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namaste
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19 Jun 2012, 7:11 am

I have been attending training sessions in my office
During the sessions the trainer asks us something to speak out or questions
I noticed that whenever i am speaking there are some colleagues who start whispering
in each others ears
They keep passing comments which i cant hear but definitely either they are smiling, laughing
or whispering something or other

Mostly the crowd in my office are younger lot college students who are looking for some passtime
alongwith college they work here for pocket money

Whereas I am a middle aged woman and i am uncomfortable hanging around with them.

I feel very uncomfortable when they keep whispering and making comments
Does it happen with others


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dyingofpoetry
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19 Jun 2012, 7:49 am

A couple of years ago, I was a victim of some pretty bad office bullying. The problem was that (just as happens in schoolyard bullying) it was a bit difficult to prove, as my tormentors covered their tracks quite well. I learned two things from it though:

1. If you can't prove anything, then just learn to ignore it. That might be difficult, but, with time, the comments will stop. It's just not fun for them for long.

2. If you CAN prove bullying, intimidation, or hostile work environment, then do not hesitate to take it to your supervisor and/or HR. They cannot fire or discipline you for reporting such things and you can nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand.

Good luck!


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namaste
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19 Jun 2012, 8:23 am

dyingofpoetry wrote:
A couple of years ago, I was a victim of some pretty bad office bullying. The problem was that (just as happens in schoolyard bullying) it was a bit difficult to prove, as my tormentors covered their tracks quite well. I learned two things from it though:

1. If you can't prove anything, then just learn to ignore it. That might be difficult, but, with time, the comments will stop. It's just not fun for them for long.

2. If you CAN prove bullying, intimidation, or hostile work environment, then do not hesitate to take it to your supervisor and/or HR. They cannot fire or discipline you for reporting such things and you can nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand.

Good luck!

I have spoken to one of my managers about a particular girls behaviour the manager told me that she will look into it
but these bullies are clever and they cover up their tracks well
i dont feel safe working there or anywhere else because i get bullied often
i noticed that the lesser i show interest in my work, extracurricular activities or socialising
the more they let me live in peace
the more i show inclination towards participation in work, extracurricular activities or trying hard to socialise with them
they snub me more and victimise me.
i feel alone and lost because no one really understands me here....my hubby doesnt face similar problems at workplace
neither my mom understands me
its like i am a island alone or like the problem is created by me.........


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dyingofpoetry
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19 Jun 2012, 8:40 am

If (outside of the bullying) you love your job and want to keep it, then continue to pursue the complaint to your manager. Success in defeating the office bullies will go a long way in helping you to feel better about yourself.

However, if you are not crazy about your job, it is better to just look elsewhere. Spend your time away from work looking for something to which you are better suited and which has a team of emplyess that you are more likely to fit in with.

Either way, don't give up! :)


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19 Jun 2012, 10:11 am

The problem isn't created by you, it's created by their intolerance of someone who doesn't act the way they expect. Not your fault. If keeping a low profile seems to help, do that, but also try not to give them too much credit or take what they say too seriously. That's how NTs treat aspies all the time, and it's not fair or acceoptable. Maybe some day they'll get what's coming to them and see what it's like to be misjudged. :evil:



thewhitrbbit
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19 Jun 2012, 11:01 am

It would be good to try to get an idea of what they are saying.



namaste
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19 Jun 2012, 11:30 am

dyingofpoetry wrote:
If (outside of the bullying) you love your job and want to keep it, then continue to pursue the complaint to your manager. Success in defeating the office bullies will go a long way in helping you to feel better about yourself.

However, if you are not crazy about your job, it is better to just look elsewhere. Spend your time away from work looking for something to which you are better suited and which has a team of emplyess that you are more likely to fit in with.

Either way, don't give up! :)

i am tired of changing jobs last 3-4 years i was at home and not working anywhere
then i got this job the problem here is social interaction
otherwise its a part time job which suits me well
sometimes i am pretty confused regarding whats happening and
everything bounces over my head


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Eesti
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19 Jun 2012, 11:55 am

Might it be possible that they are talking to each other about something else?
It could be that they just use the breaks when questions are asked for talking to each other....



namaste
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19 Jun 2012, 12:16 pm

Eesti wrote:
Might it be possible that they are talking to each other about something else?
It could be that they just use the breaks when questions are asked for talking to each other....

no as soon as i open my mouth they seem to laughing and giggling and discussing things till then they are
quite or listen to the answers posed by others
particularly during my turn they start giggling they feel i am a weirdo, fool and complete nonsense :roll:


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Wile_E
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20 Jun 2012, 12:53 pm

I maybe way off base here but, these bullies only have as much power over you as you give them, ya their immature and rude but it only gets to you if you let it. This has worked for me in the past, grated I teach also, but as soon as they start whispering or giggling, stop talking and look at them when they stop with the whispering comments say something like "I'm sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation with my question” it may work especially if someone else is directing the meeting, now they are embarrassed for having been called out for being rude and the person running the meeting can get things back on track and back you at that time. I use it with my students and usually end up with the backing of the rest of the class that are there to learn and are tired of the interruptions. But then again that’s just me.



namaste
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22 Jun 2012, 12:05 pm

Wile_E wrote:
I maybe way off base here but, these bullies only have as much power over you as you give them, ya their immature and rude but it only gets to you if you let it. This has worked for me in the past, grated I teach also, but as soon as they start whispering or giggling, stop talking and look at them when they stop with the whispering comments say something like "I'm sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation with my question” it may work especially if someone else is directing the meeting, now they are embarrassed for having been called out for being rude and the person running the meeting can get things back on track and back you at that time. I use it with my students and usually end up with the backing of the rest of the class that are there to learn and are tired of the interruptions. But then again that’s just me.

i am shy, introvert person and i don't have intelligence to do such things
its not my cup of tea...i guess i will really have to work hard on my low self esteem


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backagain
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23 Jun 2012, 8:45 am

I am a much older college student and have had dozens of jobs over the years and always end up feeling the odd man out, people pulling the same kind of things you describe, feeling in over my head with all the social crap that goes on.

Currently, being in classes with people more than 30 years younger than myself I try to focus on the positive things, the people that have been helpful and nice, and not the people who are "bothered" by my presence. I also am trying to see this as an opportunity to hone these skills of letting the bad behavior of others not get to me and to maintain a "public happy face".

Just so you know, there have been times it was really bad, a couple of semesters ago a young man seemed irritated by my presence, was hostile and mean, ridiculed me in front of others, yelled in my face about being a "crazy old lady" (i got mad and really snarky at that one and said some things back), then decided to ignore him, which he escalated into following me down halls yelling at me, lurking outside of my classroom following me etc. After a few of these incidences of me ignoring/him following and yelling (with witnesses) I let security and the head of our department know. security spoke with him and got back to me and indicated he even said some strange things to them. So, ignore, ignore, ignore, and if they are stupid enough to escalate the situation, they have hung themselves.

OH, keep notes, just write down what happened but mentally try to let it go after it's written down so your own mood is kept as positive as possible.

It's hard, but again, try and focus on the people who are nice. I am currently in a class with a lab and the other two women in our team put their little head together after I have contributed to the experiement greatly (they do some really dumb things which I don't make a big deal out of) and they fill out the labsheets and don't even answer me if I ask them anything. I just keep being nice, saying hi in class, the hall etc, then walk away when one of them wants to act friendly (go out to smoke, go to the bathroom etc) since when it is only one of them interacting with me, they try to be nice, but that ugly social crap pops up when they are together and they act like best friends and like I am not even there.
I also am hoping to get a much better grade on the last test than either of them, like I did the previous test (20 points higher), and mentally just thinking HA HA!)



ooo
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27 Jun 2012, 2:32 am

Are they looking at you, whispering, and laughing?

Honestly, they're probably just talking about how drunk they were last night. Maybe they're noticing how cute some co-worker is and giggling to themselves. How do you know for sure they're making fun of you?

I would ignore it. Yes, sometimes it's awkward to have giggly young people around, but I seriously doubt they're making fun of you.



namaste
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27 Jun 2012, 4:21 am

ooo wrote:
Are they looking at you, whispering, and laughing?

Honestly, they're probably just talking about how drunk they were last night. Maybe they're noticing how cute some co-worker is and giggling to themselves. How do you know for sure they're making fun of you?

I would ignore it. Yes, sometimes it's awkward to have giggly young people around, but I seriously doubt they're making fun of you.

In the class when a question is posed to me i answer it and whenever i am answering i notice that they are either giggling or cross talking with each other but whenever anyone else answers a question they dont seem to giggle or cross talk.


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namaste
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27 Jun 2012, 4:25 am

backagain wrote:
I am a much older college student and have had dozens of jobs over the years and always end up feeling the odd man out, people pulling the same kind of things you describe, feeling in over my head with all the social crap that goes on.

Currently, being in classes with people more than 30 years younger than myself I try to focus on the positive things, the people that have been helpful and nice, and not the people who are "bothered" by my presence. I also am trying to see this as an opportunity to hone these skills of letting the bad behavior of others not get to me and to maintain a "public happy face".

Just so you know, there have been times it was really bad, a couple of semesters ago a young man seemed irritated by my presence, was hostile and mean, ridiculed me in front of others, yelled in my face about being a "crazy old lady" (i got mad and really snarky at that one and said some things back), then decided to ignore him, which he escalated into following me down halls yelling at me, lurking outside of my classroom following me etc. After a few of these incidences of me ignoring/him following and yelling (with witnesses) I let security and the head of our department know. security spoke with him and got back to me and indicated he even said some strange things to them. So, ignore, ignore, ignore, and if they are stupid enough to escalate the situation, they have hung themselves.

OH, keep notes, just write down what happened but mentally try to let it go after it's written down so your own mood is kept as positive as possible.

It's hard, but again, try and focus on the people who are nice. I am currently in a class with a lab and the other two women in our team put their little head together after I have contributed to the experiement greatly (they do some really dumb things which I don't make a big deal out of) and they fill out the labsheets and don't even answer me if I ask them anything. I just keep being nice, saying hi in class, the hall etc, then walk away when one of them wants to act friendly (go out to smoke, go to the bathroom etc) since when it is only one of them interacting with me, they try to be nice, but that ugly social crap pops up when they are together and they act like best friends and like I am not even there.
I also am hoping to get a much better grade on the last test than either of them, like I did the previous test (20 points higher), and mentally just thinking HA HA!)

sorry you are going through this............there are some people who really badly bully us and the more we keep quite more we are targetted.


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sally7171
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27 Jun 2012, 7:24 am

Namaste, I see this sometimes too, but I'm never certain they're actually laughing at me so I try to ignore it. I think aspies are a little paranoid in this area due to the bullying we all suffered as children.

Do NOT go to your boss about silly stuff like this! From your boss's perspective you'll look weak. Try not to let it bother you. They may very well be laughing at you because you're different, but making a big deal about it just gives them more ammunition. Take comfort in the fact that you're likely way more intelligent than them. Focus on doing your job well. And be nice to everyone, even people you don't like. Don't you dare give anyone a good reason to disrespect you.


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