Freaked out by LinkedIn connection request

Post Reply New Topic

I just got a connection request on LinkedIn from somebody I worked with 15 years ago. I had not thought of him at all for years. At the time, he and I were both doing Java development.

What freaked me out was that, he apparently was let go from a job around the same time I was laid off, during the Global Economic Downturn. Unlike me, he hasn't worked since (I can imagine he's delivered pizzas etc. but it's not on LinkedIn). To be honest, I have felt there was some luck involved in my having recovered from my layoff several years ago. So I can't help wondering if his luck was just worse than mine. I will say that his LinkedIn headline (Software Professional) is really bad, you need to be more specific if you want to attract attention.

I don't think I need to explain why this makes me uncomfortable, but I am ashamed that I haven't yet honored his connection request. He and I do have one acquaintance in common with whom I have been in recent contact. I think I will reach out to that person to find out what he knows, but I don't really know what that will accomplish.

Well he's not in a good situation and I feel some guilt about it. I'm sure some people will understand. Just wanted to vent.

If you can help him get his foot in the door to a job interview, then this would be a Very Good Thing.

But if he's just going to hit you up for a series of "loans", then maybe not.

Like Facebook, the whole purpose of LinkedIn is to map (in other words, track, trace and database) individuals and ALL their personal and professional connections.

It is very likely that your former co-worker didn't send you the e-mail message. Don't play along. Ignore it.

I wouldn't recommend turning down a LinkedIn request from someone you know, unless you have some personal beef with him, or know he has a toxic personality.

Doesn't matter if he's unemployed or unemployable. It's possible one of his contacts might offer you your next dream job. Maybe he'll turn his life around, start a company and offer you a job himself. You lose nothing by connecting to him.

It's quite likely once connected he won't ask for anything, and just wants to grow his network. And if he does want something from you, nothing is forcing you to agree to it.

Well like I said I'm ashamed of myself, but I'll probably accept the connection today.

It's just that this particular connection request aroused old anxieties that I've tried to put behind me in the last several years.

You are under no obligation to accept this - even though it was likely generated through common details on their system. It is the same with Facebook, I have virtually no 'friends' on there and often get prompts to 'friend' people who made my life a misery when I was young - to hell with that! Don't put yourself in a position of anxiety if you don't have/want to; there is no real social contract here. If you had wanted to remain friends with this person you would have done so. You have to think of yourself and your well-being first and if push comes to shove then ignore it. You can always claim the request didn't make it through your spam filter if you are ever challenged.

I agree with the above. You're under no obligation to respond.

I wish there was a way you could determine if it was actually HIM who wrote the email. He just might need "networking" connections. Networking is vital these days when it comes to jobs.

Urgh! The dreaded 'Networking' right up there with 'Team Player' makes my blood run cold.

I get lots of requests through linkedin via my work email and delete all of them, I view most of them as spam to be honest. I know they are computer generated as I don't have an account myself, so wouldn't be able to accept even if I wanted too!

That said, guidance in the workplace around networking and acceptance training for employers that clarifies that there are many ways to be a 'team player' (ones that don't require you to attend a crowded pub and drink until you fall over or vomit with a group of people you have nothing in common with) would help an awful lot of us negotiate the employment minefield.

No LOL

I don't mean that kind of "networking."

I'm not a "team player" myself!

I mean...exposure through such things as Linked. Or something like that.

I'm VERY skillful at what I do.....but it took me about 6 months to get a second job. I did not expose myself through Linked or something similar.

I could understand if somebody's reluctant, though....really I could.

But resumes/CV's tend to be thrown away unless you "know" somebody. I have 30-plus years CONSISTENT experience in what I do...but I got resumes thrown out left and right.

Did this person ever have your current email? When someone first signs up to LinkedIn or Facebook, they're nudged to build their network or friends list by mining their email account which can generate friend requests like this.

Anyway, I can kind of relate since I was let go from a job and it's taking forever to get another career going. I might finally be catching a break with a tech job lead, but I've never really benefited from my LinkedIn.

Ah! I see! That makes more sense.

I am awful at CV's as I always end up putting too much info in - well it may be important after all! I had a few sessions with an employment support agency who gave me some tips but they couldn't do much else for me as they could only place me in minimum wage jobs for which I was way too qualified. Madness.

I found a strange fact which helped some of my colleagues with a funding bid when I pointed out that there are more unemployed Aspies/Auties in the UK than there are people of the Jewish Faith. We get all kinds of right wing propaganda about immigration in parts of our press, but by using the UK Govt stats of 1:100 are on the spectrum - which I think is way too high - if we were a separate nationality (The Democratic Republic of Autismia), we would be the third largest minority community in the country. How can we still be ignored?

I don't think keeping a closely guarded and trimmed circle on LinkedIn makes for a good networking strategy. I would accept every legitimate (and non-toxic) connection request that comes my way. After all, why not?

Well I did accept the connection request. Anyway, I have never received a LI connection request from anyone that didn't actually send it. My only real complaint is recruiters who send connection requests in place of regular messages.