Am I making the right choice by telling my employer?

Post Reply New Topic

First, a little backstory. I'm a 24 y/o diagnosed Aspie, graduated from my state university with a BS 1 year ago. During college, I worked for a corporate mermaid-themed coffee shop where I did pretty well. Dealing with customers was initially very stressful, but after two months went by, I found my routine and was able to deal with customers quite well if I stuck to my script. I was even promoted to supervisor for a while, and despite doing the job well, I voluntarily stepped down to Barista and was much happier for it. That job, while stressful at times, really helped me improve my social skills.

Since April last year, I have been working for a small, independent grocery store. It suits me well, as it is very close to my area of interest - food safety and good nutrition. I managed to impress my bosses with creative solutions and attention to detail, but that has lead to my promotion to a management position. Instead of managing my own department (packaged foods), I am now responsible for managing staff from all departments (produce, packaged foods, bulk, body care, supplements). I also manage our outside contacts with suppliers and I work closely under a manager who expects constant communication with him and the other staff. My new role also requires me to constantly switch between tasks and deal with a multitude of small issues throughout the day. I am overwhelmed, and it has completely sapped my energy for any contact with friends outside of work.

The main problem is that this position - supervising each department - was created specifically for me when I was promoted last November. I even helped write my current job description. At the time, I was fresh off my previous successes at work, and I thought I could handle it. I thought I would be able to make it work, and adjust - just like I did at Starbucks (oops, did I say that out loud?). I would like to step down to my previous position (before I was promoted), but I am afraid that it will offend and anger the people who created it for me. I feel like disclosure of Asperger's is the only way I can make my request sound reasonable, but I don't want to be treated like a basket case for the rest of my tenure. My only advantage is that my managers know me fairly well by now, and they know I have a strong work ethic and good judgment.

Have any of you been in a similar situation? How did it turn out for you? Do you think I'm making the right choice here?

If I'm reading this correctly, you have been in the supervisory position at the grocery for only four months. Honestly, I would give it more time before you take any action. It can take at least a year if not more to be comfortable in a position. I think you might be selling yourself short by giving it up too soon.
That's not to say that you shouldn't disclose your AS. If you feel that your employer is open to such things and won't hold it against you, it may make communication with him easier and make you more comfortable in the role you have now.

I'm a teacher, so I have chosen not to disclose, because I fear my employer's pre-conceived notions of what AS looks like (ie, the handful of children they know who have it, and not an adult who has learned how to function) would mean that they assume I can't be a good teacher, and force me out. This has happened before in previous positions...most people assume that anything mental makes you incompetent, and even though it's neurological, most people see AS as a mental defect. I have disclosed to my department chair, and she helps me to navigate the politics, and other things I have trouble dealing with. Do you have anyone at work that you are close to, who you trust to provide some support and not let the cat out of the bag? Aside from that, I provide a lot of my own accommodations. What accommodations could they give you to make your job easier? Can they be implemented yourself without them even knowing (such as schedule changes to limit the days in a row you work, or communicating via email more to avoid face to face interaction when possible)?

Also, if you are not interested in keeping your current job, I would think that you wouldn't need a reason to drop back down to your old position. People do it all the time, often with the only reason being, "I liked my job better before". Just thank them for the opportunity and say it turns out that position isn't a good fit for you and you'd be happier in your old position, and that you'd be happy to help find/train your replacement and do your current job with a smile on your face until they can make the transition.

I would recommend giving yourself more time to adjust to your new responsibilities. Having held supervisory and management roles myself in the past, I can tell you they take a bit longer to adjust to than lower positions, due to the phase of figuring out what's really expected of you. In lower responsibility positions, the job you do is the focus, so it's concrete and fairly easy to adjust to the demands. When managing others, you have to learn how to manage each person, each department, so that will take a while.

Just keep in mind that this challenge, should you overcome it, will define further career pursuits and also will make you more comfortable in such roles.

Or lead you to a nervous breakdown. (joking) Really, it does sound like it is temporary stress which will subside as you learn your role better.

Also, I worked at a chain coffee place for about 5 years, it taught me soooo much about people that now, as a line cook, I actually do okay and get along well with people that are notoriously hard to get along with (fellow cooks). It's a perspective thing. It definitely helps.

Keep at it, get some routines down that help communication, you sound very smart and probably don't need advice on exactly how to do that but in case you do, I would suggest to try to hold meetings and write things down. (I think you most likely already do that), just saying to cover it.

Good luck! Keep us posted.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words and solid advice! I now think it's probably not a good idea to disclose. I was just stressed and I felt the need to detail to my employer why this new position wasn't working out. Paris, you are spot on. This afternoon, I've been reading up on this kind of scenario (stepping down from management) and it seems to be pretty common. Instead of disclosing, I can simply write a letter to HR requesting the change and explaining that I would be better suited to my old job. I still think I'll take a few days to consider my approach and see what makes sense. Having been unemployed before, I really don't want to ruffle too many feathers.

I don't think anything good will come from disclosing. I'm positive you need a break from the situation so you can reflect on what to do next. Do you think there's a chance that you can handle it if you just reorganize how you do things? If not, then the other posters are right, it's better for all parties involved that you step down. If I'm reading this right and this is your first job out of school, then they should understand why you weren't ready for the position.

Honestly, I think one's employer shouldn't ever know about one's disabilities. If one requires accommodations in the job, Human Resources is the right place to go. They can arrange for the accommodations without disclosing the nature of the disability to one's direct supervisor. I have disclosed before and lived to regret it.

I'm sure the others offered good advice here and all i can say is do what you feel is right in your heart and what makes you happy. I know at my last job, they had me pegged as an Aspie. Well, I'm a self diagnosed Aspie, but I was tested for autism as a kid and going over my records most likely if Aspergers was more understood in the early 1970's, 99% I would have been diagnosed as such.

I think there were other factors at work but I lost my position, they brought someone else in and they spent more time training him than me. I felt like I was supposed to work from outside the box. Aspergers or not, people are not USB compatible, you have to spend the time to train and mold them.

I find it depends on the situation. If they ask and I will answer I have Aspergers but it really depends on the situation. By not disclosing it is your right to privacy. Most people think autism and aspie is one thing when it is not. I am looking for the job. It is not ideal situation the economy but right now it is going get better at very slow pace. If the job views Asperger as positive then I disclose but it not required in a last job so I did not.

Hey there, Planteater,

I just went through a similar experience last year, and have a thread about aspie managers and supervisors here. I think that soft disclosures are the way to go. Do not use the word disability... you can just talk about your style instead. I did a soft disclosure with my manager this year that worked out well, and if necessary, it can be done at a performance review, if you ever still get one, or during a meeting that you have with your direct supervisor. Always be prepared to have thought through solutions, like ' I find I work faster when ... would x be a possibility?'

Personally, I advocate for not using a label. If people want ammunition, they will use it when they can, and not always in your best interest.

I gather your in the US, I'm in the UK. I sort of see where your coming from and although I have not been diagnosed with anything I find "management" type stuff hard as I'm more of a solve problem type. I don't know what trends are like but people are people and no matter what laws are in place laws can't change human nature.

Only you can judge how they may react. Personally I'd not bother getting myself tested (I'm 29) but i tend to know now what I am and am not capable of, and yes I stress over work too.