Awkward Work Environment

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Hi everyone,

I have been working in an office for just under a year. I usually don't talk to my co-workers or boss unless its something work related. I've tried to talk with them in non-work related conversations but it usually doesn't go very well and it just seems to make things awkward. They joke around and have interests that aren't in line with mine, and they don't seem to be very interested in what I have to say, so I usually just stay quiet and try to become invisible.

Lately I feel that there may be some misunderstandings and I think its possible they may feel I hate them or something, when that's not the case. It's really that I have nothing to say and their jokes and teasing just don't make sense to me. My boss has been saying some comments that to me seem to suggest he thinks I hate him or something, so I wrote him and told him I have AS and explained that if he thinks I hate him or something that I don't. I was hoping to clear up any misunderstandings but maybe I just created more as now it seems like things are even more awkward.. perhaps it was a mistake saying anything at all.

For those of you working at a job outside your home, have you told your boss or any of your co-workers about your diagnosis? Why? How has it affected your experience working there?

Hi bright......

I was working someplace until about two weeks ago, when I received my termination notice. I felt somewhat the same way. At both of my interviews at my most recent place of employment, I disclosed having AS. The director and managers of the department seemed to be accepting of me. From there, the rest of both interviews went really well. Thought I was on my way to establishing myself as an accountant. After completing training, I was assigned to a new manager who had been promoted from a senior level accountant to manager. Bad match, big mistake. I needed someone who was a more experienced manager, but didn't have any say in the matter of course. I was told, "You are more mature, and we think you could work well with this person."

Then, I told a manager a few months later about my diagnosis. She told me, "I don't see you as someone who has autism, but as someone who has the skill set necessary to succeed in this position." I didn't say anything. Couldn't understand why someone would say something like that. To tell me that having autism doesn't matter was nice because it put me on an even playing field of sorts with the other accountants. On the other hand, telling me autism doesn't matter is like saying who cares you have autism.

Only told one coworker about it. She was affirming to me about it, which was good. I got along with other coworkers fine, but usually talked with no more than few people in my department - especially the newer accountants than me at the time.

Not sure if I would ever disclose having AS at an interview or telling a future coworker about having AS.

Scott

Hi there brightmorning

I work a data entry job and have an Asperger's/ASD diagnosis. I haven't told anyone there because I fear some form of retribution ... which would most likely come in the form of a demotion, or I wouldn't be able to transfer jobs. (I would like to do some technical writing or editing).

For me disclosing will come down to a last resort type of situation ... i.e. will disclosure make it any worse? I have a lot of awkward exchanges with my co-workers and mostly keep to myself, but I try to embrace the awkwardness or run with an attitude of "I'm awkward, but so what." I couldn't tell you if my co-workers like me or not, but I like to think they do. No one's gone complaining to any of the managers ... so I take that as a good sign.

That being said, I'd prefer to disclose my diagnosis, but for the time being I won't. I hope your disclosure helps your situation. I would like to hear if it works out or it improves your work environment.

I try not to disclose any more than absolutely necessary to anybody, regardless of how personable or trustworthy they may seem to be. In many cases people will sell you out so quickly it'll make your head spin if it has a remote possibility of benefiting them in some way.

I'm not generally as cynical a person as the above might imply, but for real, in any "professional" setting I have never directly gained something from discussing personal information of any kind beyond the most basic "get-to-know-you" pieces. Obviously this isn't the case in every job on earth, but as far as I'm concerned, better safe than sorry.

Hi guys! Thanks for the replies.

So far it seems like disclosing it hasn't exactly helped in any way like I hoped it would. It actually seems to have made things a little more awkward as now I have no idea if he thinks any less of me or my abilities, or how it may impact things in the future. It doesn't seem to have changed anything really for better or for worse.. its still just as awkward as it was before. My boss is such a mystery to me, so I don't know what to expect. I'm assuming my job is safe, that is until he finds someone better than me, but thankfully that should prove difficult in these parts.

That said.. my advice for others is to not tell anyone you work with unless it is absolutely necessary. It doesn't seem to help unless they have it too.

Well, that's another lesson I learned the hard way. At least I still have a job.. for now.

Oh, so, awkward. Every job I've had had been like that, except my last one. I worked with mostly engineers, almost all male, much older than me, and usually in basements and other sparsely populated places.
My current job is the first time since I was a teenager that I've worked around women my own age. Everyone's very nice, and they accept that I'm useless in discussions of sports and shopping and clubs and popular restaurants and reality TV... but, I'm great if they want to know about computers or home cooking methods.
As we've hired more people and crammed them into our area, I've really had a hard time dealing with the noise and the chatter and the ear-piercingly annoying baby talk from the two youngest. The increase in conversations around me (though most are work related) has made it harder for me to work up the usual appropriate small talk that's expected of me. A couple times I've frozen up and been unable to talk... the most recent time was last week in front of the owner of my company.
My manager knows the noise bothers me and recently he sat me down and gave me an opportunity to declare myself formally with the company... So, I know he knows... He just doesn't know because I've told him.
But... after hearing from folks in here, I feel just as strongly that I don't want to (not that I would actively discourage someone else from doing so)...

BUT, again, props to my good boss, he's working on getting me a permanent white noise machine. (We work in the department that procures these, I believe a business case or dr note would be required in other departments. I've been "testing" a unit for the past couple weeks.)

Anyway, best of luck dealing. It's all always weird, but, I do good work and the people I work with are nice and they're getting used to my deadpan replies, then my trailing smile as I remind myself that people expect that. Ha.