Post-Traumatic Stress Help

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Hello,

I am looking for some advice. I am a 21 year old diagnosed with Asperger's, and have been unemployed for over a year. It all started when I was harassed at work while working as a software developer.

I graduated with the top mark in my class in computer science. Computer programming was always a passion of mine, and having a job where I get to write code all day seemed like a dream. I didn't realize my dream would turn into a nightmare.

While working as a developer, people would poke fun at me for being socially awkward, call me autistic (even when I didn't reveal this), and call me a b*tch, ret*d, and many, many, worse things. My boss would not talk to any females, and when I asked him for help, he refused to do anything. He would also insult and ask his employees to verbally attack people when a task wasn't completed properly. I went through this for six months, until I gathered up the chat logs (everything from my co-workers calling me a b*tch to my boss calling his employees "stupid dog f*ckers"), and went to unemployment--I won. The problem was, because I had quit my job, people assumed that I hated programming. On top of that, my boss is the president of the main company in my area, which gathers all other IT companies. In other words, I can no longer get a job in my area.

The amount of post-traumatic stress I experience is awful. I can't write code without crying anymore--it triggers so many bad memories. I have been unemployed, and don't know what to do. I feel like I have no where to go--I feel useless, and I'm worried about rent this month. If anyone can give me advice for dealing with post-traumatic stress, or even recommendations for other jobs, it would be greatly appreciated.

This confirms all too many suspicions of mine - seems to me, the majority of software companies the world over delude themselves into believing humans are disposable. My PTSD stems from very different circumstances but I know its' made coding a challenge for me too. I'm also concerned with finding a way to pay rent, I'd be happy to assist with TDD & refactoring if you're into any freelance work. I'm a longtime Mozillan tester, happy in Linux and I worked in a mobile startup which was almost as calloused. As for relaxing in the face of bad memories, what helps me is breathing with my abdominal muscles (takes some concentration) and drinking lots of good tea.

I'll pin this thread. The other thing that helps is friends.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos