Three weeks in my new job and my weirdness has been noted...

Post Reply New Topic

Last week, my manager called to her room me and said she is worried about me. Supposedly, I look like I have my head in the clouds. She said that it is not a warning, because I do a good job and everybody in the office (including the boss) likes me. But she says I should be careful about that kind of behavior.

I spent most of my weekend with that in my mind, but I have no idea what I should do to disguise my aloofness. Eventually, I stopped worrying about it, but today she mentioned the problem while me and a coworker who is teaching me some new tasks were talking to her. She asked him what he thought about me and (fortunately) he said he did not agree with her and that I am doing a very good job.

Despite that, it is clear that my manager is satisfied with me (she even said it to me). Besides, in all of my previous jobs people eventually realized there is something wrong with, but, since it never affected my performance, they never seemed to bother with it. Therefore, I am not worried about losing my job, because the chances of that happening are very low. Yes, I am very confident about things like work and education.

What bothers me is that it happens every. Freaking. Time. And it is not only at work; in every social situation I have ever been through, like school, gym and acting classes, it takes a ridiculously short ammount of time for people to realize that I am unusual. They rarely tell me, but it is always clear.

Sorry, it was a long rant and I am whining about a problem that has no solution. Besides, I am not even sure if this is the right place to post this (I was in doubt between here, the Haven and the Social Skills forums).

What you describe happens to me as well, although I think it takes slightly different forms for everyone with AS. I'm facing a tough decision right now ... while my work is one of the few places that still provides a pension plan, I've been there almost 30 years, I do my job well ... I constantly hit a brick wall with the people I work with. To get around this over the years, I've just simply switched shifts, so that I've done all three shifts at least two or three times now.

Now I'm in a different department and there's only the day shift. On top of that, Human Resources just sent out an email asking people to disclose their disabilities. The Asperger's Association of New England support group that I go to has said this is a good idea. But I feel like my supervisors will be unsympathetic. They're very good at getting their way, and I'm afraid if they find out I have it, they will find a way to get me out of the department and off into some low-paying, paper-shuffling job.

To OP

and how is Sao Paulo this time of year?

What if your medium disclose, perhaps something like this: 'Well, I'm a super nerd. I have patchy social skills. I mean, don't we all. Yeah, but I think mine are quite a bit more patchy than average.'

===

For me, the tricky part of social interaction is that it often, but not always, works well to undertry.

To salem44dream:

I really encourage you to trust your gut instincts (right-brain feel-and-texture pattern recognition). And it sounds like your gut instincts are telling you not to disclose.

And pressuring people to disclose, that's not ADA. As I understand it, what ADA is, is that an employee can choose to disclose, and the company or institution needs to then make a good faith effort to find reasonable accommodations.

=====

ADA is the U.S. law Americans with Disabilities Act, which in a number of ways is actually pretty good.

Don't worry about your boss' concern with your demeanor. They would be fools to get rid of someone who is doing their work well and not getting in anyone's way.

My husband makes the suggestion of doing little nice things for your office mates, if your office allows it, like bringing in fresh muffins or doughnuts to share--not all the time but every once in a while, like every month or two. That has worked for other people we've known.

sorry to hear its happening with you. but sooner or later it starts happening.

i remember a new girl had joined our team and she became friendly with everyone she used to dump her work on me, all her work was incomplete, she was not even bothered to fill daily log etc.

but then she was given confirmation letter and no one said anything to her infact the supervisor soon became her closest friend.

so yes even if you dont do your work but if you are good at your social skills you will suceed

Wow. I'm still so confused. My instincts are finally kicking in and telling me to wait a while, because I can (1) talk to my therapist about it on Thursday (2) come to the conclusion that things are overly exaggerated in my head in how I'm imagining they are (maybe my supervisor doesn't even have a clue that I'm upset right now?) (3) re-think the idea that I'm about to get fired. I'm not! I'm a perfectionist and that slows me down, but the work is medical and for a hospital, so speed is not necessarily more important than doing it right.

Thanks for the replies.

As I said before, I do not think I could lose my job over this. I am only venting because I am tired of always being seen as an excentrical guy (even though I really am an excentrical guy). I wish there was some way to better hide whatever it is that makes me different, but I guess I would first need to know what is it that makes me different.

I think the problem is you're a bit too insecure about yourself, and that does vibe negatively.

The problem is that if you deviate from the "norm" in any way, you seem weird. Nerds & Geeks & Aspies have been dealing with that forever. It's a shame that society can't just accept people as they are. It's difficult as an Aspie to work with NTs sometimes. I've had similar problems where my work was outstanding, but "people" were concerned about me. Hmmmm, not everyone is social and likes to gossip, etc. As long as you are doing the job well, just keep doing it, and learn to not worry so much about what others say/think. (I know that's easy to say…)

@ salem44dream, who said: "Human Resources just sent out an email asking people to disclose their disabilities." They may be just trying to cover their butts in case something happens to an employee with a disability and they are called on it—"Why didn't you provide X for them/etc.). In any case, I don't think they can require you to tell, or fire you if you don't. But I'd check up with your local job board/government agency if you feel pressured by this.

Meh, the people I work with know I am different. But I am a hard worker and get along with them so it isn't really an issue. I have let them know that I don't usually get sarcasm though, haha.

As to Magnus' problem - you'll never in the world be able to nail down all the little ways in which NTs can find you "weird", which is sad, and I'm saying that as a NT. They (or we, I guess) are like chickens looking for something different in another chicken to peck at. I think the best defense against this is just to be a good worker and to be likeable, which is sounds like you are. But it's understandable that it's bothersome.

And with Salem Dream's highly disturbing problem- that's awful! Who would think it's okay just to do a "disabilities check" of an office? I have a degenerative neurological disease myself and this sometimes makes me move strangely so I need accommodations at school. Because I look normal most of the time I had to sit next to the other grad students at the admissions things this week while they were talking about how people try to "get by with" disability accommodations. I just stayed quiet because I wasn't trying to get personal with 600 strangers.

Continue to do a good job, become respected for your knowledge and work skill, and people will look the other way on a lot of stuff.