Career change: burned out and at rock bottom, please help

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Concretebadger
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21 Nov 2011, 5:38 pm

Sheesh, this is going to take ages. I'll condense it as best I can and if you want me to elaborate on any of the points, I'll add them as replies.

I graduated from uni in 2004 with a science BSc. Until that point I was stuck in part time customer service jobs. Stayed that way until 2006, when the last two job apps were for a local supermarket and the local hospital. The supermarket didn't reply and took the hospital job as a last resort.

I've now been in that same job, doing the same work and living in the same rural backwater town for over five years now. I'm not well off financially but it's just enough to be comfortable.

TBH a high school leaver could do what I do and I use virtually none of my skills or academic background. I still find certain aspects of the job difficult and have mini-meltdowns on a regular basis, resulting in being almost incapable of normal social interaction for days at a time. I'm feeling confined, stressed, under-appreciated, exploited and all the other stuff you get when you're in a dead-end job you hate. I just accepted the fact that we can't always find jobs we enjoy, so basically resigned myself to feeling miserable...I didn't have a 'life' but I was at least functioning...stuck in a routine like a robot, and putting things like relationships, life goals and my own wellbeing at the back of my mind. Now I'm not 'functioning' too well either.

I've spent the past 18 months getting advice on CV writing, sending off applications week in week out and (politely) pestering agencies to take me on. I've had numerous bits of conflicting advice, I've lost count of the applications I've sent (they've broken into three figures by now) and in that time I've had one interview for a job I would've loved to have been given, if only they'd hired me.

I'm well aware of how the UK job market has gone down the toilet, how I should be "lucky I'm in a job" and all the other familiar stuff. I've now hit a crisis point where I'll be mentally incapable of work unless I find a way out of the situation I'm in.

When your job is making you genuinely depressed - and yes, I know the difference between clinical depression and merely feeling fed up. I was on meds for almost a year - being told "you're lucky to have a job" doesn't cut it any more. If your job is making you nigh-on suicidal, where the hell do you go? My first thought was my GP, but I'm concerned he or she would just put me on the meds again and tell me to wait it out.

I've found from past experience that meds are best avoided, and counselling hasn't work for me at all in the past. I've never had the ambition to climb the corporate ladder and outdo anyone; all I want is to be able to use my skills and qualifications. What I'm trying to say is, I'm not asking for much and don't have any sense of entitlement. The world owes me nothing, but right now I feel like society has turned its back on me completely.

I'd resign from my current job if I wasn't so concerned about being able to support myself and avoid being a burden on my family (I don't have children or dependents of my own, but it would be unfair to expect my parents to continue to support me). If I lose this job I don't know when I'd be able to find work again. I'd honestly consider ANYTHING the rest of you could suggest because I feel as though I've exhausted all my options. Right now it's a choice between being unemployed indefinitely or running myself into a nervous breakdown or worse. My family have had enough problems in recent years without one of their number taking his own life over some crummy job. I might not deserve better than this, but they do.



johnners
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21 Nov 2011, 10:25 pm

Read your post with interest. Can't say I have any advice, though - stuck in the same position as you, more or less.

I lived in the UK until 2007. There I had a good job with a university, doing admin type stuff, which kept the wolf from the door.

In 2002 I met a very nice American lady, we took it slow, and I eventually moved out here in 2008 and we got married. That side of things is going really nicely.

It took me almost 18 months to find a job here in California (I had to pick one of the worst states for job hunting!). I ended up taking a job as an admin assistant at a small nonprofit involved with childcare. I didn't care about the field, just the admittedly small amount I was being paid.

There were three of us in the office, and the boss would come into the office about once a week, the rest of the time she was on Skype or emailing. One of the girls was like me, college grad, and was a joy to work with; the other was a young woman with a huge chip on her shoulder, and if anything started going wrong or she was getting pressure from the boss, everyone suffered. If I said that one of them eventually gave up and resigned in disgust at the awful pressure and atmosphere in the office, I wonder if you can guess which one I was left working with?

I admit I have made small mistakes, usually because I was afraid of any attitude from my colleague. A few weeks ago it came to a head. We were at a hotel for our association's annual conference. I, my colleague and a few others were at the registration table. I had forgotten to put a name on the list (a last minute addition) and rather than just pointing it ut nicely, Ms Stroppy had a go at me. I said under my breath "I resign" in utter frustration. Apparently a board member heard me and complained to the boss, who reduced my hours from full time to 22 a week, which also meant I no longer receive health benefits, I have to pay for those myself now.

Today was utter hell. I had been asked to edit some documents in August, which I did, and didn't hear anything more about it. At 4pm today, an hour before a deadline, they needed the document. I told the girl the truth, but she went ballistic.

I've been working there for just over 2 years, and for the past year I've been on antidepressants, which helped to start with, but obviously doesn't make it any easier at work.

Now I'm totally convinced that I'm finished there, I've had one chance too many. If it were in the UK, and I didn't have to worry about medical coverage or claiming unemployment, I wouldn't really worry, but here they throw you to the wolves when you get fired: no unemployment, no health coverage, and the fact you've been fired doesn't exactly do you any favours with potential employers. We have alot to lose, have a house and car, and I really dont' know how long it will take me to find another job. I'm having to consider casual retail work for now, just so I can contribute.