Telling manager I have AS

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Hi. I'm going to be transferred to another division in the same company within a couple of months. Should I tell the manager about the AS? I haven't told anyone yet at work (because I figure it's orthogonal to my work abilities).

However, most of my job (I'm a software engineer) is communication now. Yes, I'm good at programming -- but trying to convey how I did something and doing documentation on everything I did is almost impossible for me. I sometimes don't know how I do it (savant ability?) -- I tend to find myself on automatic pilot a lot!

I have a reputation of being extremely smart, having an unusually strong memory, and knowledgeable about "things" -- too smart for my own good in that I never learned the skills of judgment and filtering things out. I have a dangerous reputation for filing "bugs" -- often more so than many of the applications engineers (though I'm basically a programmer!). I probably find more bugs than the rest of my group put together -- primarily because I think in ways no one else there does. I am insanely good at bug fixing -- very low level stuff, provided that I don't need to know much about the overall design -- and overall design provided that I don't need to worry about implementing anything. I can't seem to bridge the gap.

However, I have poor social skills -- and whenever people seem to get aggressive around me, I stop paying attention a little. This irritates people more, so they get angrier. And so forth: viscious cycle. I often realize I'm in a cycle when this happens, but once it starts I find no way to stop it. The momentum just keeps everything going. Generally, negative feedback makes everything self-destruct.

This definitely sounds like we're running into the AS here. Should I tell the manager to have him play to my strengths? The person I tend to argue with says that "you are never good enough for your job, and if you're not making mistakes (and I tell you about your mistakes with negative feedback) you're making an even bigger mistake. Now go back and fail/make mistakes/screw up. Yes, I know you like fixing things. But we have to ship a product at some point..."

Any help would be appreciated.

ACG

It really depends on the type of person your new boss is. Some people are quite accommodating and will do what they can to support you. Others will view your condition as an unnecessary disruption to their work environment or an excuse for poor behavior. Try to gauge the character of your new boss before considering whether or not to discuss the issue.

I would strongly suggest that you avoid bringing the topic up haphazardly with a person you barely know. If you were to show up the first day explaining that you have a condition that makes it difficult for you to function in social situations, you would be indirectly implying that you view this as a serious problem that may cause your performance at work to be inferior. At the very least, wait until you have worked for the new supervisor long enough to display your strengths.

In most cases, you would be better off to simply try to cooperate as best you can without explicitly mentioning Asperger's Syndrome to anyone. If a problem comes up, don't try to dodge the issue. Depending on the personality of your supervisor, you may wish to explain only the most relevant details of your personality that contributed to the problem instead of stating flatly, "I have a condition known as Asperger's Syndrome that has various symptoms associated with it...etc."

However, if you develop a positive relationship with your supervisor and feel that the person is likely to be supportive of you, explaining the situation can be beneficial to both parties. Building this type of relationship and gauging whether or not you can trust a person takes time, though. Try to avoid rushing into any decision.

I would tend to agree with Jay, give the manager chance to see your strengths before mentioning AS, as it can become an excuse to hound you out.

My story - I had a great supervisor who had a good relationship with me, I felt able to explain that I may have AS (I was undiagnosed at the time) and how it affected my stress levels, performance and social interaction (this was in a call centre). She was supportive and unfailingly helpful and became a good friend, this made it much easier for me to cope with the stress caused by the job.

Unfortunately she went on maternity leave and before she left I was placed in the position of having to advise the general manager of the department that I have AS. The manager was unfortunately willing to pay lip service to equal opportunities but in practice made things very difficult for me after my friend left, it seemed as if she was deliberately being obstructive and playing on my areas of difficulty (mainly reactions to change, visible signs of stress/stimming, 'inflexible attitude' towards shifts) in order to convince me to leave. In the end I became very depressed and had a nervous breakdown caused mainly by the constant pressure to conform I was being placed under.

I'm not sure whether this serves as a cautionary tale or not as I have no idea how else I could have handled the situation.

Good luck

dunc

Some things are better left unsaid. It all depends on who the people are who have power. At my job stocking grocries in a store, where customer service is expected to be of the utmost importance, telling the bosses there that I have a disorder that affects my ability to interact with people would have been death sentence for me at that job, plus the fact that the bosses there were already exploiting my differences.

Bosses for the most part, as I have noticed in my own life, have no interest in hearing about our personal problems, and would also rather not deal with people like us.

If you have managed to survive at your current job, I would not tell. Let your co-workers refer to your aspergers as just another "idiosyncracy", and not something for them grab a hold of and take advantage of.

It makes sense that the boss knows you have a disorder that causes you to not feel comfortable in social situations. The more they know how you act in such jobs means a lot to them and their company.

Some people don't react well to the notion of "disorder".

If you don't want use the term "disorder" (too pejorative), just tell your boss that you're no good talking to people and you think you were more useful / productive / whatever at your previous position. Put it in a way that it's in their best interest too.

You've got to use your judgement for this one, it's up to you really.

There's a problem with "going back to the old position": the old position is basically going to be outsourced to India. I'm also a bit concerned that if I tell my manager that I have a "limit" he'll consider me incompetent and lay me off. I'm probably paranoid about that though.

I get pretty nervous there: I just got a call from my mother saying a friend of the family had died (I wasn't THAT close with her). It didn't even OCCUR to me to go to the funeral because I can't take work off -- for the simple reason I don't want anyone to think I'm "lazy".

My life coach says I should disclose. My mother claims I'm probably high-functioning enough that disclosing will make me seem more disfunctional than I actually am (I may be able to do some things that someone less healthy may not be able to). I'm also VERY leery of disclosing for the simple reason that I'll probably start using the AS as a crutch (I'll refuse to do something because "I have AS so it's impossible").

ACG

Thats a pretty tough situation. Do you have an official DX? If not I agree that you need to tread carefully if disability discrimination laws would not apply - it might be worth checking your rights out. Without knowing what the culture of your company is like and your manager's personality assuming they have one.... only thing I can see is if you do in fact have a limit and you don't disclose, they are more likely to view problems caused by AS characteristics negatively.

My mum claims I am too - of course she has never acknowledged how much support I have needed since finishing school, so how the hell can parents tell? You may be pretty comfortable at home, but how do you react to interpersonal or sensory stress - and how does that affect your work performance? You are the best person to judge that really. Being intelligent and having superior skills in some areas doesn't preclude problems caused by AS in other aspects of work and the work environment.

As for using AS as a crutch, I found that a problem when I first self-diagnosed a couple of years ago - it seems (to me) mainly a question of self awareness, which grows as you become more conscious of what does actually cause you difficulties - as you become more aware of how AS affects you this should become less likely (because you would know you were taking the piss, and wouldn't want to make life difficult for yourself would you? )

I hope you manage to get the situation sorted out ACG.

dunc

My experience with working for others affirms what someone told me a very long time ago: 'The less they know about your life outside of work the better.' In general, those who are different are going to risk their jobs if they say more than they have to about their personal lives. I would not advise you to disclose having AS to your new boss. The possible upside is not worth the possible downside, in my opinion. The situation may arise when you have to disclose it, but until then, why risk a bad outcome?

I've never mentioned it at work, because I am afraid it will cause more harm than good. When it comes time for cutbacks, they may find some reason to let me go (a lot of good people have been laid off by my employer over the past few years) and I do not want to be singled out. I should say that I am almost paranoid about my AS tendencies to the point that I never talk about it with anyone except my wife.

I'm very afraid that, as an adult, it will be used against me and there will be no net to catch me (and the wife and son who depend on me to bring in the money for the family). The state I live in allows you to be fired for no cause. That means it would be very hard to prove discrimination. I consider myself lucky that nobody gave me a diagnosis as a kid, despite my mother having me 'screened' a few times, and even though I was bullied I had other kids who would stand up for me. I might get hung out to dry as an adult, though, in a society where people are generally only looking out for themselves. Even if it might make some things easier for me, the fear of the negatives requires that I keep my mouth shut about it.

Tekneek, I hear exactly what you are saying and agree. One can easily be fired, or better yet, forced to quit. I lost my career position, probably because of my AS-related social awkwardness. The boss simply humiliated me by taking away my supervisory role, then my responsibilities, then leaving me with nothing to do. The game is rigged in favor of corporations. One needs to be savvy of the rules. With the emphasis on teamwork, it can be hard for someone labeled AS to even get an interview.

Most people still think AS/autism is a mental illness. Even if you explain it isn't, people don't take the time to research it. My 14 year old brother thought I was mentally ill when I told him that I am autistic. He looked at me differently (I think). My Mother explained it is how my brain is wired and does not mean I am mentally ill. He gets it now.

After having been formerly diagnosed, I have decided not to tell anyone, because of the pervasive misconceptions facing an AS person.

Good luck!
Tallgirl

I won´t advise. I never tell more about my self then is strictly necessary.
You have to consider: Maybe this manager understands me, but what about the next one?

You definitly should read some books about "Dilbert" (humour)
What your boss knows about you:

1) How you look like
2) How many hours you are at the office

I'd say don't. The general trend with jobs is that they demand "people skills" to a greater degree now, and recalling what I remember learning in my business classes at college regarding discrimination law, companies CAN fire/refuse to hire someone with a label IF they can claim "the person's condition would affect what's needed from someone with that job." Since most any job nowadays that's not being outsourced to China or India requires more interpersonal interaction now than in the past (or, if employers want to have a 100% NT perky empathetically social workforce, can be manipulated to look that way), they'd be able to dismiss you "because s/he didn't have people skills and we need people people." Even if the job really doesn't.

I've also heard horror stories of people with conditions as mild as ADHD being fired at the first crack of a problem after disclosing their label to their employer. If they don't require you to say it, keep your options open by not saying!

What does 700 have to do with leet?

700 is supposed to be "too", which in itself is wrong!

bloody hell, people stealing the old "There are 10 types of people in the world, those who can understand binary and those who can't"