Moved into management and struggling a bit

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Hi all

I'm new here so greetings to you all

I have AS, a meeting with a councellor a few years back explained all and since then I've fond myself coping with life a lot better simply because I now 'know' why I do what I do.

I am a carpenter by trade, and over the years I have progressed upwards and onwards, mostly working on listed period properties where a very fine eye and attention to detail are all. My AS traits come in handy there...! However, there is a finite wage limit in carpentry, I reached it, and a little bit of ambition plus the need to earn more to support my family has ended up with me being promoted to actually running entire sites.

I find it immensely stressful telling other people what to do at the best of times and of course a building site is not the most touchy-feely work environment to start with... Organising things, planning, working out technical aspects, ordering materials etc...no problem, but thirty seconds persuading a belligerent plumber to do things my way and not his way will literally leave me on the verge of a breakdown. Does anyone else have this problem? How do you cope? My strategy is to baffle them with science or bore them into submission but sometimes, the only way is aggression and alpha male behavior and I really struggle.

Cheers!

Simon

Greetings!

It's a shame you can't make what you need doing carpentry. I have always avoided management positions. I just can't tell people what to do, I'm a total pushover. Plus I prefer to focus on the details of the task, rather than direct things.

Egos do seem to run strong among tradespeople. I really can't offer any advice, but an appeal to science with an authoritarian air sounds like a good plan.

It helps to be consistently right.

It also helps to realize that Aspies are overly precise. We also read things into the "rules" that just aren't there. It isn't 11.5 inches, it's a foot. Being overly precise dilutes your argument.

This advice is for anyone considering management, regardless if they are aspies or not:

Only go into management if you feel you are ready to assume responsibility, not because you need more money. If you "help" with running the company into the ground, there wont be any pay at all.

There are too many bad managers/bosses out there because of the money factor, they cause more damage than good.

Simon, there is an upside to your situation--or at least there should be. I have managed a library for going on fourteen years now. When I first took over this job, the employees I inherited stressed me at times too. What I had to do was to hire people I could deal with, keeping in mind that they had to be able to get along with me. So, what I would recommend would be to hire people who are willing and able to get along with you.

BTW, if you don't have the ability to hire and fire, you are a supervisor rather than a manager. As such, being a supervisor is a job I wouldn't want.

Hiya

I do have the ability to hire and fire and given the self employed nature of my business I can fire someone there and then on the spot. I did fire someone (about 7 months ago). He was terrible, but I still found it immensely stressful.

My constant rock in situations like this is my wife. She can always take a non AS view on stuff that I encounter at work and offer advice. I'm also incapable of seeing what I do right, therefore have a low opinion of my abilities at time. But I have been told by others that I have an exceptional ability to problem solve, but sometimes fall over on common sense stuff.

I honestly have found "wordyness" and too much talk to be unconvincing to folks; especially men; and more especially men who do concrete types of work. They seem to honestly abhor it. This may be undermining you more than you realize.



No, that is not the only way. I owned a business for 20 years and as a woman, I was completely uninterested in trying to take on alpha male behavior and never tried. I was however, adamant about what I wanted and needed from suppliers and subcontractors, no matter how belligerent.

I always tried to keep my instructions clear and as brief as possible. (I considered that to be a mercy to my workers. The less talk from a woman boss the better.) Once I determined that what I wanted was understood; I was unwilling to argue. To the belligerent, I simply asked; 'Can you do it?' Then I would remain silent and wait for the answer.

I learned very soon after starting my business to forgo anger with those I needed co-operation from. I needed what I needed and asked for it forthrightly without drama. Anyone who presented drama back to me was simply asked, 'Can you do it?' and/or 'Will you do it?' Most could and would 'do it'. As to the few who couldn't/wouldn't; we parted ways; and not too much drama there, either, because once I determined that they did not fit the project, I was utterly uninterested in what they had to say. It was business.

And, yes there were those who could 'do it' and just barely 'would do it' and they bitched the whole while they were 'doing it'. I just ignored the bitching and thanked & payed them when the job was done to my satisfaction. Some of those guys eventually became great co-creators after a time.

Bounce this communication technique off your wife. (The simple, no argument, 'Can/will you do it?' technique.) Ask her whether she thinks it's worth a shot. It won't quill your anxiety in the short run, you'll just have to hold your tongue and feel the fear. But as it (if it) proves to be effective; in the long run; it will save a lot of agita.

Also it's very helpful to remember this; it's not necessary for your workers to admire you; it's only necessary for them to respect the project's process enough to be barely civil and willing to comply. In the long run you are likely to gain more respect with this attitude than if you are actively seeking their approval. You're the boss, period. You don't need to prove it, you just are.

Last edited by MountainLaurel on 28 Feb 2013, 11:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Best things to be are clear but tactful. Do not discuss his work in front of a group of individuals. Likewise, if you are having difficulty with expression, take a moment to think over the meat of what you want to say. Do not respond to his attitude right the moment of as well... give yourself some time to plan your conversation away. Belligerence should not be tolerated. Then again, my worksite is a library, so I can take a day. That does not mean that belligerent people do not work at libraries.

If I were you, I would make certain I knew their contracts, to ensure that they are complying with what is in them. If there is a standard for discipline, you must know it and enforce it. I am a pushover at heart, but not often in practice. At my last job, I saw firsthand that pushovers do not gain respect.