ugh

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seriously. Two-hour meeting that resulted in, I think, something nice and more security/enrollment for my class, but I could not keep up with the swirl of politics and felt ill/verge of tears by the time I left. I'm starting to think that as drudging as freelance can be, it's actually better for me than university work is. I -- well, I do understand these people, and I'm not one of them.

You got the results you wanted; isn't that what's most important?

Actually I'd thought it was just a "getting to know you" meeting, but it turns out there's $5 million at stake, and a bunch of writers/teachers jockeying for it, which under any other circumstances would be a boring sort of farce. These guys wanted to meet me because, as it turns out, I'm useful to them and their "side", and they want to start pulling some of the $5M in their direction. They were essentially trying to get me and my syllabus on their team. I have no idea what the backchannel politics are and I don't care, it's not worth it. So I told the main guy that yeah, I'm willing to look at listing my course as one that can be used in their minor program, and then gave him a long spiel about how I'm totally useless and possibly dangerous politically because I'm a loose cannon, not an academic, not a natural member of any existing team, grossly impolitic, and -- you know. Useless. Whatever, he just wants my class on his list, it's useful for something. Which isn't a great feeling. And at this point frankly I'm fed up with the whole business. These guys are all ten, 15 years younger than me, the worst thing that's happened to any of them is a bad grade, and the whole scene is childish as hell.

I don't like any of these people. It seems to me (lately, again, like I needed to learn this again) that serious people don't go to live in universities.

I guess they're seeking the Ivory Tower. A separation from the common folk.

Sometimes, I seek it as well--but I don't want to become immersed in it--it's fake, and even worse--it's a microcosm of real life multiplied by a lot. They seek, in the Ivory Tower, to escape petty politics--but here they are, immersed in petty politics to the bone. I could understand it being frustrating to one who is, essentially, an idealist (not in a bad sense).

WelI, I need to find something else. I've been there long enough now that I can't avoid seeing what the problem is anymore, and it's not that they want to raise themselves above politics, it's that they're desperate to be academics and mostly not very good at what they do, and they're producing the educational equivalent of $400/box Cheerios. Taking absolutely mediocre students, charging them very large money, and turning them out slightly less terrible and a lot poorer. The "everyone is a beautiful talent" talk is bolstered by tiresome academic marxism which allows them to feel righteous while scamming the students. So if you come in and look at the student projects and blink at the instructors and say, "But this is a bunch of banal crap tarted up by a web-design slave who's also not especially talented, why've you brought out all the streamers and confetti," they get very angry.

It's not the right place for me and I need to collect myself and get out.