More Workplace Bullying....

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So I asked someone to switch schedules with me this Saturday so I could go to a party for my Aspy support group. The co-worker refuses. So what's the problem, you ask? Surely he has a right to say no, right? The problem is I've switched with him SEVERAL times when he wanted to do something. I also loaned him money one time. And this is how this as*hole repays me? I told my boss, and he said he would "take care of it," but that was a few days ago, and I've haven't heard anything else. I don't want to be a pest to my boss by telling him again, but I don't know what else to do. Yes, I could switch with someone else, but nobody really wants to work Saturday and it's also the principle that's aggravating me. This co-worker doesn't have seniority on me or anything...why is he allowed to do this? Should I just stop doing favors for people because I can't trust that they'll give me help when I need it?

I don't think this is bullying, just him being an ass.

This happens a lot. I've covered shifts for people and they couldn't be found when I needed someone to cover for me.

Some people are just selfish as*holes.

Now you know not to help him out in the future.

I consider it "bullying" because he took advantage of my kindness and now doesn't want to reciprocate, though I do see your point.

It's nice to think I could refuse him a favor in the future, but I doubt he'll ask me for anything ever again. Or I may still get the boss to overrule him, but I'm not holding my breath.

It's not bullying, it's just that the guy is a jerk with no manners.

Going to your boss about him not switching isn't a good idea. It sounds a little bit like grammar school kids telling the teacher because somebody won't share. Doing that kind of thing can make your boss lose confidence in you.

Just don't do the guy any more favors.

Bullying would be if he intimidated you to get you to change shifts or made fun of you for why you wanted to take Saturday off.

This is just normal jerkface behavior - not bullying. It still doesn't feel good, though.

I wouldn't do favors for him anymore, obviously, and I would ask your boss if they have had a chance to talk to this person about switching the shift with you. Following up isn't being a pest - it's just standing up for what you need!

This isn't bullying at all, simply being an as*hole. Just remember that everyone has the right to be an as*hole; this rule applies to you. Try not to be obnoxious about it, I would either be dismissive from now on around this person or take him to the side and tell him you believe it was f****d up(please, don't call it bullying) and tell him you won't be doing any more favors...then don't!

People rethink these little betrayals when a friend's batchelor's party/wedding or their child's birthday comes up and nobody has their back, jus' sayin'.

I use a point system in my head when working somewhere. Everyone gets 10 points and I subtract one when you're an jerk, and add one when you're nice. Below 5 I'm no longer "nice" but just neutral to you, and reaching 0 means you're on my shitlist.

Of course this isn't actually fair because I'm the judge and jury, and so far no company has lasted more than 3 months before everyone (important) reached 0 points...

Don't think of it as you doing something for someone to gain something back. Think of doing a favor as a good thing to do for someone but don't expect any returns. In my church we've been told to bless others because have already been blessed. Get out of the you owe me I owe you mentality and do things for others because it is the kind thing to do. I wish others would do the same thing.

Yes, exactly! You did him a kindness in the past but he doesn't OWE you the same in return. Did you impress the need for your change? Did he explain why he couldn't do it? He might've had plans for that night too and wouldn't just drop those to please you.

Communication is key... and that sense of entitlement is going to cause you nothing but grief down the road. Been there - done that.

For some of us, though, reciprocity is incredibly important. I don't think it's "bullying" per se, either, but I do understand why the OP would be frustrated about a lack of reciprocal consideration from a co-worker.

I agree that the reciprocity is important.

Sometimes though you have to ask yourself if it's worth the battle, and sometimes cut your losses and be done.

If you start using words that I have to google to know what I mean, you can bet you're getting a reply to just point that out.

But actually, after reading what "reciprocity" means that's probably my number one "way" of dealing with coworkers. Clearly I'm doing it wrong though. I'm way too positive till a point and then pretty much go really nasty. (Although of course my level of really nasty is still only "just rude/no longer really nice so the contrast itself shows it" compared to others).

I'm the same

I start off nice then the relentless ignorance and rudeness of others grinds me down to the extent where I feel I hate them all!

I've recently started a new job as an administrator at a nursing care home and while some of the care staff are friendly and will acknowledge you by smiling or saying hello when you cross paths, some of them are off the scale ignorant! They deliberately avoid eye contact or just look at me as if there's something 'really wrong' with me! lol I find it incredibly offensive and it's made me take an intense dislike to the ones who act like this. The days when I would keep trying to be nice in the face of such unpleasantness are long gone so I make no effort towards these people, try and avoid having to interact with them and secretly plot their downfall!

Being friendly and pleasant is so much easier than being rude and dismissive - I just don't understand the logic of people who act like this as it makes it 100 times more awkward for them when they have to interact with me. I can't abide having to be civil to people I'd rather tell where to go; I find it utterly demeaning!