when I hear rumors about me then I go directly to whoever said those things and ask them "W.T.f**k".
Each time you call them out on a rumor, that rumor stops dead, eventually the idiots who start the rumors learn that nothing gets past you and the rumors stop all together.
I do it to everyone, not only my family but anyone I hear at school or the store, if I hear them make a criticism about me or judgment, I walk right up to their face (I don't threaten anyone, I confront them with an What-complex-made-you-say-that? kind of an attitude) I ask them to explain themselves, the shock of me actually calling them out, doesn't always make them tell the truth but after, they don't do it again.

Try my remedy out if you wish, it sounds like you got nothing to loose. Good luck bro

Right everybody lies, so... this is a universal truth. In my experience, bringing the truth up makes it worse, not better. Things get more distant, nothing stops.

"They" might mean you.

By the way, am I on rightplanet.com?

"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."
- Martha Washington

It's entirely probable that you'll completely ignore what I'm going to tell you. It's also entirely probable that you came here to whine and moan, and are just looking for sympathy. If that's the case, sorry.

I've been in jobs I hated, jobs I loved, and jobs somewhere in between. The key to making yourself happy is to *make yourself happy*

I've seen first hand that success comes only when you love the work you do, and love the place you do it. If you love the work you do, but don't love the place you do it, focus on the work and more than likely people will come to respect you for your contribution. Focus on the negative, and your performance suffers (I promise you it does) and people will come to resent you for your lack of contribution.

If you love neither the work you do or the place you do it, you're doomed to failure - there's no coming back from that. Go find somewhere else to work before it drags your whole life down the toilet.

Being an optimist is hard work, but it pays off in the end.

It's entirely probable, but still misses just about every point.

The post title is sarcasm, but that's alright. Maybe I'm no aspie afterall, lol.

So, someone offers you practical career advice and you turn it down. I offer you life and outlook advice and you turn it down.

Sounds to me like you don't want any advice, so I'll leave you alone.

I'm sorry the complexity of human pranks are beyond me.

Pyramid, I wholeheartly agree with everyting you said in your original post. I've had similar thoughts and experiences myself, and I've been fired more than once- it hurts. Ignore what sliqua-jcooter said, he/she is just ignorant.

I recently read a book called 'A field Guide to Earthlings' written by an Aspie named Ian Ford. It was an excellent book, and it gave me insight on how NT's think and act, it worth the minor cost to buy it.

On times when I've been fired I try to leave on good terms, a firm handshake and a goodbye. I give myself a set period to grieve and feel sorry for myself; anywhere from 3 days to a week depending on how important the job was for me. Then I get back on my feet with motivational music such as this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWlCD68oeu0

And this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6ohgWQxYoI

Then nothing will stop me. (until the next time I get fired- which as an Aspie is almost inevitable). Then rinse and repeat the next time it happens.