Not coping with being a student Radiographer.

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Hi,

I am at University studying to be a Diagnostic Radiographer (known as a Radiology Technician in the USA). The technical aspects of the course are going well; I can take good x-ray images and I am performing well in terms of the academic side of it.

However, I have to spend 9am-5pm, 5 days a week, in a hospital environment during my placement blocks. These last anywhere from 4 weeks to 10 weeks at a time. There is very little opportunity to be alone at all; I don't get access to an office and there are always other people in the imaging rooms. I have to be constantly supervised by a qualified Radiographer and, as I'm in my second year, they know me quite well, so they talk to me all day. On top of that, I have to speak to all the patients and get marked down if I don't make small-talk or "build a rapport", so I spend eight hours a day - including my lunch hour, where I have to eat in the staff room in front of people, which I hate - surrounded by people I have to make consistent eye contact with and chat to.

As I'm female, it is harder for me to avoid conversation as I'll be labelled "aloof" rather than simply put down as a bit eccentric (not that no one thinks that of me already).

I also have self-harm scars all over my lower arms that can't be covered by the uniform, and sometimes staff ask about them; I tell them I had an accident as a child I don't really talk about, but it feels awkward and I know that nurses in the hospital recognise them for what they are and judge me on meeting me. I had to go to intensive care to take a mobile x-ray and the senior sister flat-out stared at my arms the entire time I was in the room, which meant I got really shy and the qualified Radiographer did most of the work. The uniforms themselves are 100% polyester and feel disgusting, but I can't wear anything else. They're also fitted so I'm constantly tugging at them because I wear baggy ones by choice. I have to wash my hands every time I see a patient so I've been getting eczema and cracked skin, adding to sensory discomfort. All the lighting is fluorescent and it flickers.

The maximum respite I can get in one day is to go and clean the old-fashioned x-ray room with the lights turned out, so there's a bit of natural light seeping under the blind but nothing harsh. No one really goes in there so it's quiet, but I can only be there for about 5mins in the entire day.

Staff give me the rubbish jobs to do because I'm a student - e.g. I had to help clear up a patient who had pooed herself, even though it wasn't at all in my job description and I knew any of my tutors would say I shouldn't be doing it. They also laughed and always remind me of the incident. I didn't show any weakness and laughed it off, but I hate people taking the piss out of me.

I coped OK last year because I wasn't expected to be "chatty", as I was new. Now, I hate going to the hospital and being around people all day, it just exacerbates the sensory problems and makes me stressed out.

No one there knows I have AS because the staff don't react well to autistic patients and I don't want them to make any assumptions about me. I am constantly worried about coming across as "weird" - one of the students spread a rumour around my lecture class that I was strange/weird because I'm so interested in science (she had me on Facebook as a friend) - so put on a kind of mask all day and force myself to be someone I am not, in order to get good marks for "interactions with staff and patients" on my report sheets.

Also, when I'm home from placement, I have to do all the stuff around the house - cooking, cleaning, buying the shopping, taking care of the cat - because my boyfriend has ADHD and can't organise himself to do it. I also make all his revision sheets for him because he doesn't get disability support from the Uni.

So, you can see I'm busy all the time and have no time for my special interests any more

I don't get paid during the training so I am totally sick of having to do it. I can't leave because I only have one more year to go and it would be a waste of time if I quit.

How can I make being in the hospital more bearable? It will be different if/when I qualify because I can work without supervision so I'll only have to deal with the patients and not the staff. I can also to work night shifts where I'd be the only Radiographer, but only once qualified.

I have noticed I keep feeling like I am "outside my body"; if I walk down a corridor I don't remember the process of getting from A to B. I also keep forgetting what's happened in the day. These are ways I react to events that cause me serious anxiety and it's only getting worse; I tune out mid-conversation now and when I am aware of my surroundings again I can't remember what I've said. I also never know how to arrange my face and have to force myself to smile at people all day, which makes me worry I'm doing it wrong or coming across strangely because I normally just have a neutral expression.

You might be able to wear a light cardigan over your uniform. As long as it's a boring colour, I don't think people would mind. Alternatively, a light long sleeve shirt underneath looks ok with scrubs (not sure about fitted uniforms though...)


I think it may be time to get your bf to step up a bit I'm afraid. Bad enough you're the only one minding house, you shouldn't be his mother too. If he flunks a term because he didn't get his act/meds together then maybe it's a lesson he needs to learn. You're under enough pressure as it is.

Hi, thanks for your reply. Due to infection rules we can't wear anything below the elbow so I'm stuck with the short-sleeved uniform

Ah, forgot some places have that policy. It does make sense unfortunately.

In that case, I think keep on doing what you're doing: at most, make up a story and quickly change the subject. If someone's rude enough to stare (and it is rude) then a short reply along the lines of 'can I help you?' would be fairly appropriate...