Understanding other people's needs: a barrier to success?

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StuckWithin
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06 Jul 2012, 11:19 am

I wonder how it is for others on the spectrum when it comes to getting noticed during the job search process.

I've begun to realize how important it is to sell the idea to people that you are the one who can solve their problems for them. When they see you in this light, they want to talk to you because they realize that you have something that can make their over all task easier. You, then, become an asset in their eyes.

But, how do you actually do this if you're on the spectrum and have a hard time reading others' needs? It has been said that egocentrism is one feature of autism, and I would reluctantly have to agree. I pretty much live within my mind by default - it takes a lot of mental energy to reach the "escape velocity" needed to think of others' needs, even though intellectually I completely agree that doing so is a noble human trait. It's just that doing it is really, really hard.

What are your thoughts on this?



GiantHockeyFan
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06 Jul 2012, 11:37 am

I'm usually very modest by nature but two job offers I got were when I walked into an interview, told the owner his warehouse/logistics setup flat out sucks and how I can fix it in a very aggressive tone. Most HR people told me that is the worst possible approach but guess what? I got two job offers out of it both times I tried it! The one job I took the manager gave me almost full rein right away and guess what? Even though the job sucks I DID turn his operation around. This worked because I was very experienced in this field and have proven results to show for it.

I never understood why everyone sees something wrong with this approach. If I were a business owner, I wouldn't be hiring because everything is fine and running smoothly. Employment Counselors usually offer advice that pretty much says "stand out from the crowd by acting just like everyone else!" Utter BS! Those on the spectrum have a unique ability to solve problems and make sure to show what it is.



StuckWithin
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06 Jul 2012, 11:58 am

GiantHockeyFan, I think that what the counselors say simply underscores the extreme importance - in the neurotypical context - of the social acceptability of given actions. For those of us on the spectrum, logic and truth are the main guiding points, not social acceptability per se. That's to say - social acceptability is not our main guiding value. As groups, we are forever "worlds apart" in how we process life.



questor
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06 Jul 2012, 1:25 pm

I have this same problem. However, I feel that egocentric is not the best word to describe it. I would instead say, self absorbed, or living more in one's own mind. To me egocentric implies that someone feels that the world revolves around them--that they are the center of all that's going on in their lives. I don't think that really applies in what you described, which is also a problem of mine. I do live more in my own mind, so things don't occur to me that would occur to NTs, or I think of them after the fact. I don't have people over often, but when I do, I generally don't think to offer them anything to eat or drink, or not until after they are gone, and then I mentally kick myself over it. This happens with a lot of stuff. I just don't think of the proper interaction or not until afterwards, as I am mostly thinking about my own stuff, along with thinking about how to behave, and trying to maintain the conversation without causing offence or committing a faux pas. Common courtesies and other stuff tends to get overlooked at such times, because I just can't process everything at once, or as quickly as NTs do. It just isn't an automatic thing for me to do such stuff, but NTs do these things as naturally as breathing. It is very frustrating, and although I don't do it on purpose, I know my seeming rudeness must be very off putting to many people.


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StuckWithin
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06 Jul 2012, 1:30 pm

Something you said is of key importance: you don't do it on purpose.

Extremely important that people understand that it's neurology, not bad manners.


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