How to control my temper at work?

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Beck27
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09 Jan 2013, 9:16 pm

I work with a client who annoys me and makes me so angry and stressed, I've become physically sick. I've asked my supervisor to transfer me to a new client to work with but he said no. My current client has personality disorders and my job is to integrate her into the community. The problem is, she doesn't want to do anything. She's told me that she's lazy and wants to stay home all day and watch t.v. The program that I work with her in is completely voluntary. She can leave whenever she wants. I have been looking for a new job but so far the search has been unsuccessful. How can I control my anger at work? Sometimes I feel like screaming at my client and telling her I hate her (but of course i don't). I also think my client is faking a lot of her symptoms to get attention from her caregivers because she acts different when different people are around to get sympathy. I once asked her if she was putting on an act and she got upset with me and spit at my feet. I have been trying to 'self-edit' myself at work but it is very difficult. Anyone ever find themselves having trouble controlling their temper at work?



MountainLaurel
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09 Jan 2013, 11:05 pm

I have done a lot of psychological work with my anger and have come to realize that; while feeling anger in response to a situation is involuntary, how I act out on it (or not) is a choice and whether or not I hang onto the feeling of anger is a choice. I was reminded of this last night when I saw this short interview video.

You already know some of your client's proclivities. Work towards becoming less emotionally attached to how she plays out her manipulations. Working with folks with personality disorders is best done with a whole lot of boundary setting around your own own behavior and as you are probably discovering; that's a full time job in itself. But it is what it is.

http://www.focusfeatures.com/video/deme ... _woodstock

To me the key phrase in the interview is:
Just that thing of, like, being not mad will get me my result quicker.



LizNY
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10 Jan 2013, 12:15 pm

I struggle a lot with feeling angry at work for several different reasons. I agree with mountainlaurel to try and emotionally remove yourself from this person. Some people hav no respect for others, are out to play the system, and can be absolutely infuriating if we let them. In my job I try to focus on people I can help. if I get the sense they're looking for a human punching bag or are just wasting time and not trying to help themselves, then I try to limit the time I spend with them and try to refer them elsewhere. With some I might even tell them, well it sounds like we can't do anything more for you but keep in touch and let me kno how things go. You mentioned the program is voluntary. Could you say something like that to discourage her? My supervisor is actually really strict about cutting things off if people are just acting out and looking for attention. Or perhaps be more direct and matter of fact? As in, this program is intended to do X, but we can't help you if you don't help yourself. If the purpose of the program is to get her involved in society and she says she doesn't want to, then could you point that out to her? what kind of personality disorder does she hav? I'm guessing she isn't rational, but do you think any of the above might be helpful?


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Beck27
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10 Jan 2013, 12:51 pm

These suggestions are excellent. I am definitely going to implement them at work. I feel a sense of hope that I can choose or not choose to let my client's actions negatively affect me. Thank you



LizNY
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11 Jan 2013, 8:04 pm

Beck27 wrote:
These suggestions are excellent. I am definitely going to implement them at work. I feel a sense of hope that I can choose or not choose to let my client's actions negatively affect me. Thank you


Oh I'm so glad. = ) Post later on how things go. : )


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