02 May 2017, 9:07 am
....I will never find employment again. 
After years of therapy and fruitless attempts to find work, I was finally given an opportunity by a specialist NHS practice as a business administration apprentice. Yet I only lasted for three months before I handed in my resignation. Despite the fact that they were unbelievably supportive of me and my autistic symptoms, I eventually gave up after making numerous threats to quit during my time there. My mind was often foggy and blank, and in the end I decided it would be in everybody's best interest if I left. It would have been irresponsible of me to continue considering how 'spaced out' I always felt.
Now, two months later, I still feel like crap and I am yet to have any success with the countless job applications I have made.
I know I only have myself to blame, but I don't honestly believe I can do anything anymore. Even though I do have some qualifications (6 GCSEs and 2 A Levels), my brain functions like that of a 2 year old who has severe learning difficulties.
Without wanting to seem inflammatory to those who are employed in such positions, I couldn't even work in a supermarket or a factory without completely screwing up. I cannot solve problems. I use scripting to communicate. I must have auditory processing disorder because verbal instructions are beyond useless. And my reading comprehension is dreadful, too.
I risk losing my only friend (and potential girlfriend) because of the sheer amount of imperfections I have.
I hate myself and my life.
05 May 2017, 9:59 pm
me too
likewise
except I ain't got no precious lil "friends", girlfriend, or boyfriend. so I can't lose him/her them 
yes I get paranoid nobody will ever hire my worthless corpse again
jobs I had in the past: cashier, actor, food server, recordkeeping assistant, real estate intern, accounting intern, data entry clerk
all of them minimum wage type jobs
almost all of them fired me
and besides minimum wage jobs are do not pay enough for room and board
and I could not imagine working any job 40 hours a week. full time. not even the ideal job. and of course, my ideal job is someone else's ideal job. and someone else is skinny, smart, handsome, cisgender, and neurotypical.
now I am 34. the older I get, the more zoned out. spaced out. I get. the more often I zone out. the deeper I zone out, every time I zone out.
likewise, nothing and nobody seems to be worth the energy it takes to interact with them.
and then I get edgy/uptight/anxious. even in the best case scenarios.
so I feel so ashamed that I am functionally useless and vocationally incompetent.
but whatever.
"life" goes on.
