Christmas dinner at work.

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So yet again I have a bit of a problem at work. It's December soon and it's common for companies to go out and eat food, like a buffet. And last week I was asked if I'd like to follow along. I said I'd think about it and I haven't been able to stop worrying over it since then. The thing is that I know that it will be seen as strange to not accept the offer, but by accepting it will put me in an unfamiliar situation that I don't like. First of all I'm worried by the sensory issues that comes along with an event like that. The other Christmas buffets I've been to with my family have been in restaurants with loads of noise and chatter and everything. Also there's the problem with the seating arrangements, normally on lunch at work I have a "regular" spot but all knowledge on how I survive the workday will be tipped over and roughly rearranged. If I could lie adequate enough I'd come up with a reason why that date wouldn't work out, but I can't lie very good. Oh and not to forget that some of them probably will get drunk, I don't like being around and/or talking to drunk people.

I think I might be overreacting a lot. I haven't told everyone at work that I have Aspergers yet, just my supervisor, but she's currently sick.

Last edited by 47x on 18 Nov 2012, 2:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Ideas:

Tell them that you have an existing commitment on that day.

Tell them you do not celebrate Christmas.

When it gets nearer the time, tell them that you're ill and have to cancel.

Preferred option: tell them the truth: your Asperger's means you will find it too overwhelming.

(This option is only OK if you are comfortable with announcing the fact that you have Asperger's).

Interestingly, whenever the jobs I had had a buffet off site, I never went because I was always on duty at the time. Weird, but that's how it worked out. Better for me, though as socializing is just not my thing.

I feel for you. I haven't managed to go to a work Christmas do since 2006. I am going this year because I like the people where I work. They do not know what is wrong with me, but they know I don't drink (religious reasons) and I have told them that I won't eat anything, and that I don't dance and they all seemed happy enough with this.

You can either try lying, for example saying you have just realised you have a family thing on the same night, or you can say you cannot afford it. You could even just be honest and say 'It's not really my thing, but thank you for inviting me and I hope you all have a lovely time'. Lots of people are not coming to my work Christmas night out for various reasons and no one has questioned them at all.

Try not to worry too much about this, I know it is easier to blow it all out of proportion which is what I usually do.

It might be better for your job/career to even make a quick showing, have a couple small standing-up nibbles, chat with your boss/colleagues for a bit then duck out before your senses become overloaded. It'd probably go over a LOT better than not going at all.

I've always distrusted company christmass parties. I think they're problematic even for NTs especially if alcohol is around.

I would try to say you have another commitment.

We call them holiday parties because of political correctness.

But you know what, just go for a little bit. Say hi, have a little food (it is free after all) and then say you have to go. I've been to several company holiday parties and lots of people do this.

You don't have to go, the best excuse being that you've something else planned that you can't get out of. Or just be honest, if you feel you can. If they try to change your mind, they must like you and I would advise sitting close to them, at the dinner, if you do go.

But, you could just go and see how it is. You might enjoy yourself, you never know. Try to sit next to someone (or preferably a few people) you get on with. There's no need to talk about much, during the meal, other than your enjoyment of what you've eaten, being polite, answering any questions and reciprocating.

Is there going to be a dance after the meal? For me, this was always the best bit. I love to dance and nobody expects you to talk, when you're dancing.

Thanks for all the answers. I think I'll take the easiest way out and say I don't want to go. I have some problems with eating near people, a few years ago it was an all out phobia. But anyhow, I'll rather explain to them why I can't make it, instead of missing some vital clue of how to be human in social gatherings. Actually if I could get away with it I'd rather work.

I think you should not take the easy way out.

Why not?

When I eat at dinner, I look down and focus on my food. Others across from me will look at me and ask me questions about my own food, how are the peas? It sounds like that is too crunchy. People say I eat to fast ( I don't realize it, but its most likely because I want it over with). The focus seems to be on each other while eating. I can't enjoy the food or eat it correctly with people doing that. Then there are the awkward things I don't think about when I eat by my self, like where to put my arms, on the table, in my lap? What if something wrong is in the food like a small hard piece and its in my mouth, do I take it out with my fingers?
Do I accept the wine? What if someone wants me to open cork on the bottle and I don't know how? I would look not mature enough for my own age?
Then there is the booths, and being crammed in with others, can't escape.

I wish people would only pay attention to their own eating.

Why take the easy way out? Why not challenge yourself a little and maybe have fun?

A workplace "dinner" is 99% socializing, 1% food.

Food and eating is NOT the primary focus. You are expected to be there to socialize. If you decide to do the difficult, beneficial thing - go there with the plan to socialize as much as you can and leave gracefully when/before you reach your limit.

If it's a buffet, aim more for "nibble" foods and snack portion so you can concentrate on socializing, not eating.

It may seem like it defeats the purpose until you realize this is a SOCIAL event, not food provision.

AMEN! Why are people always so caught up in what those around them are doing? Don't worry if I'm enjoying my meal, if I'm not I will do something about it. In fact, knowing others are so invested and concerned in what I am eating and if I like it pretty much assures I will not enjoy the meal.

I don't mean to suggest something that puts you in a terrible situation (do what is best for you), but,

You would feel much better if you did not have to go, there would be alot less to worry about aside from figuring out how to say you will not go. The dinner. People's questions. Who to sit next to. Its supposed to be fun, but what if similar conflictions between coworkers happen like at work? What about when someone at the table stands up and makes a speech, and then more people do, but you don't know what to do. There is alot to think about, what do you think about?

Sometimes how people see you is not how you feel on the inside. You may work really hard with what you do, but if you don't go it might appear to them to show less of an interest in the job, even if thats not how you feel on the inside. Thats difficult and not fair to you.

There is sort of a third option, and that is maybe you can go, but not the whole time.
How long is the event? If its not working for you, you can leave before it is over. Maybe you can pretend to pick up the phone, and say "oh what happened" on the phone but near people and then leave. You don't have to explain your self to people why you are leaving, but people can hear that something important happened and thats why you left. Once your over whelmedness meter reaches full maybe you can do that.