Anybody else done something like this?

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When I was in Year 12 (the last year of high school, where I live) last year, my main goal was to move out of home and into a university dorm.

That didn't happen.

I've almost finished my first year of my first undergraduate degree (I have exams and one assignment left to do and then I'll be home free for the year) and I still live at home with my bio father. Our relationship has always been rocky.

As a child I was afraid of him, because he would get angry at the smallest things and he would scream at me for hours upon end about the things that really got under his skin (namely, my lack of social skills and friends). He still does this now, except that I yell right back at him. This rarely does any good, but I feel like if I didn't yell back, I wouldn't be standing up for myself, which is something I wouldn't be able to live with.

I also had a rough childhood - a lot of abuse and bullying. And when I look back on this as a nineteen year old, I can't help feeling as if he could have done more to help me with it.

Our relationship is slightly better these days, but we still get into a screaming match every so often. But most of the time, I don't mind living with him. I do wish I could have a bit more privacy and that he was nicer and more nurturing - but you can't have everything.

But like I said, my main goal last year was to move out. And to do that I needed money. I had never had a job before (I still don't). Over here, your not allowed to get a formal job until your 15 or 16. I was definitely not in the right head space at that age to have a job. I was severely depressed with some mild anxiety. I am also an introvert and I can not function without time to myself. Getting through the school day was enough work.

So needless to say, when I was in Year 12 and looking for a job, it was very difficult. I applied to every place I could think of and I actually signed up to get email alerts for part time jobs. I applied to lots of places and people would very rarely get back to me. If they did, they did so only to tell me that the position was filled.

I knew that a lot of the places I applied to kept resumes and applications on record for a period of time. But I had absolutely no idea that my application was still in their systems over a year later.

I got a phone call the other day from an employee at one of the places I applied to in Year 12 and they asked me to come down for an interview. I basically made an idiot of myself. I had absolutely no idea what to say to them and I just keep stammering and stalling for time like: "Uh....uhm...you want an interview on Friday?...Really?...Uh...Yeah..." type of stuff.

I felt absolutely shocked. It has been over a year since I applied to this place. I didn't know whether I wanted to say yes or no and the employee was pressing me for an answer. I felt completely unprepared. I'd actually go as far as to say that it had knocked me for six.

As soon as she said that they wanted to interview me, I felt my breathing change noticeably. They started becoming shallower and rapid. I'm pretty sure that she could notice as well. I said that I'd have to get back to her on an appropriate time for an interview. I felt like she became a little confused or abrupt after that ("Well, melmaclorelai obviously isn't going to be any good at the job, if she cant handle a simple phone call!" type of abrupt) and as soon as I said bye, I hung up.

As soon as I got off the phone, I started crying and I felt like I was having a small panic attack (I used to get very bad ones). I was angry that I had just been hit with it out of nowhere. I was confused that I was being asked for an interview nearly two years after I had applied. I was angry that they were asking me for an interview now, when I had applied almost two years ago. I was shocked, angry and frustrated that I wasn't prepared in the slightest for the phone call. And I was upset about how unprofessional and stupid I must have sounded.

I think that the mini panic attack lasted from half an hour to fourty five minutes. It wasn't as bad as the ones I used to get - I could still breath relatively well and my crying wasn't too hysterical.

I felt better afterwards and I felt okay for most of today. But sometimes I have this tendency to let one bad thought into my head and then my entire mood goes crashing down and I become down on myself.

That's basically what happened just now. That is the first time that anybody has ever asked me for an interview for a job and I don't know if it's ever going to happen again. I feel as though maybe I just blew a big opportunity.

But then on the other hand, if I'm honest with myself - I don't really care for a job right now. I'm a very carefree sort of person and I don't like to have too many obligations or responsibilities.

I feel rather conflicted and I thought that the people here on Wrong Planet would have a better idea of what I'm going through then the NTs around me.

I know I don't post here very often, but I think this is a great community with an important role and I would like to spend more time here.

I hope that that made sense. I also hope that anyone who may be in a similar situation was comforted by this.

Because of our mental processing issues, many of us on the spectrum can't handle having too many things going on at once. Taking on too much at once tends to overload our processing abilities, and then we have more problems with mental health issues, social issues, sensory issues, etc. Also, many of us, like you really need to have some time out of every day for destressing and recharging our batteries. You might be better off just finishing school first, and then go looking for a job.

I'm not actively looking for a job right now. That's why the phone call was such a big shock - I applied there almost two years ago and I didn't think that my application would still be on file.

I plan on doing my Masters and PhD (probably as soon as I finish my undergraduate), so I don't know if waiting until then to get a job is a good idea.

You'll be thankful if ou get a part time job now when you get the bill from 7 years of college.

Plus, a HUGe issue people are running into is that they have Masters Degrees and no experience and no one wants to hire that.