Did another stupid thing at work today

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We're getting a new insurance carrier so we had to fill out new sheets for benefits. I didn't attend the benefits meeting due to having to answer phones and be at the front desk, but I did get the forms ahead of time. I don't know if going to the meeting would have avoided this or not.

I had to fill out a form that had various kinds of life insurance, dismemberment insurance, etc. Because of the way I am I have no beneficiary. My parents are dead, I have no siblings and no spouse or partner, and no friends. I always freak out when I have to do a form like this, but I saw there were yes and no boxes for these types of benefits, so I thought if I checked "No", I wouldn't have to fill in a beneficiary.

I brought my forms to the HR person, who sits next to someone else and behind the regular receptionist, so there were at least 2 people nearby. She said "What about the beneficiary"? I freaked out, inside anyway. I should have just asked her to step into a private area right then and there, but I don't think well on my feet in those situations. I said "I don't have anyone--could we kind of not talk about this right now, it's kind of embarrassing". She said I could use a charity then, all the time in full voice. I just didn't want tto have to research a charity in one day--I'm really stressed out by things that are going on at work and I just want to go home and forget about it. I know that's terrible and maybe in the future I will be able to find a charity for this, but not in one day.

Anyway, she then sent me this email:

"if you are concerned about speaking on a given subject, it’s probably best if you take me aside instead of walking into my cube with the forms. Because honestly, I don’t really know from person-to-person what is a concern and what isn’t. I will submit the forms for you, and we will see if they will accept it. Or perhaps you would prefer to simply waive the coverage? I will ask if we can do that. Thanks."

I felt and still feel terrible!! ! I didn't know that doing the form that way would be a problem. I used to fill in an aunt's name but she passed away years ago.

I sent this email back:

"I’m so sorry! I didn’t understand that there would be a problem with my filling the form that way! I thought if I checked “no” on all the insurance boxes, that would indicate I wasn’t wanting any of the insurances and that then I wouldn’t need a beneficiary!! Sorry for the misunderstanding. I didn’t mean to act annoyed or anything—I was just shocked that there was a problem and yeah, I didn’t want anyone other than to know I didn’t have a beneficiary—that is a little embarrassing and no one’s business. But had I not misunderstood and thought that checking No would mean I didn’t have to fill that part out, I wouldn’t have been shocked.

What I’m trying to say is: If I had thought that not filling in that part was a problem, I would have asked if we could speak privately. I thought I had filled the forms out correctly. I should have immediately asked to speak privately, I guess, but I don’t think on my feet well in situations like that. I’m really sorry that I put you on the spot.

Please see if they could waive that part of the coverage—that would be great. "

Then she sent this:
"This is standard coverage for everyone, included with employment. It’s not like the medical, where you can opt out. I will check and see if you can waive it. Thanks."

So I sent this:
"I didn’t realize this and I’m very sorry to have made trouble. I really am—I just didn’t realize or I would have asked you to step into a private area. "

I don't know what to do! I don't know how much of a problem it is or how mad she is at me--she doesn't sit near me and I'm afraid to talk to her now. I should probably just quit, but I need the job. The thing is, I did make some trouble last week--I asked her if there was any way that they could consider moving me out of the backup receptionist position (which jsut started up again last week) as I didn't think I was suited for it and had alreayd made a couple mistakes in about an hour. She was very definite that they could not, and furthermore that I was told I'd be doign that when I was hired, and the only reason that it was taken away from me was because they created another positon for someone, but that person since left. (In other words, though she didn't say it--suck it up or quit.) She was already disgusted with me and I don't blame her, because I should have known that I didnt' have a choice about the backup receptionist (even though when my boss mentioned it the week before she made it kind of sound like I had a choice, but I was afraid to explore that at the time). I dont' konw why I have such an awful sense of entitlement at this job and everywhere else. Everyone has to do stuff they don't like.

I really, really feel bad that I made her look bad and made it seem like she was invading my privacy. I really did not mean to do that.



"

Don't quit!! !

I doubt she's angry, either, really. I suspect she was caught unawares, maybe never had the situation come up before. Many people have difficulty responding to unfamiliar situations, not just aspies. That she responded via email suggests to me that she recognized your discomfort and wanted to give you guidelines to use in future. Guidelines, not criticism.

As back-up receptionist it would be appropriate to ask the usual receptionist how s/he would handle certain situations, then you could make notes. There might be some fact sheets or company literature available that would give you some foundational knowledge. The regular receptionist had to start with no knowledge, too! If s/he seems comfortable in the job you might pay him/her a compliment along the lines of: "You seem really comfortable doing this job. When I'm filling in I'd like to be able to do it as well as you do. Do you have any tips or suggestions for me? I seem to have messed up a bit and I don't want to again."

If it's not just a lack of actual facts and office procedures that caused you difficulty, but an attitude or process thing about customer service in general, google 'customer service skills' and read up a bit.

They hired you so you know they think you have what it takes to do the job. Now you just have to try to believe that.

Don't beat yourself up over it.

Dittos.

I think maybe that first email the HR lady sent you was her way of trying to apologize for embarrassing you.

So do you like doing the receptionist thing, or do you like your other work better?

She probably was, now that I go back and look at it when I'm less emotional.

I don't like the receptionist job at all. I don't think on my feet very well, and I'm afraid of having to deal with the owner of the company who can be very impatient and get angry quickly. I've already made several mistakes, including one with him, but he's the one who wanted me to go back to doing that when the other backup receptionist left. (I had been hired to be the backup, which is 2.5 hours a day, and then do my other job the rest of the time. But when they switched two other people's jobs around and moved their desks, they gave the backup receptionist position to one of those people. But she quit recently.)

And I also don't like what it means that I'm nearly 50 years old and working what is basically an entry level position, even if it's only 2.5 hours a day. After I worked 12 years in credit and collections, and 12 years in other things, it seems like I could be doing better, but I took over a year off and I had to take what I could get.
Also I don't have a college degree, and this is an engineering firm--the owner looks down on accountants without degrees, and probably thinks people without degrees are little ants to be stepped on or something. I don't know why he insisted that I go back to being the backup receptionist when the other person quit, instead of giving that to someone else, except there isn't another peon in the company without a college degree

I have to make the coffee in the morning too. I don't even drink coffee, so I haven't had to make coffee every day at a job for over 20 years. I know I sound elitist or something, but I thought after being in the job market about 24 years total, with 12 years experience in one field, I wouldn't have to go back to doing entry level work. If there isn't enough to do in collections, there is other accounting work I could do--I would be willing to take classes, etc. I told the person who will probably be my boss (our boss just quit last week) that I would be willing to do anything in accounting as long as I was qualified, that I'd be willing to take classes and also learn whatever they needed. They need extra help in accounting. Even before the boss quit everyone was overworked.

The fact that they don't think my job is important enough to devote a full-time employee to, tells me that I'll probably be the first one to be laid off if they should happen to need to do that. They never had someone do my job full-time before. But even if I didn't do that full time there are a lot of other things in accounting that I could learn to do.

I wish, when my boss first told me about it and she made it sound like maybe I had a choice, I would've probed a little more--maybe I really did have a choice, but I was afraid I didn't and said yes right away, and now there's nothing that can be done except for me to find another job. Which I'm going to start looking for soon--I kind of wanted to put in a year first on this job though because I was off for so long. But probably it's better if I get out as soon as possible, before I get fired for the way I handle the receptionist duties.

I'm going to be working a later shift 2 times a week for about 8 weeks because the regular receptionist has to leave early to take a class for his LSAT's (law school entrance exam in the U.S.). A lot of bosses in the Seattle area seem to come in really early, so if I don't have to be at my job until 9 am on those days, I might be able to set up some interviews at 7 am or something. And if the bosses of the jobs I want to interview at stay later, then I could interview with them on one of the days when I leave at 4:30 pm. So I think this might work out really well and make it easier for me to do interviews without having to use up vacation time for interviews.

Yep I can kind of relate to these issues.

It's really hard to know when it's time to start looking for another job. I usually start to get the bug 6 months to a year into it. I don't mind the work, I just can't stand seeing the same people every fricken day, week after week. They get on my nerves and there is always a bunch of office politics, and having to worry about who likes me, who doesn't like me. Who needs that crap? I hate it. I always want to quit a job just because I start feeling really uncomfortable around the people.

When I've been is restaurant and factory jobs I feel crappy because I think I should be using my skills or experience more (I do computer stuff) so I could make more money. But then when I get the job I think I'm qualified for, it usually comes with more responsibilty and social contact, and I get stressed out.

Having to work is pretty frustrating. Especially because I have no life outside of it really.