Inability to learn and intellectual retardation?

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There is one thing that I don't understand. I would never have thought that I have an intellectual retardation, because the personnel manager assumes that - because of autism - I have not an ability to learn. My boss (team manager) thinks that I need to be kept an eye on, because he thinks I am not able to plan my tasks during the job day. He still thinks that I need support in this, although I arrange a lot of things myself.

I have a different thinking pattern, see things totally different, so I would not be able to learn anything. For you it maybe striking, because if he would be right, I would not be able to write this in English (not English but Dutch is my mother tongue).

There will be differences of working locations because my current working environment will be split up in three locations. I would like to learn system management, handling the incoming telephone calls, ICT, secretary work, bookkeeping of the cash (I learned that a long while ago and I apply this on my own financial situation to keep track on it), and if necessary, I will be willing to learn new things. But I know that my boss will think that is useless, because of my learning disability.

My intelligence have been examined several times. Mental retardation was only discovered when I was 18 months old. Autism spectrum disorder with a (very) high intelligence was discovered when I was 4 and when I was 30. There was a third time, where I don't remember my age. Now I am 48 years old. I would never think that I would not be able to learn.

Of course I could discuss this with my boss, but it is possible that he thinks that I don't face the truth, because of my autistic point of view.

(I lost access to my previous account, so I created a new account: new username and a new password).

Obviously, you don't have an intellectual disability.

I would walk in to the boss's office, and ask him for some feedback about how you're doing.

What is your occupation, anyway?

I work at school for pupils between 14 and 18 years old. My job consists of copying documents, sometimes parts of books, sometimes distributing posting stuff, cleaning dishes, administration of absence of pupils (being ill, visiting the doctor or dentist, truancy, etc.) but I would like to do more meaningful stuff, more appropriate to my intellect such as system management, programming, other areas of administration such as bookkeeping.

My boss told me: everything goes right as long as you get support, when others tell you in what order you do your tasks. You just need someone that keeps an eye on you and on the tasks to do. In reality, it rarely still happens. There are several people that give my tasks, requests. Sometimes they give a deadline (the task must be completed, put in their internal mailbox or must be taken away from my office after getting an internal aknowledgment mail that says that the task is completed and can be claimed immediately). If they don't give a deadline, I will ask for it. Tasks with a far deadline or no deadline will be completed in order of date/time receiving them, and other tasks will be completed in order of deadline date/time. So I can arrange that all by myself.

I can relate well with other colleagues. I am pretty friendly (I have some humor), but sometimes I notice that I say and do stupid things that never have serious consequences for my job or for other colleagues.

I am very strict on time related things. When I must do something at a specific time (starting distributing the post or doing the dishes, or be present on time to start working), it will be exactly on that time. It almost never happens that I do it 2 minutes too early or too late.

Still my boss thinks that other things, closer to my assumed intelligence is not for me. Things can go wrong because of lack of support, in his eyes. But what on earth do I need support for?

He also don't understand that I can arrange my own holidays as far as they are abroad (arranging a hotel, flying tickets, travelling scheme in my own country and in the country that I visit and the like). Mostly I go to a European country (I live in the Netherlands) and sometimes I go outside Europe (South Africa or the United States). I live nearly independently in a rental house and I independently can resolve small problems that I face.

I am heavily discouraged to try to change things, but this frustrates me a lot.

I know it's frustrating when you KNOW you could do more, independently, than what your boss, your parents, or anybody thinks!

I wish there was a way for you to convince your boss, through actions, that you're capable of MORE.

I have only some support of my parents and some colleagues. They do think highly of me. They also say that I should be more assertive (also what you suggested, Kraftiekortie) but I have lost any of that courage for several years. I end up with thinking, that others keep on thinking what they want to think, whatever it costs.

The rest of the people find me strange and show just a little respect. They think you can't have a meaningful conversation or chat with me. That could be partly true, because when they are talking with me, they are easily distracted and stop listening, which I don't notice. A few people take more effort to conversate normally with me.

In the meantime I look for some psychological support, maybe a psychiatrist. I feel being wasted, at least my intelligence is wasted. I don't have meds, but if necessary, I will happily take them.

Here is my honest opinion: If you are functioning well enough to keep a job, I wouldn't start taking medicine. Some medicines are physically addictive; others are psychologically addictive.

From what you've told me, you seem to be functioning at least okay without meds.

I'll tell you something: I've been on my job 34 years, and I've had quite a few "bosses." Some of them thought I was "mentally defective" in some way, "crazy," or "weird." I proved them wrong through the quality of my work.

I think, over time, once your boss knows you could be relied upon, that he'll think differently of you.

I doubt, whether he will think different of me after some time, since autism is a life-long condition and "support" (even if I don't notice it) is always needed, he thinks.

My work is at least sufficient but often very good; I almost never hear complains of my colleagues that my work is insufficient or has been completed too late. If I am good at copying, it doesn't mean for him I am good at system management in the same way. That doesn't prove a thing to him. He isn't easily convinced about my qualities.

I think you've mentioned this before: but how long have you been working there?

I have been working there about 21 years. In the beginning I did need some support to organize the tasks to be done. Somehow other people see what has to be done first, and what has to be done next, something that I didn't see at first glance. I learned that later on, but I must know the deadline to help organizing. Something that others magically see.

Later on I learned organizing things myself, but my boss didn't notice that. I don't know how to make him noticing that, but I have already given up. I wish things were different.

I do too, sir.

You've been there quite a while! I think your boss is kind of a dummy! Obviously, if somebody could do a job for 21 years, that somebody should be one who can be relied upon.

I think he uses your alleged "need for support" as kind of a psychological thing in order to "control you" in some way, and also to boost his ego.

I hope he retires soon, so you could get a more progressive boss who understands people better, and appreciates the many years of effort you put into your company.

Today I have discussed this with my former group home staff member. It is a while ago that I moved from a group home to a rental house and manage all the things myself. There are a few things for which I can rely on the staff member.

She agrees that I could follow some courses about ICT (Information and Communication Technology, i.e. computer science), or more specifically: system management, network management, application management, or on the area of administration: bookkeeping of cash money. About bookkeeping I apply it on my own money (this way I have an excellent overview on my home finances; that way I can see I can afford something new).

Depending on the level, the length (how many months does it take) the courses are payable or outright expensive. Some courses cost a few hundred euros (a few hundred euros I can easily and happily pay), but there are some that cost a few thousands of euros, which I am not very willing to pay. I can't rely on my boss, because he will see it as a waste of money. He still thinks, I am not able to learn anything substantial.

The former staff member of my earlier group home says: "If you successfully pass through a secific course's exam and get a diploma, your boss must be convinced about your intelligence. He cannot longer deny it, or cannot longer stick to his current beliefs."

These courses end with an exam, with a certificate or a diploma as a clear proof that you possess the skills.

If you could afford it, I would try to get a certificate in something.

You actually are a good example for others to look up to. You have kept a job for 21 years....a great accomplishment!

I'm glad you know you're better than your boss thinks you are.

I have to give additional information. The current job I have has some history. Long before I had this job I was unemployed. Because of ASD I had no chance to get a regular job. The Social Service decided to create subsided jobs, which means that for the job the part of the salary is paid by the employer, and the other part is paid by the Social Service. This also has some requirements. The person in case (me) must have no chance to get a regular job, and there must be a diagnosis of a disability, for example (and in my case) ASD, and an inability to learn or to acquire more knowledge to have higher chance in the pool of people, looking for a job.

Not only me, but other people that had no chance to get a regular job, got in a similar arrangement. Only a few are gone now (are no longer my colleagues), the rest got a regular job by the boss where they were working, with the exception of me. I am in the same situation, although my financial situation is very good (because I live alone in a pretty cheap house). I am afraid to destroy that.

If I question my inability to learn, I think there may rise some problems. I would no longer be eligible to have this job and will likely get fired. The Soial Service may interpret that the boss and I were lying about my disability. The psychologist OTOH still has the diagnosis of ASD, but also diagnosed my high level of intelligence, and therefore the ability to arrange many important things in my live on my own.

This is tricky. But maybe it is not as bad as I am writing here; I don't know.

I get what you mean. This makes sense. Just don't believe, in yourself, what your boss believes about yourself.

I have browsed on in the internet for courses which I could do, and may be interesting for the school and how much they cost. Courses about basics about bookkeeping and modern administration for companies are not too expensive (547 and 933 euros). Secretary and advanced bookkeeping (which also includes basics) costs more oney: 1200 and 1434 euros.

Courses about computers are way more expansive: network, system and application management. A MCSA course for Windows Server 2012 R2 is about 8,000 euros! I could also do a database course. I have some knowledge about database programming and data model design. I have no certificates, but I have dabbled with Microsoft Access and tutorials on Youtube.

I think bookkeeping, especially ADP-type bookkeeping (not just ADP, but programs like it) would be useful.