What if I get bullied at work?

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What do I do if I get bullied at work? Or never make friends (because I'm too quiet)? I'm on job-seekers at the moment but I can see myself starting a new job where I'm too quiet to make friends and I just spend every lunchtime sitting alone and being afraid to join in groups because they might give me weird looks and accuse me of following them. I've always been accused of following when I'm not intending to do that at all, I'm just trying to be friendly and trying to include myself. I was always taught that if I don't go out of my way to acknowledge them, they won't go out of their way to acknowledge me, so it should take two. I can't win here.

My mum says it isn't that common to get bullied at work by a group of adults who should know better, but she also said it CAN HAPPEN. But she also said that there is often bitchiness found in the workplace. I have learnt to try to not confuse that with bullying, by observing how the situation is usually caused and how it is handled: if people are getting arseache with eachother or are having an argument that has got nothing to do with me, I can usually cope and just stay out of it and not let myself become affected emotionally or socially. If I know I am doing the work correctly and one or more people are still picking on me personally but are laughing and joking happily with other people, that's when it can be more aimed at me personally, and if it goes on too much then it's obvious that they have a problem which needs to be sorted maturely. Sometimes bullying can never be solved, but can be kept an eye on, and it's even better when I have other people to back me up in these situations. If the whole workplace is bullying me then I guess I'd be f****d, because just walking out of a job isn't an option these days, since it's taking me forever to get a job now so it will take me forever to get a job again. What do I do if I'm in a rare situation where the whole workplace hates me for some reason and decides to make my job a living hell for me? Anyone else experienced this? How have you sorted it out?

I've never been bullied at work, but I've worked in some very bitchy places. In my experience all female workplaces are the worst. I know that is a politically incorrect thing to say, but it's been the case for me. Obviously, I've never worked in an all-male workplace, so I don't know what that is like. I've worked in mixed workplaces and workplaces with far more men than women and I found both of those options preferable to all girls. I imagine it depends on the type of workplaces, I can only comment on entry level jobs such as retail, call centres or cleaning.

Bullying at work is taken much more seriously than bullying at school, because there are legal implication for the employer. But that doesn't mean that people at work will necessarily make friends with you. I've made several friends from one workplace, but none from some of the others. The way I look at it is that I'm not at work to make friends, I'm just there to earn money and get on with people as best I can.

Also, in most work places people have lunch at different times (otherwise the business would have to close over lunch) so it isn't unusual to spend lunch on your own, or just with one other person.

If everyone in your workplace was bullying you (and I think this is very, very unlikely) you could complain to your manager. I've had maybe 10 different jobs in as many years (sometimes I was working two at the same time, which accounts for the numbers) and I've never seen a situation where everyone in a workplace was picking on one person. Try not to worry about it too much.

Thank you, that is good advice and very encouraging too.
I do tend to take a lot of things to heart, which (I've learnt) is only irrational thinking with me, but because I have low self-esteem I always seem to look at the bad side of things and think everybody against me because of my AS and the slightly-odd behaviour that comes with it. But, like I said earlier, I will try to observe the situation and try not to be affected by what's going on if it's hardly got anything to do with me.
I agree with what you said about females being bitchy more so than males. It is possible to get bitchiness in among a group of men, but I believe it's a different sort of bitchiness. Women are more critical of eachother, they never seem to outgrow this critical behaviour, whereas (hate to say it but it's true) men are more self-centered and so are more worried about them being happy than what other people look like or act like, which can sometimes lead to bitchiness and squabbling but in a different way to women. This might not be true but I've done lots of voluntary work in different places, and at one place there was a fashion side and a furnature side, and women volunteered round the fashion side and men stuck to the furnature side (mostly). Both sides were bitchy, but when I went over to work at the furnature side with the men one day, although there was a lot of back-stabbing and moaning there, I still felt more comfortable than I did with the women at the fashion side. The men were more welcome with me and tried not to involve me in anything, and they weren't critical of what eachother looked like, they were just critical with stuff that is not offensive.

Yeah. Jobs these days have "no tolerance" policies for harassment and discrimination, In a lot of places its ground for immediate termination.

Edit: Kinda strange being up this early (5am) because I had nightmares. Not from you, Silky. My medication probably needs to be stronger.

That is another reason I am planning on getting on SSI other then not being able to keep up with the typical work load or speed of the work. I admit I would not have any way to deal with being bullied on the job other then to walk out never to return or get upset possibly start tearing apart my work area and being fired and or taken away by the cops to jail or the psych ward or whatever. Then another issue is what if I was not being bullied and my paranoia just got a bit carried away? then I'd really look like a nutcase.

Anyways there are better ways to handle bullying on a job, I just doubt I would be able to put any of those to use...I'd probalby lose it first but reporting it to your employer can help, unless they are in on it otherwise you could probably report it to the authorities and have it taken care of that way but that probably involves paper work, having to prove your side and that they are indeed harrasing you. Sorry I don't have a lot of advice on this but I agree bullying on the job could be quite an issue.

I'd be the same way. Walking out and never going back was the only way I knew to deal with the bullying in school and it landed me in family court multiple times for truancy.

I think it's because I never had the guts to walk out since I figured I'd get in trouble that is partially why now I would have no tolerance for it and wouldn't be able to help having an extreme reaction walking out of a job without giving the employer notice and refusing to come back or answer calls from them and having a mental breakdown are both pretty extreme. Just not sure which one I'd do if I am actually faced with that situation.

I mean it seemed to happen day after day at school...so when I was finally done with school I think my brain decided: We're not doing that again for any length of time. Unless one is being physically restrained or there is a barrier they cannot get through it is indeed possible to just walk out. So if that ends up being the case the only other option is a mental breakdown and insanity.

I'm glad that was encouraging. All workplaces are different, it's just the matter of finding the one that suits you.

For the people who worry about having a panic and being fired, I've had some really bad meltdowns at various jobs and I've never been sacked. Once I got into a complete panic because someone had shouted at me and I drank bleach. My manager had to call an ambulance. But they didn't sack me, and I worked there for nearly a year after that and they gave me a good reference when I left, because I was a good worker - I just had one bad moment. I hadn't told them I had any problems when I started working there - I would expect an employer who knew you had Aspergers to be as understanding.

Well depending on how understanding the employer is might determine how likely they are not to fire you after something like that, also I am more concerned of the sort of 'panic attack/mental breakdown' in which damage would be done to possibly expensive equipment...that might make the firing more likely. But even if I wasn't fired I don't know that I'd be returning from the psychosis a mental breakdown might cause.

Yes I think if you damaged anything other than yourself you might find yourself fired. My jobs have always been minimum wage jobs, where employers aren't known for being overly sympathetic. I think it does depend on the employer and the job. I think it would help if an employer knew what the person's difficulties were. Of course for some people, no job will be suitable no matter how supportive the employer. There is a big difference between someone who becomes upset, and someone who becomes psychotic - it's not worth risking your mental health in that way. That's why it's important that people who can't work are supported.

I've always found work stressful and in the last few years I've tended to do 6 months work and then 6 months off to recover (I have to save and budget carefully) and that works for me, but wouldn't be possible for everyone.

Exactly I am afraid of what would result if I felt threatened by the other employees. I am not 100% positive it would drive me psychotic but I find it to be very likely. I mean even recently I had an incident of my PTSD symptoms getting out of control it felt like I was on some hard drug that causes lots of adrenaline or something anyways I was rather horrified to find there was not any stop to the feeling.....it was like if I thought of something I felt like I'd do it without thinking. For instance there were cars driving by the house slowely to go around the corner but there were more cars than usual and since I was already freaking out that didn't help but I had an urge to jump off the porch and onto the next car and go crazy on it(the fall would have killed or injured me pretty badly I am sure) I am just glad my friend was around but yeah at a job with people I am not so comfortable around would probably just feed into it.

Please don't drink bleach.

Been there, done that. I wasn't being bullied but they put me in a situation I told them I wasn't comfortable with, repeatedly. Having to deal with general public and being completely alone in the building except for some lifeguards who weren't allowed to leave the pool room. Whenever people had questions I had to deal with them, and I was the only one there.

I also had to clean the change rooms, both male and female. I had to knock at the door of the female room and call out to ask if anyone was in there before going in. Often, after a class or whatever, the women would sit around in there yakking, for up to an hour, right up until the next class. They would not take a hint and leave when I asked if anyone was in there. It was really hard to do this all through the day, very demeaning.

One day a manager came by. She complained about the state of the female change room, which had been occupied all day by yakkers. So I told her to go [expletive deleted] herself and left, right in the middle of a shift. My supervisor was po'd, but after we talked he agreed it was a ridiculous situation, and, as I pointed out, one fraught with legal hazards for me - if someone didn't answer when I called out for instance, and I walked in to the female change room while someone was still in there. We did have classes for people with disabilities, some of whom were deaf. It was so not worth that sort of liability/risk, for minimum wage. But he couldn't hire me back because of policy and politics. I don't know why they never listened to me before it came to that. Now they apparently have both a male and female cleaner on the same shift to do that, and there's a guy at the front desk to handle the patrons too.

At my workplace there's too many people who have a high school mentality and hang around these "cliques". If I ever try to talk to them they barely give me the time of day because I don't fit in to their little group. Also if I put on a concert, it's like pulling teeth to get practise time in the gym...might just rent another venue next year if I can.

i can handle any job i am hardworking and can do multitasking too
but i cant handle office politics and bullying

i had quit a job 5 years back and for 3 years i was at home doing nothing
i gathered enough courage to search for a job and finally when i landed one
the only hurdle i face in this current job is bullying by colleagues

yes majority people are ladies in my office they are heavily into gossiping,
passing comments, politics
they have isolated me and i eat lunch alone all alone. they dont even bother to invite me
if thats not all whenever there is office picnic, function they avoid me so that i dont land up in that
picnic or camp
one of my colleague harassed me alot she would call me up and talk rudely on the phone
also she wont answer the phone when i called her and neither reply to sms

she would dump all her work on me and all the seniors were her friends so she was scottfree to do anything

yes in all jobs my worry is never about work, pressure, multitask its all about being bullied

i am confused whether to continue with the job or just quit because its getting on my nerves now

My dad taught me that worrying is a waste of time of energy. I would play it by ear and just hope you get lucky and not face it. If people are unfriendly to you, I would not bother talking to them.

I suspect someone was tampering with my stuff at work by taking my things off the cart and using it and not putting it back. I solved it by taking a camera to work and telling all my co workers I like to film my cart to make sure every thing is on it so I can prove to my boss someone is taking them. My things had not been touched. I was passive aggressive about it pretending I was clueless. I never figured out who was touching my stuff. I figure if I just be naive and clueless, people will quit bothering me because I am too stupid to understand I am being picked on. But then again maybe it was all in my head. I never worried about it. Then last week someone took my cleanser so I had to steal one off another cart no one uses. I can't go to my boss because he will get mad at me and think I misplaced it again because I have a history of misplacing my items and leaving my cleanser next to a sink in a office so I basically set myself up. I just make sure everything is on my cart. I know I did put my cleanser back on my cart because I hardly used it and I know I had it on there when I was done cleaning the two restrooms, then on Tuesday of last week, it was gone. It's also a possibility some people just like to steal my things and they aren't doing it to bully and they forget to bring it back.

But other than that I don't think I really suffered work place bullying because I don't think having an ignorant office clerk or dealing with someone at work who seems to shout at me when I say something wrong classifies as bullying. I have had disagreements at my old jobs and conflicts but I wouldn't call it all bullying.

I honestly don't mind being alone and I suspect the people at work think I am not a big talker nor a sociable person because I am quiet. They talk to me sometimes. I just don't bother joining in their chat. One of them always gives me chocolate when she has some so at least I know I am liked there. Plus they don't speak good English so that is probably also why they don't say much to me. The other two are from my country but one of them has cerebral palsy so he doesn't talk.