20 Dec 2015, 11:42 am
I've just completed my first term at university studying occupational therapy. It's been tough in a lot of ways but like I said, I've somehow made it through my first term. We've yet to have any real assessments, though we have our first exam and essay deadline right after we go back in January, shortly followed by our first placement.
I don't know quite how to write this but I'm kind of trying not to have a meltdown right now.
With regard to my AS it's been hard enough as it is, I'm freaking out about how the hell I'm going to cope on placement and in the real world of practice as I know it's only going to be tougher and I'm so scared of history repeating itself (I worked as a support worker with special needs a couple of years ago, which I did not cope with one bit; daily meltdowns, sky high anxiety, major depression, ultimately making myself very ill (I was hospitalised for a while due to my mental state)).
I'm really not sure if this is the right thing for me to be doing but I'm s**t scared of quitting because I don't have a clue what else I could do, especially what I'd be able to do that I'd be able to cope with and stay well doing. It would crush me to have to pull out having 'failed' too. I know I'm not dumb in the slightest and though I'm not exceptionally bright either, I'm academically able and am capable of achieving much more in that sense than I am socially.
I don't know who to talk to or what to do. I'm worried now that I'm not going to be able to focus enough to do my revision over the next couple of weeks with all this filling my head, so I'll fail my exam and essay anyway.
In short: I'm freaking out about how I'm going to cope with my placement and even whether this is the right career for me, but scared because I don't have a clue what else I'd be able to do if not this 
