How to introduce yourself after screwing up introduction?

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I started a new job some weeks ago and was not fully introduced to everyone. I often don't know how I should introduce myself or whether it is appropriate to introduce myself. So, I just don't bother. But I realised that it makes it worse - if you introduce yourself right when you meet the person initially, it seems they are expecting you to ask them who they are. But, if you sit next to them for a week and then on week 2 say "oh I should introduce myself, I'm Bob, whats your name?" they act as if your talking to them is uninvited?

Three examples:

There is the company CEO. On my first day, I arrived late and then needed to get my employee ID taken. The receptionist told me "enter the glass door, go left, turn right at the end of the corridor, go up the steps, turn left at the top of the steps, go to the third door on the right..." which was very hard for me to remember and I did not have any paper with me to write it all down. So there I was stressed that I was late and then further stressed because I was trying to remember the complicated instructions. Whilst rushing through the glass door as if I was on some Olympic sprint (trying to minimise the time I was late) the CEO of the company was just opening the same glass door. I did not bash into him but I did nearly knock him over in my enthusiasm. Some weeks later, I was asked to give a presentation to 30 people - something which stressed me greatly - and again I was running late and I had been hiding in the bathroom to calm down and flap my hands. Whilst I was rushing back from the bathroom - clouded by thoughts of oh is the teleconference system going to work, I hope people havent arrived again and left wondering where is the presenter, etc. - I again ran into the CEO - this time he was calmly drinking tea but I did not notice him until I was 1 metre away from him as I was so focussed on the upcoming presentation and I nearly knocked him over again. He again gave me the same look as he had done previously and I apologised and walked on to the presentation room.

The company executive. On my first day, I walked past her office and she noticed me. I did not say anything since I had learned previously that talking to executives only gets me into trouble as I may say something that gets my manager into trouble or difficulty. On subsequent occasions, I walked past her office and again always glanced inside to see what she was doing but never said anything. I then thought maybe I should just say "Hi" so I tried to say "Hi" when I noticed her going home for the day in the elevator but she did not say Hi in return. Nowadays she seems to avoid contact with me - if she sees me coming, she takes a different route.

Fellow employee. I sat next to some people but I was unsure as to whether or not I should say hello given they are contractors and I observed that contractors only say hello/goodbye to each other at the start and end of the day. After sitting at a new desk for 2 days, one of them said "oh what project are you working on?", I then became a bit defensive momentarily but then realised hey at least he is introducing himself to me. He then went on to introduce his team. He then got to the last person but she said "oh I have already been introduced" but I have no idea who she is. Now I am not sure on what to do about her.

My worry is that I will need to attend new employee functions with the CEO, company executive, and fellow employee. I am a bit concerned as to how they might pass on "feedback" or whatever to my manager if they work out who I am. Should i just not show up to the new employee functions so they think I am some random consultant or toilet cleaner or something that they dont need to bother thinking about? But then again I suppose they will keep seeing me and wonder "who is that guy" and maybe if I make a joke about it...."oh its good I'm more careful as to where I am walking today!" will calm them down (my Dr suggestion)?

You can't go back in time unfortunately. Just continue on from here try to act as though you did nothing wrong. For next time you need to say a brief hi to each new person u meet. The closer they are to u in terms of working like in your dept or sitting next to u the more important it is. To be honest it is the responsibility of old staff to greet the newby However if your in your own world that will be harder for them. Make an effort to get to meet those above you again cause u dont cross paths that much it should be ok. Just do your job to the best of your ability and try to put the pieces of the Puzzle together from here In terms of who is who. It's hard for us u need to put so much extra effort into meeting people and working out who is important. You need to practice remembering names and faces I make a mental note of what peoPle look like and practice names in my head. When people walk near me I say to myself
Who is that again and try to remember. If you can become sort of friendly with another person there they an help u with names.
Just say I have a terrible memory for names who is that again.
Good luck I've been there it's awkward it's best to approach the whole thing properly from the start. When that Fails Just make The best of it for now. Try not to think about the awkwardness of it it will just be more awkward just move Forward From here. Good luck

A good rule of thumb is if you make eye contact, you should say hello.

Similar problems here and have not found a way to make myself more proficient.
I did try various recovery-methods though, some of them more useful than others..

When you have not been introduced (or you have forgotten about it) and you sit next to them for a week, then it is best not to do the "Hi I am Bob" thing. Even if you are 100% sure that it has not happened, it is paramount to stick to a certain, foggy evolutionary scheme.
If you sit next to people for a couple of days, it is normal to bring up little uninteresting things that you experience in the office or at home. Home is safest topic as that can not get you into trouble (avoid company gossip!).
If something has happened you can chuckle sorta internally and then mention "yesterday I saw my neighbour doing this-and-that silly thing". Prepare for being ignored (I typically speak so softly that no one hears this).
It is just an attempt. No one will think worse of you when you do this, even if they do not give feedback.

Also it can be good to ask for advice/opinion about something that is not politically/socially heavy. If you use software_X at this place, but you know something about some other similar package, say something like "I try to make test stubs but somehow it takes me forever. I liked how Other_CASE_Tool made that so easy."
If your coworkers are using the same software, they will likely have an opinion. Makes easy conversation and also work related which is always a plus.

The CEO situation: he probably has a bit of an "uuhm what was that? weird" opinion based on your descriptions.
A way to smoothen that is to confess you felt nervous, being new and all when you have an opportunity. Just say sorry and do not go into detail what you precisely did and why. Focus is that you want to replace the former "weird" impression with a new one. Honestly admitting flaws like this shows character strength. Keep it short and simple though.
Mix the words "sorry", "nervous" and "new" in a sentence, wait a few moments for the "that is okay" nod/response. Then say you have to get back to work. It is not a problem if you appear nervous during this, as it merely illustrates your message.

Company executive: seems she is offended that you do not greet her. This can probably be improved by starting to stop for a brief moment if you walk past her office and have very brief eye contact and smile. Once that becomes more easy you can add verbal greeting. I find that words are not always required. I sometimes just wave my hand. That feels more natural to me somehow. Have not had negative response to that. I think I do that when saying goodbye at the end of the day.. but may also do it on other occassions.. hmm never considered..

Unknown contractor: if you do not really need to know who she is for your work, you could just leave it as is. If that is needed, might be good to have a little confession moment with her too. Similar to the CEO situation. This one is probably more easy as there is not that much of a hierarchy thing attached. No need to go in detail as to why you forgot her name and the entire introduction. Just mention the "sorry, nervous, new" words in any random order and prepare some questions to steer the conversation from then on. "What are you working on?", "how do I transfer this_and_that to coworker_04?", etc.

New employee functions: I am not familiar with this expression. If it refers to evaluations, you must attend them. If it is introduction course-like things, also attend. Anything that the company expects you to participate: attend!
If it stresses you out too much, leave before it becomes too much. This can be after a few minutes if it is required.
I would not go into jokes just yet. In the current situation it is very likely to not work. Take it easy on yourself.
Do not fear what they think or to return to a meeting/evaluation once you have recovered. You might be your own worst critic.

Respect your own limits.

Thanks for the advice Sharkgirl, thewhitrbbit, and Azmodania.

Sharkgirl - yes, I try to say hi to them the next time I meet them but they all seem to try to avoid me. I then got annoyed so I tried to get their attention by nudging them to force them to notice my hi but I think maybe that wasnt a good idea since they seem to get a not happy face when I nudge them to get their attention after trying to avoid me. I think it is more ok now since when I get nervous I sometimes start talking to myself in a different language so they all have decided I am a bit "strange" so they are now introduce themselves to me. That said, I think they are also saying things about me - "yeah thats the wierd one we have been talking about!" or something since they have a bit of a smile as they leave which I think means they are thinking something negative but dont want to say it? I got upset by all of this but I am taking some xanax each day to keep calm. I then tried to say hello to people in meetings but they responded with "I met you at the last meeting?" which was a bit annoying given it took me some effort/courage to say hi in the first place and it felt like a slap in the face after putting in some effort. I then just got annoyed and just decided to sit there and stare at them without saying hello.

Thewhitrbbit - Yes, I say hello but I dont get a hello back. When does the rule apply?

Azmodania - Yes, I think those are great ideas. I tried that by noticing that the guy sitting next to me has a favourite book so I asked him about the book. He then spent 10 minutes talking about the book and I just patiently listened (maybe he is aspie?). Now I know his name is Steve and he says hello to me!

aaahchu, here's a technique I use. Every time, and I mean every time I pass someone in the hall or as soon as someone comes within close proximity I smile and say hello or hi, nothing more. I say it in passing, not stopping or pausing unless they initiate a conversation, in which case I stop and talk to them. Doesn't matter who they are, whether I've met them previously or not, or whether or not they are the CEO of the company. If they don't acknowledge me I just continue walking or whatever I was doing and don't worry about it, but this doesn't happen often. Most people respond with a hello of their own or stop to talk to me.

I don't think you should touch or nudge people in the workplace. You might cross over from odd to creepy.

Forget socializing with them just focus on work now. You tried your best and sometimes when you miss that vital first opportunity to get it right every attempt after that will make things worse. So it's ok to be weird every group could benefit from that person I think. Just focus on using your skills such as rote memory and attention to detail etc to do the best job you can. By the way staring at people is not a great idea.

What I'm wondering is why none of these people introduced themselves to you, when you were obviously new.

One thing you might do, if this is something that's done in your office, is when there's a birthday card passed around to sign, or some information that's handed out, you volunteer to do it, and when you come to people you haven't been introduced to properly yet, just say, "I'm sorry that we've never been properly introduced, though I've seen you around. My name is _____." Offer your hand, and do your best to remember their name. If they don't volunteer their name, say, "and you are?" This might make the process of making the rounds slow, but you'd have the excuse of whatever is being carried around, and if it's just the once surely it taking so long would be forgiven. If it's someone who sits next to you, and although not introduced you do know their name, then when they wear something interesting or make eye contact, just start up a little conversation. Maybe even about the weather, or something in the office environment, or to ask them a question. Say, "Oh, by the way, I'm _____. I'm sorry I haven't introduced myself before, being in a new job made me so nervous at first."

I really don't think, unless they were raised in a barn (have no manners at all), that they'll think there's anything wrong with this.

This is also excellent advice:

The birthday card thing and saying a quick hi to everyone as u pass the
Is a good idea. Sorry I said forget about socializing what I meant to say was just don't focus so heavily on it and concentrate on work.

Of course what I said about the birthday card was only a suggestion. I think that would have caused me some problems, been very tiring to do all in one day.

Another option is simply to set the goal of having a conversation with at least one new person every week.

sally7171 - Ah that is a technique I was thinking of. But do you think that it is sometimes challenging if you use the say hi to people as a blanket rule? For example, whenever I visit a mental hospital - various patients outside start randomly introducing themselves to me which I find a bit strange as I was on my way to see my Dr who happens to have his office there and I get confused as to why they are saying hello. I then think well obviously at a mental hospital so people might be a bit different. I then think oh I hope I don't do that then I started thinking oh maybe when I try to say hello to anyone and everyone in the office - maybe thats how it might come across?

sharkgirl - Yes, I have been focused on my strengths and trying to emphasise those...

SpiritBlooms - Thanks for the tips. I think it might be because my manager never introduced me (nor gave me a proper desk to sit at!). He just said oh use Bob's desk given he is away. Then Bob comes back the next day and asks why I am sitting at his desk, then I have to find a new desk which I found very uncomfortable. I then get to the new desk but then that again is someone elses desk who was on his honeymoon and a week later I need to move again. I then get another desk (next to the executive's adviser who doesnt talk to me) but she apparently didnt want me sitting next to her or something (I think she wanted the consultants to sit next to her) so again I needed to move. I told my manager that I should get a proper desk but he hasnt been paying attention and looks at me and is all "I'm sure you can work it out on your own". I eventually had a bit of a meltdown and since then they never asked me again to move desk. Everyone knows I have had many many desk changes and they are nice and protective of me not moving desks again.

Anyways I am now in a new city - I suddenly got asked to travel to a different city to help run a workshop with 10 executives....but wasnt given any instructions on what the workshop was about or where I would be going....just told "go and immediately book your travel for tommorrow night for 3 nights and undertake the preparations you need to undertake".....I tried to get more information but given it was full of executives none of them really bothered to tell me anything....I scheduled meetings which they accepted but later didnt show up to claiming something more important came up.....then as soon as I sit down in the room, the first line is "it is my pleasure to introduce aaahchew who will be leading our session today, its all yours aaahchu".....I was then quite shocked given I had been given no notice of what the topic even was....or any rules/instructions as to what exactly I was supposed to do....luckily I was high on xanax....I realised the rule I had learnt in my aspie support group - if you have no idea...just get someone who likes to talk and get them to talk....and then try to work out what to do....much like a person in a media conference taking a sip of water as a delaying tactic

that said I met a new guy afterwards - he was in the workshop and he was new so I helped him after he got lost trying to find the room....he then offered to have dinner with me and it was very helpful....he told me lots of things that I didnt know were happening....

I have to go back there tommorrow and run the review of the session I had no idea about.....bu yes I suppose I am managing with the help of xanax...

Great work your effectively managing an impossible situation with all your awesome powers of logic. Don't get down on yourself it's a ridiculous situation to try to work in. Glad you provided more detail about it. It really puts it in perspective just laugh at the stupidity and keep trying to show the poor lost souls the way. Whilst you at it find a great job where they manage the organization properly.

aaahchu (I love that name by the way), the reason why I started the hi/hello thing is because I noticed "normal" people always acknowledge each other in some way when in close proximity. The acknowledgement takes many forms such as making eye contact, raising an eyebrow, smiling, or a quick nod or their head. Sometimes they ask how you are this morning, or roll their eyes while muttering something about their boss, or try to chit chat. Sometimes they simply say hi or hello. Watch them for a while before you decide to try my trick. No one just walks by or sits beside someone else without acknowledging their presence in some way. I started using the hi/hello thing when I realized that I had been just passing people without any acknowledgement, and the hi/hello is the least troubling acknowledgement I can muster while still seeming polite. If I were to try anything else I'd worry if I said the right thing, acted creepy, etc. Hello/hi is simple and quick enough to not be considered weird.

I get the feeling the mental patients were up in your face with the hello's or overexaggerating them. Don't get in anyone's face, keep a normal distance and give a simple polite "hi".

On another note, sounds you did a wonderful job minimizing what could have been a disaster. If you're great at the type of work you're doing, your boss's hands-off style might work in your favor. You'll have more freedom to execute your work plans any way you want instead of having someone micromanaging everything you do, and that's one way to become a star at your company. Best of luck.

SpiritBlooms - Thanks for the input. My manager is a bit strange sometimes - he was really nice during the interview process (e.g. when I screwed up an answer to a question he would just gloss over it, etc.) and is helpful when I really phone/meet with him and demand help on something (e.g. I needed to run a big workshop in an unfamiliar location across videconference, teleconference, and in person all at the same time...so I asked him to walk me over there and show me how to use all the complicated audio-visual equipment and stay with me until I was able to practice using it all). But when it comes to what he deems "simple" - e.g. organising a desk, introducing me to other employees, etc. - he is "busy" and expects me to do it myself. My problem is that at least the audio-visual stuff has a manual I can read if he refuses to help and everybody can understand a new guy being unable to use complicated IT equipment they haven't seen before. That said, not being introduced to other employees means I don't get introduced and because I have problems introducing myself in the "correct" way I tend to just avoid it - but then I realised that not introducing yourself at the first available opportunity results in the situation being made gradually more difficult as the person assumes you don't like them or something so they are far less receptive to being said hello to. Thus, the barrier rises to such a level to when you attempt to say hello they ignore you - hence my attempt at "poking" in an attempt to force the person's attention to my hello. As for why I took the job, I had flunked around 20 or so other interviews, had been dismissed from a prior role (role made "redundant"), and had been unemployed for 4 months. My mental state was deteriorating and my doctors insisted that I get a job as they felt me sitting in my room all day was unhealthy and it was important for me to be getting "mental exercise" in a job and a routine by needing to attend work on weekdays.

I think the key issue is that I was never introduced and it seems thats how these people work. I was studying one of them and I noticed that when he enters the office, he will not say hello to me even though I am already sitting there right behind him. It makes me annoyed that I am following the rule of saying hello and he is not following the rule himself. This is despite me having said hello to him every morning. He never ever initiaties a hello to me. But then he does say hello to others in the office. I watched him for a day or two - identifying and logging who he talks to - and I noticed a pattern: he seemingly says hello to people from his company (he is an external consultant) and says hello to the people he works with directly in the company. Given I work at the company (thus not an external consultant like him) and I don't work directly with him (I just sit near him) perhaps this is why. That said, other people say hello that sit near me and they are external consultants and don't work directly with me - but maybe each of them needs their own rule. The problem is that I sense based on what I have been listening into - he is the assistant manager of the team or something and if he doesnt say hello to someone they all take it as they should also not say hello to that particular person (there are like 10 in the team).

Sharkgirl - Thanks for the encouragement.

sally7171 - Thanks for complimenting my nickname. Ah ok - maybe I smile at people. How many time should you say hi to a person during a day? For example, if you say hello in the morning and then pass them on your way to the elevator....what are you supposed to do?

As a side note - the trip apparently went very well. I was told I was "exceptional" at taking an unstructured set of problems and creating structure. They also gave me a company-sponsored frequent flyer membership so now I get free upgrades, priority boarding, priority check-in plus company-sponsored hotel membership so I get room upgrades, late check out and stuff. That said realised I have never taken a holiday for pleasure so I thought maybe it isnt that useful.

I also realised that I should focus on things that make my day stressful and minimise them - I hated going for food at lunch because there is only 1-2 very crowded foodcourts which make me very uncomfortable....I found a cheap cafe which is essentially the same price as food served within the foodcourt and there is always a table there no matter when I go....so I eat at the cafe now.....given I eat there everyday....they now remember me and are nice to me......I also really disliked public transport as the schedule was always unpredictable (which annoyed me as I had to wait 15-30 minutes) and caused me to not be "early" for my manager who likes to have early morning meetings.....I started driving my car to work.....which was a big step for me as I dont like going into the garage in the shared apartment complex I live in or navigating busy traffic or trying to navigate a busy underground carpark but I developed a system which made it much more reasonable (i.e. I researched when other residents drive their car and picked a time when the shared garage is least busy with cars exiting/coming in, researched the best back-streets route to minimise my interaction with traffic, and found a car parking place where I am the among the first in the morning to show up so there is no traffic to contend with). I now feel much better - it is as if I am taking lexapro or something - although my days can be annoying they are not super bad anymore since I am not going to get upset by the foodcourt or by public transport issues.....I get more sleep each day....I am no longer looking at my watch all day trying to at public transport locations at specific times then realising that despite my efforts to be on time the transport provider does not follow the same logic and be on time themselves (instead leaving early or late) which then disrupts my planned schedule...

I didn't read the entire thread.

What we usually do at work is to shake hands on first introductions. So I will walk up to someone I don't know, like a boss, co-worker, etc. and say, "Hi, my name is [blank.]," and make eye contact, and offer my hand. I try to have a firm, but not really hard hand, but sometimes when I get nervous my hand just kind of flops. I might say "from [blank] department." Then I smile, and say, "nice to meet you."

If you've never met your CEO, it might be a good idea to say to them, "Hi, I don't think I've introduced myself. My name is [blank]," and shake hands. This is pretty standard where I live, and it's almost like an obligation. You could also add "sorry I almost ran into you before, I was nervous before my presentation."

It is especially normal to introduce yourself to people who have a direct effect on you, or who you affect, in this way. (I hope that's the right use of affect/effect--they always confuse me.)

There is no hard-fast rule about saying "hi." People who work with each other might say it out of obligation. If someone doesn't say hi to you often, you can just smile at them or nod. I think it's pretty common to say hi in the beginning of the day, but later just smile or nod at them--essentially acknowledging that they are there. Don't worry about people reciprocating--there's no actual rule, so they can't be blamed for not knowing a rule that doesn't exist.


Your post reminded me of this:
I had this experience recently, where i had to get something from my boss' desk. He was talking to someone, and his back was facing me. So I sort of snuck around him and got the thing--I guess I was afraid of interrupting them....and I'd hate to stand there and wait for them to finish talking before I got what I needed.
( I tend to do that--instead of interrupting I just stand there and look at people--waiting for them to acknowledge me and thus give me permission to speak. It doesn't really work that well.)
My boss turned around and said "hi" to me, and I waved at him. But I was anxious--so my wave kind of looked like what people do to hypnotize others--like with the wiggling fingers. I know this might have been awkward or creepy (having someone sneak up behind you and grab something off your desk--then do a weird, hypnotism wave at you?) I remembered, upon leaving, that I had completely ignored the presence of the other person. But oh well--they were talking, so hopefully they understood I wasn't trying to interrupt.

Oh well--I'm only human.