Fear to apply

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My husband is an aspie and has huge difficulties in getting a job. His fears and low self esteem are badly in a way to even apply for positions. NT question to aspies, how should me as a wife try to help and support him?

Fill out the applications for him and get him a resume look-over by someone who knows what to look for in his industry.

Try to inform him that rejection from a job is normal, that he is not alone, and even NTs are turned down for jobs. Other than that, the only way to overcome this fear is not to apply.

Agreed. Being rejected is def the norm for the job search even in better economic times.

The one guaranteed way to not get a job is to not apply.

  _______________________________      _______________________________________________

    Tell him to stop trying to get a job. Tell him to do something he's good at, something he likes. Not something that flips him out.
    That seems like a good way to be supportive to me. Tell him it's ok to stop doing whatever is making him upset.



What do you think most peoples answers would be?
 (um, then, don't go under the house?)

If these answers are significantly different than the JOB answers, then one of these questions is in The Box.
 (Get outta the box. That's where mimes live and they're grumpier than they look. Probably for a reason.)

If YOU want a husband that's rich, go get one that is good at that.
If you want to keep the husband you've got because he IS good at things you like, then. . .
ask the next question:
 WHY?

Why does he want a job? Don't poo-poo this! If you don't know why you want a goal, you're bound to f**k it up. (or I am at least)

-If your husband wants an income, well that's a bigger list of options than just an 8 to 5 job now isn't it?
-If he just wants to be away from you for 8-9 hours a day, well there's lots of options for that.
-If he's just bored - different list.
-If he just wants to be some place air conditioned, he could go to the mall or library, to make the list.
-Prestige? another list of means and methods there too.

 Goals require sacrifice.
What are you willing to sacrifice, if you don't even know why you want a "goal" how do you know it's even the right goal?
Are you willing to sacrifice his sanity, and/or self-esteem for a few more bucks for a short time?

Figure out what goal you really want, then come back.
We can help you with specific advice. But you probably won't even need it. =)

Well, I do work so he has already that time away from me. The question is about income, prestige and all other stuff that would come along with a job, like some sort of social life, rutines etc. He messed up his previous arrengement in working life and has been at home now over a year.

You could ask him what he fears mostly with the application process. If it's the interview, you could set up pretend interviews at home with him and practise until he feels comfortable enough to try a real interview.
He could also apply to some jobs out of town, places that he would never consider working, to take the pressure off the interviewing process since he don't really want the job. He could screw up as badly as he feel like without it having any consequences.

Those were merely examples of different "goals", from a purely logical aspect (w/slight attempted humor).
I'm sorry, I know I'm not good at communicating; when I think I'm being very, very basic, and simple, ppl seem to get quite confused. Maybe I make it too simple and they're trying to read between the lines. There IS nothing between the lines.
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Yes, "income, prestige and all other stuff that would come" but you still haven't said if you/he even wanted those things.
 Why does he want a job? For what reason? What does he assume/hope to get, from a job?

Can you hear me say that if one route to a goal is very difficult, then try looking at other routes to that goal?
and,
Secondly, if you don't know your goal, how can you look for routes?

I suspect he's not looking for just physical labor (a job). I suspect he'd like to get paid as well. Otherwise he could just volunteer somewhere, or work in the yard.
Now before you say 'duuuuh!' recall that you didn't SAY that. (I'm an aspie, I'm literal, and this is where you asked =) So if he wants some money for his work then there must be a minimum amount: 15 cents? 2 dollars? Would minimum wage be fully satisfying? More?
This means its not a pure and simple job he wants, but an income. Can you see the difference? There's no other messages here; the only message is: a job and an income are not always the same and can have different routes to success.
"So what?" you say.
"So choose," I say.
"Don't be dumb," you say.
"Too late," I say, "And don't change the subject."

  Clearly identify your goal.___________
1) List everything desired of "a job" no matter how small or how 'stupid';
   It doesn't have to be logical or reasonable -wants and emotions are very valid and too powerful and real to ignore, don't fight them, use them for motivation.
2) Prioritize the top few.
3) That's what you really want.

You may then find a path to that goal that aligns with his strengths. Then he'll be comfortable, and excited to attack it.
If that happens he may very well achieve that goal in a stunning and amazingly successful way.

  Play to his strengths, 'cuz it's dumb to play to one's weaknesses.

_______________________
Or is all this just too hard, and it's easier to just think: Getta Job!




I'd bet he's good at writing, (lotsa aspies are) bunches of money and fame for excellent writers. Probably nothing at all for the just, very good authors. =(
Also, writing maybe doesn't quite look like a real job. =/

This.

Help him search for jobs.

Submit some of the applications yourself (just don't apply to the same ones as he, then you've applied twice to the same job).
Or, find jobs he's qualified for and give him a list of links to apply at.

Have a qualified person edit his resume.

Ask him which part makes him nervous and practice the interview or whatever it is. Tell him it'll take time and you know the right job will come along... blah blah.