Being too verbally abrasive at work

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Hi, I'm new here. I don't know if I have Aspergers or not but I definitely have Aspergers tendencies.

My issue is that I just say things as I see them and this has offended superiors at work. I've just been pulled up on it again at my new job. I remember that this has happened twice before at two other jobs about 3 years ago and 5 years ago.

The problem is that I never even know what I said wrong 3 and 5 years ago and I didn't think to ask. This time I made sure to ask what it was. I didn't even think it was that bad. I just suddenly saw that I had been allocated to a task without prior knowledge of it and blurted out in front of everyone 'But I don't know anything about this task!' My superiors thought this was really rude and took it to mean I was refusing to do the task. This was not my intention - it was just a defensive mechanism in case anyone asked me to talk about the task in front of everyone (= freak out).

I spoke to one of my bosses privately to explain that I hadn't intended it that way, but I stopped short of apologizing. I think he was expecting me to apologize and say it won't happen again. However, I couldn't bring myself to do either. Why? I couldn't apologize because I didn't feel that it would be a genuine apology. I just thought I was stating a fact. I couldn't promise it won't happen again because I had not done it intentionally so I can't guarantee things won't slip out of my mouth in future. I could only promise I will try my hardest.

Has anyone had similar experiences? Do you just pay lip service to your boss and apologize and promise it won't happen again just to keep the peace??

Thanks for you response.

I have only been with my current employer for a few months so they don't know me very well.

I think their problem was that I didn't ask for further clarification like "I don't know anything about this task. I would be happy to take it on if you could tell me more about it." They interpreted it as me refusing to do it/not offering to do it because I just closed all channels for communication. From my perspective (which makes me think I have Aspie tendencies) I just stating a fact and if they wanted me to take it on they should have said so. Besides, I have no choice in what tasks I do anyway! They should have just said "We'll explain it later. Can you agree to take it on so we move to the next point of the meeting?"

No, I should not have known about it, so that wasn't the problem.

I'm guessing their issue was also the way I said it, which was very defensive in a semi-hysterical tone, rather than a neutral or questioning tone.

Anyway, I obviously don't want to get into trouble again, so I'm wondering if anyone had any tips on how to not let the wrong things slip out?

You should consider this to be about on the same level as accidentally flipping off your boss when they tell you to do something. It doesn't matter if they know you didn't mean to blurt it out or you're just a nervous person. You absolutely cannot do it.

Not only does it set the wrong tone, but you're publicly shaming your boss when you're being told to do something.

I really like what Spiderpillow and Adamantium suggested. Just write down things instead of saying anything at all (pretend you are mute), rephrase things as they suggested, then calmly ask for more information or training. If you still feel freaked out by it, I suggest emailing.

And you can take an online self-test to see if you are on the spectrum. The online RAADS-R and the AQ are shorter versions of what a doctor might use to diagnose you, minus their own observations. Just google them.

Have you ever been tested for a thought disorder? Speaking what you think isn't necessarily an indicator of autism. Aspies tend to just prefer being honest even when it hurts. Abrasive speech and speaking what you think is found in many disorders.

I think you have to be a bit careful how to communicate that you are not familiar with a given task. I would ask questions like: "How do you want me to do that task?" I want my boss and other colleagues to be very accurate in describing what the expected result of the task is. If the task is completed I will take the result to their (physical) mailbox. If the result is too big, I send a mail that the task has been completed and that result is in my office. They can take it from there.

If there is a long or serious suspension in completing the task (faulty copying machine, no materials available for completing the task), I will report that to the person that gave the task to me, especially when the deadline will likely to be crossed (i.e. the task is uncompletable or has been completed too late).

If your tone is aggressive or if it seems that you refuse to do a task, this can very well be a reason to fire you. Also if you break the rules with no obvious valid reason, and especially if it appears to be a habit, this can be a reason to fire you, as well.