getting "why didn't you tell us before?" upon disc

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Some time ago, I entered a separate thread on to disclose or not to disclose one's Aspergers, which spawned some interesting discussion (I've had my own disclosure experience too).

Taking it a step further, what would you do (what have you done) if they ask the anticipated question "well, why didn't you tell us before???" I can't say I got this when I told my boss at my old job last year - the reply was "is there a cure for it"? (how naive). But I remember as a youth in the 90s, when my diagnosis was still considered ADHD, I disclosed this at a couple of part-time jobs after getting reprimanded one too many times, and the boss said "well, you should have told me before" - as if it's going to make any difference, he can't "fix" what I have and he doesn't have a medical degree (oh, and it was the 90s).

If I ever found myself confronted with that why-didn't-you-tell-us question upon a disclosure, the tempting response would be "umm, so that I could continue to eat" but no, the wiser response would be either "well, you have to admit, it's not an easy thing for someone to talk about, it's like telling people that you have AIDS" or "well, to be honest, I didn't see an immediate need to disclose it, until more recent developments prompted me to do so".

The truth is, you need to look out for number one - I say to all of you, don't feel selfish or guilty for withholding your dx at the outset if you don't yet find yourself really running afoul of office politics and what not - save it for when you need to use it. It's a safety strategy. Just like companies will look out for number one, and so the company culture will not be so rewarding of any upfront honesty - they may give a failing grade on your interview or probation w/o revealing the real reason. Of course, you shouldn't say that this was your fear, if they ask "why didn't you tell me sooner" because it reflects badly on the moral character of the person saying it (which they are probably trying to test/trick you into saying).

It is an odd question, you have to admit - maybe it's just part of that NT custom of "clearing the air", or maybe it's just a frustrated retort to a situation they'd rather not deal with - who knows?

Yesterday I came out as a aspie to one of my classmates.

It was difficult at first to talk about but once I felt comfortable I started to explain Aspergers as well as I could and my personal experiences of it. They had long suspected I had it "if you were to come out and say that you had this, everyone would shrug and tell you that they expected it all along". I didn't want her to view me as a 'freak'. I told her straight up "Aspergers has such a negative stereotype, since I've told you now you see me as different right?" she said "you are (my name), I see you as (my name)" I still feel uneasy about telling her that I have it, like that feeling you have after an interview.

She said another thing, "why did you tell me now?" I just replied with "I felt it was the right time to tell, I didn't want to scare you guys"