small talk stinks

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Why do co-workers feel the need to say something to me when we pass each other in the hall? I think a smile and nod is more than sufficient but some people can't just stop there and have to comment on inane stuff or feign exhaustion or work fatigue during what is a reasonably paced time of year around here. I just walked past a colleague who complimented me on the shirt I am wearing. The shirt is over 10 years old, this is not the first time I have worn it to work in a long shot, and she had to follow up with "I just love stripes!" I had to look down at my shirt to figure out what she was talking about.

Other times people will make a comment on what I am preparing for my lunch and start gushing about how healthy it looks and then start lambasting themselves for not eating as healthy. Why do people do this? Why can't I just assemble my lunch in peace? Or people will point out the obvious "Oh look at that rain!", "Oooh, you're reading a book!" Is it impossible for people to just be quiet?

Because if you don't, most folks will find the work environment significantly more hostile--it will be much harder to do anything that requires the cooperation of others.

Do people take is as an insult if I don't exchange banter? I smile and nod but trying to come up with the appropriate reply to someone pointing out it is raining (when we are both outside in the rain) ties me up in knots. What do they expect me to say?

Dear AlphaSister,

I believe these insensitive jerks are people making feeble attempts to be nice to you. You should wear a sign warning them that you will not tolerate their small talk and their puny existence. Find or create some crazy looking piece of costume jewelry and tell anyone who asks that it's a miniature Tesla Death Ray which is set to automatically destroy anyone who emits anything sounding remotely like small talk.Better still, pitch a fit and throw your lunch at the wall when they pay you a compliment about it.

I think it's GREAT to keep increasing the perception in various workplaces that people with ASD are intolerant, humorless and unkind. Keep up the good work! Soon NO ONE will want to hire us except as Resident Bummers.

I don't understand why people always have to talk to be comfortable. It seem like a lot of people find silence offensive or something.

Small talk is the most annoying thing in the world. I mainly stay away from it as autistics tend to be not as inclined to make it. But when people do ask me annoying questions like "how are you" or "isn't the weather nice today" (even when it blatantly isn't!), I usually just ignore and turn away. It makes me very uncomfortable as I'd rather talk about specific, concrete things that have meaning with relation to my current situation and state of mind. Sometimes I actually answer some of these questions with lots of detail, but then it's pointless because people tend to provide very superficial, scripted feedback which does not help me at all. Instead, it feels like an intrusion upon my personal space. When I was working this summer, people thought that it was "wrong" that I was refusing to make small talk, even though I worked quickly and productively.

Small talk is actually the reason why I often procrastinate on getting my hair cut or getting some other service, like dentist or doctor. I wish people could just take me in, only talk to convey important information, and just do their job. I still haven't found entirely autistic-friendly services in some of these domains.

And it's even worse in a small town. I moved here with my husband who has lived here all his life, and everyone knows him. So therefore everyone thinks they know me and therefore have an obligation to ask how I'm doing, how the boys are, how the ambulance business is going (even thought they don't even know my son's name and have no clue about the ambulance business) and I have a hard time not answering questions because I have this irrational fear that hidden somewhere in the stupid questions is something that really matters.

People always ask me, "how's it going?" I always answer literally.

The other day, our main point of contact for the customer we are working for walked by while I was down on the floor with my hands contorted deep in a piece of equipment, installing a part which can only be removed or inserted from the most awkward location.

Him: Hey, how's it going?
Me: sh***y! My hand's stuck.

I am thankful that he has a sense of humor!

I don't think Aspeis are the only ones with a problem with small talk. I think even some NT's are not to fond of small talk. Why do you think people drink many times?